F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Constant cure for insanity :)

Pic taken from: http://cecilliahidayat.blogspot.com/

"Booking" Our Faces

I have had a bitter sweet relationship with facebook, the bitter comes in the past months. Or maybe I just realized it in the recent months. I tried to break up with it, not just once, but many times, to no avail. It's a magnet and I'm a paper clip, bound to be swept right into its field. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate it. I think it's a brilliant invention and it has made interaction way lot easier. But, to be honest I think I have misused it. Firstly, but using it way too much that it affects me doing my responsibilities. Secondly, by wanting to know what's happening it others' lives, just because. It's OK to want to be updated about people, it's another thing to be nosy. And lastly, the person you see on my page, surprise, surprise... that's not me. That's a filtered, refined, distilled version of me. When you are asked to present your life and your face in a book, to be read by friends old and new, girlfriends and boyfriends, ex-es and crushes, parents and grandparents, bosses and professors, potential bosses and professors, that's what you do, filter the heck out of it. And that's exactly what we all do in facebook, whether we realize it or not.

Going back to the issue of addiction. As I said before, I have one. And I believe (to my defense) that it is not an uncommon one. Take for example the Lent season, when the Catholics prepare themselves for Easter by fasting or giving up a habit. I have a friend who always gives up facebook for that season. And not only her, I've seen more and more people doing that, putting up a sign "Off Facebook for Jesus" on their profile picture. Several years ago, who would have thought that it would become a common habit to give up on Lent? Common ones usually include less TV, no smoking, no soda drinks, etc. And these habits usually are something that are pleasing, but have no added value or even destructive. So, that shows something about what people feel about facebook. Also, like myself, I've started to hear people expressing desires to cut off facebook time, if not cutting off completely. A friend of mine, Mr. C, is on his day 4 now. Another friend stated that will on her page, only to come back strong several days after. And myself, you ask? I'm too embarrassed to say :) Well, OK fine, lasted a couple days probably.

So why is it so addictive, what makes it so pleasurable? For one thing, as I brought up, it is our own "book", spread to the world, thus we shape ourselves in the light of our strengths. It is what we want others to perceive, it is the one side of us that we want to be in life, the parts that are already right, the wrongs, we have left behind. So, in a way, it is uplifting, knowing that for once, we successfully hide our imperfections and nobody can see them. The photos that are put up for example, for teenage girls, we would see a lot of self portraits from different angles. Sometimes, the whole album just full of their zoomed in faces. Or for slightly older girls, we would un-tag pictures that we think we look fat in. Or for mothers, most would put lots of pictures of their precious babies, many more than their own. Thus, we always look pretty, whether because of ourselves, or because of our descendants. To add to the euphoria, there is the comment feature, where your friends confirm that you look good. I mean, nobody would out of the blue say something bad, even those who don't really like you. Because then, their own image won't be as good. Rarely do I see anything representing the dark side of somebody on facebook. It's always pics of them travelling, the delicious food they eat, the adventures of skydiving and scubadiving, birthdays, graduation, marriage, all good sides of life. The magical side, where elephants burp butterflies.

The second reason, in my opinion is the lack of intimacy, which surprisingly becomes attractive. Friendships that are just on the surface that on real life makes people empty and depressed, suddenly gives way to some amount of fulfillment. On my birthday, since the date is put on the page, and my 1000 friends receive the reminder, there are many greetings received. And I'm sorry to say that there would be several names that are not registered in my memory. I tried to look at their page to see photos or anything that would give a clue, but I still can't remember. Yet, their message hints that they do know me to some degree, I'm sure their not just random people, and I'm guilty of just not knowing them. So, I thought, we must only had very little contact back I don't know when. Despite that, they take the time to wish me a happy birthday. And thus facebook opens a new way of relationship: one that takes minimal amount of effort without losing that friend status. You don't deal with disappointment, there's no need to pick up your phone at night and listen to grumbles, there's no time lost to hang out and talk, there is no consequences., there's no need to think hard of a birthday surprise. It's an easy relationship, even if you are not really close to a person, you keep in touch without feeling awkward, too.

And last, but certainly not least, there's the stalking. The most fun of all! I'm certainly guilty of this. Looking at relationship status, how often so and so changes partner, finding that my team mate is actually gay, spying at ex-crushes, counting the length of somebody's marriage life minus the age of their baby, the list goes on. Of course, looking at A brings you to B, C, and D, and before you know it, you're back to A. Waste of time? Sure!! But it feeds your appetite for juicy news and therefore brings you joy and excitement. And perhaps this is my biggest reason why I want to cut off facebook time. I don't want to feed my appetite. I want to leave people as they are. What good it gives when I know? I want to know things because my friend personally share it with me and for whatever reason, it's important for me to know. Easier said than done of course.

The 26 years old internet mogul who created this social network, Mark Zuckenberg, stated on his own facebook page under the column personal interests:

"openness, making things that help people connect and share what's important to them, revolutions, information flow, minimalism."

do you truthfully think that those interests are really fulfilled through his creation?

Wisdom

Another good one from the Notebook Doodles :)

Hello, who is this?

Some people told me that I sound like my sister, especially on the phone. I would prefer thinking that she sounds like me. But anyway, I never really understand nor believe it. Until one day, I called home. My mom answered the phone and after talking to her, she passed the phone to my dad. I talked to him for a good 10 minutes before he realized that it was me. He thought he was talking to my sis the whole time. So, I thought, OK, so maybe we do sound that similar.

And then yesterday, I got a voice mail on my phone. I opened it without knowing who is it from. It's a conversation between 2 females and I knew that it the person didn't intend to leave a message but somehow pressed a button and did. And after a while, I said to myself.. heeey this is my sister talking to her friend. And not long after, I thought, wait a minute, I know this conversation. I was IN this conversation. It was ME!! Apparently the friend I was talking to accidentally pressed my number and so recorded our conversation in my message box.

And I found it really freaky now that I couldn't recognize my voice and thought it was my sister's. Freaky, I don't like this.

Boba

This city only has one bubble tea place. ONE!!!

There's actually a competitor right across the street, but with the pearls being undercooked, it's hardly counted as a competitor.

So, there you go, one store.

It opens and closes as it please.

There's the opening hours on the door.

But heck with that.

So, one day, you got a bad craving.

Rushed down to the store.

And of course it's close.

What do you expect.

With no contender

And lots of customers

It sure is acting real diva.

Only a Girl

Been wanting to start reading again for a little bit and was recommended this book.
Saw the 5 star rating in Amazon, visited the writer's website, and was soooo tempted to buy a signed copy. Then I came to my senses remembering that I could resist this urge and came victorious by being stingy and borrowing the book in the library. So, bye bye signed copy!

The writer is an Indonesia lady who migrated to the US in the 60s, so although it's about Chinese Indonesian women from three generations and their struggles in life, it's completely written in English. The Bahasa version was just launched earlier this month. I wonder how the sales would fare in Indonesia.

Will tell more when I get more excited!