The Art of Roommating

So here's something that I will never perfected, just like so many other things in the world, actually. I have had 17 ex-roomies up to this point and of course some good and bad experiences. But a recent occurence got me to do some reflection about the art of roommate-ing and living with other people.

I live with three other girls. Since this is a graduate housing from Cornell, each of us just rent a room, and got paired up automatically by the housing management. No hassle of finding your own roomies right? Right! But of course the hassle comes in another form. Whatever problem you manage to avoid now, will come and haunt you back three times bigger! Imagine now just picking the most random species in the world. You may pick a cute panda from China that eats bamboos, shoots, and leaves. Then you can scoop out a salmon in migration passing the cold waters of Alaska. Or maybe the one-horned rhino from the Western tip of Java Island. And perhaps, the fruit bat from the dark caves of a forgotten nook somewhere in Central America. Put them in a cage in an American zoo and what do you get? Okay, so the salmon might immediately die from being out of water too long. The rest might stay in their respective corners, passing glances to each other and trying to measure up against one another. Or the cute panda might take the initiative to be friendly and start sniffing the rhino... Meanwhile, the rhino tickled by all the furs and annoyed with some creature crawling around its foot starts stomping furiously, while the bat becomes frustrated by the noises that keep him awake when its daylight and he's trying to catch some beauty sleep.... You get the point...

It's so nice and ideal to have roommates that you could really share your life with, cook traditional food from their countries, or listen to your complains on a bad day. But getting a roommate like that doesn't happen often, really. You should be thankful when you do. And I've had my fair share of those kind too. But my current one is now scrubbing off the bathroom, that I've cleaned twice in a week. I said I've cleaned it, she said no you didn't, it's still gross. She's moving out as soon as she gets someone to sublease her room, which I felt a little guilty for yesterday when she announced it to me and the other 2 girls, but now I am so glad that she'll be out. I haven't felt like this in a while now, I'm so mad. "I'm not a clean freak." You are the most exact definition of a clean freak.

Ah, okay, deep breaths... going to a more objective point of view, in my opinion, there are several types of roommate dynamics:

1. Sisterhood

As described above, this would be the most ideal type. This is like coming to home, and finding family. There's no specific rule for cleaning, or throwing out trash, or shower and cooking time, but somehow everyone's happy with the state of the apartment. You just sort of know what the others prefer and you accommodate it naturally. On top of that there's enough bonding time where you could just sit next to each other, and talk. Literally for hours, about anything, and for reasons you don't know, feel very uplifted afterwards. Perfect.

2. Clicked

A state below sisterhood, where everything just "clicked" yet you still keep good boundaries and does not share almost everything in your life with your roomies.

3. Hi Bye

This is where you wouldn't complain about the state of the apartment and you share polite conversations with roommates or discuss matters about living condition when necessary.

4. Unsatisfied

This is where you have a lot of things to complain about: too dirty, too clean, dishes not washed, AC not turned off, etc, but you bear with it. Very little interaction as if living with a total stranger you don't care about. No effort to get to know each other. It's basically a survival mode.

5. Public enemies

This is when things get unbearable for you. You feel that you can't live like this even for a week. You feel like you wouldn't be able to cook from the same kitchen as your roommates. Suggestion: run away (which is what my roommate is doing).

Okay, actually I have mixed thoughts about my roommate leaving. I am taking it personally that she thinks living with me is unbearable. Like it or not, I'm thinking, "is there really something wrong with me?" But at the same time, I'm angry at the insensitive way she told me about the bathroom not being cleaned to her standards. As if I am such a filthy person. So I'm thinking, "Huh, I have had so many roomies before and you are the first one who can't live with me. I am normal. You are weird!"

But, I guess whatever it is I should always remember that living with another person takes a lot of sacrifice as well as forgiveness to make it work. Hopefully by the grace of probability law you get somebody who matches your personality that sacrifice is not even needed. And by the same grace, I happen to get somebody who thought that making the sacrifice is not even worth it anymore. And I guess, that's OK. Who am I to think that in all 6.5 billion people in this world nobody would have an extreme dislike of me? Have a slice of humble pie, young lady.

So there goes my rant, and I'm feeling slightly better now. I hope she feels better too living somewhere else. And I wouldn't be constantly pressured to keep everything extra clean, which is one less thing to worry about.

Note to self: be humble... be humble... be humble... deep breaths... be humble...

Snail-Paced Learning #1

I have changed my mind... Disneyland is not the happiest place on Earth... home is.

Litany

"You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general's head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman's tea cup.
But don't worry, I'm not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and--somehow--the wine."

Billy Collins

Security Tool

...something that has been driving me crazy since yesterday afternoon. See, I am totally illiterate when it comes to computer operating system and has never taken interests in trying to be at least have a decent understanding. I am also aware that I have been running my computer without an antivirus nor a firewall for some time now, but I did not install one until just now. Until it was too late. Yes, yes, have an umbrella before it rains. I am learning my lessons.

