I just came back from a 3 weeks holiday to New Jersey, New York, DC and Boston. It was great! I had lots of fun and saw lots of new things. But towards the end of the holiday we sort of got lazy to go out. I think 3 weeks is a bit too long and other than that we've made quite a damaged to our bank accounts already.
I met some VJ people that I thought I'll never ever meet again, but fate brought us together somehow. Met Huising, Yiyi, Hen Feng and another VJ guy that I actually don't know, Zhang Kuo. Very interesting to meet them all in US.
This holiday has lifted up my spirits. Somehow last semester was quite tough for me in terms of personal developments. I had to deal with my insecurities, confidence, fears, adapting to new life, having new friends, searching my faith, relationship with people.. And the very confusing feelings that me myself don't understand fully. Sometimes I'm alright, but when I got to a low point, I couldn't even believe that I could cry that hard.
At the airport before we arrived in New Jersey, my friend Chris was reading this Horoscope in a free newspaper. And under Saggitariuswhich is mine, it said something like, ' You must be more independent, but that does not necessarily be secluding yourself from other people'. And it hit me that for once the Horoscope makes sense. I was always afraid of being seen alone or going somewhere on my own. Because I'm afraid of meeting those who know me and being asked why am I alone. I always crave for a need of friends and now that my craving is not fulfilled here, I sort of lose my confidence and self-acknowledgement. Moreover, I felt so uncomfortable mingling with people who have unsimilar personality as me and this makes me shy away from the world. It WAS very confusing and moreover, it was hard to explain what I'm feeling to others. So when I decided to do some curhat to relieve myself, I started beating around the bush and not knowing what am I actually talking about and what my real problem is.
But now, I'm looking forward for this next semester. I never regret my decision of coming to the US. It has been an enriching experience. It hurts sometimes as it has really brought out my insecurities and forced me to deal with my fears, but I'd rather deal with them now than later. I have always run away from the things that scare me. I have always backed out from the activities that make me uncomfortable. But now is the time when I stand and take a step forward. I may quiver, but I won't run. I may be shaking, I may be crying, but I won't run.
Last semester was mentally tiring. So the holiday was a perfect getaway and a perfect time to refresh myself. Now I'm ready for Spring 2007. School, here I come!!!
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