A Girl's Deep Secret

Boys say that girls are hard to understand. We send incoherent messages that have to be decoded unsystematically or arguments that seem to counter themselves in the end or emotional bursts that you don't see coming. But guys, you are natural thinkers, right? Think about this, no matter unsensible it all seems, we, girls, understand each other. So, there must be something that holds the key to the puzzle of a woman's mind. It should not be a code impossible to crack.

But, the truth is this: We don't understand ourselves, that's why we understand each other. See, I'm talking like a true woman. What I meant is that there's a part of me that struggles with my own thoughts and feelings. Sure, you can think of it as a minor bipolar syndrome. For example, in the latest Glee episode, there is a mash up song "I feel pretty/Unpretty" which I think represents how a girl feels. Sometimes we are very unsure of how we should perceive ourselves. Most girls experience some degree of body image problem; there is always something that we don't like about our body, too skinny, too chunky, too short (hands up!), crooked nose, fat calves, flat chest, kinky hair, and the list goes on. It's very hard to honestly be cured of those feelings even when we try hard embrace our shapes and sizes, but we want to! That's where the contradiction starts; we'd say a guy should not be fixated with physical looks, but at the same time we spend lots of effort on make ups and picking dresses, we'd say I am secure with how I look, but crumbles at the insensitive comment on our flabby arms.

In our modern society, there are mixed messages on the roles of women. Those who assume the role of housewives are often called traditional because nowadays women work as much as men do. We have aspirations and dreams, passions and needs to be productive citizens of the world. We want the freedom to choose a career path or to pursue a higher education. We want to be bold, explore, be challenged. We want to do the things that guys can do, the things they take for granted, because they have never been questioned or called out as too small. We want to be more than what guys can be because with the same ability and intelligence, we are more compassionate and more understanding. Then, from there, we go from being traditional to being a feminist. While this new found freedom creates a lot of options for women, it confuses us on where to draw the boundary and it gives way to unchecked feelings of pride for being a woman who could do more than we are supposed to.

As the roles of women diversify, we see supports from many female oriented organizations and events. For example, there's a Society of Women Engineers, mother's day, scholarships geared towards women, and books like "Half the Sky." It shows that as hard as we fight to be equal, there is still a need for such support in the society in effort to escalate our position and reinforce our ability. And the fact that we need that shows that in our part we still believe that we are a minority; somebody who is an equal do not need to raise issues or raise awareness. There is a problem though, we would want to be equal, but at the same time, as women, we want to be protected, we want our prince charming, we still expect man to be the primary breadwinner, we play the "victim card" sometimes, or the "sexual card" for that matter. In short, we want a lot of things. And here's our deep secret: we are confused.

Kartini, the much hailed Indonesian pioneer in women rights, was highly commended for her courage to stand up for what she believed and for her drive to pursue an education in whatever form. I hail her for the fact that she understood her place, as somebody who respected her husband, for understanding the value of learning regardless of gender, for loving her parents, for knowing her boundaries and rights. As we try to define a "modern Kartini" I think it's important to remember those values, the fact that a woman is of a man, and there is a time and place for respect.

So, breath easy guys, you don't actually have to be a woman to understand a woman. You just have to be considerate of this confusion and give us time to place ourselves, as we give yours to do the same. But, in the case of an emergency (like a girl breaking down, or freaking out, or super angry at you, or anything that doesn't make any sense), a little tip for you, just be quiet and sit next to her. We would appreciate that, thanks in advance.