So, it came out yesterday on my laptop and it says that I have 30 viruses that are deadly. But, it was a hoax because Security Tool itself is a virus. The problem is, it pops up with notifications so very often. But, the bigger problem is that I can't open anything because it is saying that any program I was trying to open has a virus. So, no files can be opened, no google chrome, no nothing. Such devastation.

I made a desperate trip to Cornell IT center this morning begging for help, only to be rejected due to lack of staff on this first day of school. So I had to call them to make a proper appointment, and they said that the earliest time to come would be tomorrow at 3 pm. Now, for somebody who can't be separated from a computer, 2 days without it feels like a death sentence. Especially if you have to face another day thinking about the fate of your research work that is all stored up in the computer. Such an anxiety.

So, lack of patience and high dose of anxiety propelled me to try to handle it myself. After browsing some discussion sites and seeing what suggestions are out there, I decided to follow this one:

1. Open computer in safe mode.
2. Go to C:\Documents and Settings\All Users\Application Data\
3. Find the 8 digit number file with Security Tool icon. DELETE IT with overflowing sense of wrath.
4. Delete all shortcuts related to Security Tool.
5. Empty recycle bin.
6. Restart computer normally.

Okay, problems here. One, I have no idea how to open in a safe mode. Two, I don't know where the application data is in the C drive. Problem one is solved by rebooting the computer and while it is opening, hit F8 frantically. Choose safe mode option to open. Problem two is solved by going to tools - folder option - view - show hidden files. Then the App data will show up. So that's done.

I restarted my computer again, and seeing that the notifications are gone and there is no immediate signs of the virus, I installed Symantec antivirus that I got for free from Cornell. And now I am running a full scan and hopefully after deleting all risks my baby is back to normal. Cross fingers.

So hey, who thought I could troubleshoot this by myself? This has taught me that I could learn anything I want if I am determined. And this reminds me of something I read recently:

Belajar adalah sikap menantang segala ketidakmungkinan; bahwa ilmu yang tidak dikuasai akan menjelma di dalam diri manusia menjadi sebuah ketakutan. Belajar dengan keras hanya dilakukan oleh seseorang yang bukan penakut.

Learning is an attitude that challenges the impossible. Knowledge that is not mastered will manifest itself in man as a form of fear. Studying vigorously is only done by one who is fearless. (Loose translation)

- Andrea Hirata, Cinta di Dalam Gelas

A Student's Prayer

Creator of all things, true source of light and wisdom,
origin of all being,
graciously let a ray of your light penetrate
the darkness of my understanding.

Take from me the double darkness
in which I have been born,
an obscurity of sin and ignorance.

Give me a keen understanding,
a retentive memory, and
the ability to grasp things correctly and fundamentally.

Grant me the talent of being exact
in my explanations and the ability to express myself
with thoroughness and charm.

Point out the beginning,
direct the progress,
and help in the completion.

I ask this through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

- St. Thomas Aquinas

By Imam Syafii

Orang berilmu dan beradab tidak akan diam di kampung halaman
tinggalkan negerimu dan merantaulah ke negeri orang
Merantaulah, kau akan dapatkan pengganti dari kerabat dan kawan
Berlelah-lelahlah, manisnya hidup terasa setelah lelah berjuang.

Aku melihat air menjadi rusak karena diam tertahan
jika mengalir menjadi jernih, jika tidak, kan keruh menggenang

Singa jika tak tinggalkan sarang tak akan dapat mangsa
Anak panah jika tidak tinggalkan busur tak akan kena sasaran

Jika matahari di orbitnya tidak bergerak dan terus diam
Tentu manusia bosan padanya dan enggan memandang

Bijih emas bagaikan tanah biasa sebelum digali dari tambang
Kayu gaharu tak ubahnya seperi kayu biasa jika di dalam hutan.

PS: sebagai penghibur dalam perjalanan balik ke Ithaca ;)

Antara Pong, Keong Racun, dan Kripik Cabe Dumai

Sensasi di Indonesia memang ga ada matinya, setiap bulan dan jaman, pasti ada aja yang lagi heboh. Banyak isu penting yang diwartakan jadi besar, tapi lebih banyak lagi isu-isu tidak penting yang hebohnya jelas mengalahkan bocornya minyak BP di Teluk Meksiko. Tapi seperti sejarah bangsa ini yang cepat tertimbun waktu, selayaknya budaya kita yang rela memaafkan dan melupakan, begitu pula cerita-cerita heboh Indonesia: muncul, lalu hilang. Entah hilang ke mana, mungkin terbawa hanyut banjir musiman Jakarta, atau terendam lumpur Lapindo yang masih tetap di situ-situ saja.

Yang saat ini lagi hot-hotnya mengalahkan kepedasan berita harga cabe yang 30ribu/kg adalah tentu saja si Shinta dan Jojo. Dua remaja kuliahan dari Bandung yang memasang video bernyanyi lip sync di youtube. Lagu andalan mereka adalah Keong Racun, lagu yang bercerita tentang pria centil tidak tau diri yang mengajak gadis-gadis tidur dengannya. Lalu si gadis pun jual mahal dan bilang bahwa dia wanita bermartabat dengan bernyanyi dan meliuk-liuk seksi berbusana terbuka, "Sori, sori, sori, Jek, jangan remehkan aku. Sori, sori, sori, Bang, ku bukan cewe murahan." Sangat menggoda. Tapi itu lah yang terjadi, duo Shinta Jojo ini berhasil meledakkan lagu penuh ironi dan berjudul tidak nyambung ini ke kancah nasional. Seantero Indonesia jadi tau lagu ini, di youtube hits videonya mencapai 3-4 juta, twitter pun dipenuhi nama mereka, dan tiba-tiba mereka banyak muncul di TV. Heboh.

Lain lagi ceritanya dengan lelaki paruh baya, Pong. Mungkin dia jauh lebih tau tentang bagaimana rasanya tertimpa jaman. Dulunya dia aktor muda yang wara wiri di perfilman Indonesia. Sekarang, tidak ada yang tau siapa dia, "Pong? Bola ping pong atau bir pong?" Entah berapa lama dia memendam namanya dan aspirasinya. Sampai suatu hari di tengah panasnya Jakarta, dia memanjat sendirian atap kura-kura gedung DPR dan mem-piloks tulisan "Jujur Adil Tegas." Inilah vandalisme tingkat tinggi. Banyak yang pro dan kontra, saya termasuk yang pro. Biasanya saya ga suka lihat cara-cara di luar hukum meskipun tujuannya mulia, tapi rasanya ini tamparan yang pas untuk ke 540 orang wakil rakyat kita untuk kembali ke hakikatnya: mewakili rakyat. Rakyat yang bangun jam 4 pagi menuai cabai untuk lalu dibohongi tengkulak, rakyat yang penat dengan macetnya kota hingga butuh keong racun untuk hiburan, rakyat yang harus kerja hingga manula tanpa jamsos, bukan rakyat yang tidur di rapat-rapat dalam gedung ber-AC. Pong terlihat berapi-api tapi sebenarnya tidak berbicara banyak tentang aksinya, mungkin dia bukan pria penuh kata-kata. Bahkan untuk menjelaskan arti tulisan grafitinya dia singkat saja. Intinya dia mencari kekonsistensian anggota-anggota DPR, banyak masalah yang timbul, yang ujungnya tidak ada. Kalau mengurus suatu masalah, harus ada penutupan (closure), ketekunan (persistence), sampai urusannya selesai. Tidak mengambang dan tertutup masalah selanjutnya saja.

Dan setelah dipikir-pikir, mungkin dia benar. Dibalik kelakuannya yang lebih cocok dilakukan mahasiswa yang naif akan idealisme, mungkin dia benar. Mungkin ini dasar dari apa yang bangsa Indonesia harus punya: konsistensi. Mungkin ini dasar dari kesuksesan setiap orang juga. Di mana-mana sesuatu yang naiknya cepet tanpa konsistensi, turunnya juga cepet. Contohnya si Annie Taylor, seorang guru sekolah yang masuk ke dalam tong kayu dan menghanyutkan diri untuk jatuh di Niagara Falls. Dia ditunggu oleh para wartawan yang langsung ingin meliput apakah nenek 63 tahun ini hidup untuk menceritakan pengalamannya atau membawa mati kegilaannya. Ternyata dia hidup dan mencatat sejarah. Tapi pada akhirnya pun ketenaran yang dia harapkan tidak terjadi dan dia mati dikelilingi kemiskinan. Contoh lain adalah penelitian yang mengatakan bahwa pemenang lotre sebagian besar akan kembali ke tingkat kekayaan orisinalnya, atau bahkan lebih miskin daripada itu. Satu yang mereka tidak punya: konsistensi.

Buat saya konsistensi itu seperti kripik cabe dumai, tidak berubah rasanya dari tahun ke tahun, tidak berubah di mana tempat dia dijual, tidak berubah efek samping sakit perutnya. Err sebenernya setengah konsisten, setengah bisnis kurang berkembang sih. Tapi intinya, setiap saya pulang ke rumah, saya menjadi pelanggan yang terpuaskan berkat konsistensi si kripik cabe dumai. Meskipun orang tua saya bilang ada loh yang lebih enak, kripiknya lebih empuk! Tetap saja saya belum mau berubah hati. Nah yang ini setengah konsisten setengah kolot. Tapi, yang penting adalah ketika namanya melambung dan ketika namanya tenggelam cabe-cabe tetap tergiling dan produksi tetap ada. Keseharian, rutinitas, dan konsistensi yang membuat dia memenangkan hati dan perut saya.

Jadi, prediksi awam saya, Keong Racun duo akan tenggelam secepat mereka melejit seperti beribu-ribu artis ibukota yang aji mumpung dan kehilangan konsistensinya. Dan Pong Hendratmo mungkin akan termakan omongannya sendiri jika dia tidak meneruskan perjuangannya dan lanjut mencoret-coret the next target: istana kepresidenan. Mungkin kita harus mencari si ibu pembuat kripik cabe Dumai dan berguru padanya.