For Generosity

Do you know the time when you are so excited about something that you can't help to share it to many people? The idea consumes you and you start spreading it, hoping that it would catch on to others as well.  Unfortunately, when you've done so, blank faces stare back at you, the faces of silent rejection.

I'm Vidia, I'm a Chemistry teacher, a Math teacher, and to make things worse, I'm the school librarian (well, sort of).

Lately, I've been feeling that there's not much difference in being a librarian and a saleswoman. Most people would imagine a librarian as the old bitter lady in glasses sshhh-ing people every 10 minutes or so. The lady in glasses is a right description for me, but sadly I don't get to exert the power to sshhh people around. Boo... What I do do is market the books and try to sell them right so the kids would be interested to borrow.

Fortunately, I do not take rejections well. By that, I mean that if you reject me, I'll probably try three more times. By now, I already know some of the kids to whom I'll have to sell harder, and others who will come without any pitching. But disappointment is still not something you can really control. Being persistent doesn't necessarily mean you don't get discouraged. And isn't this the classic dilemma in the notion to something good? Sometimes, you feel like you know something about what others should do to better themselves. For example, children from low income families need to focus on their studies so they have better job opportunities in the future. But, many of the parents actually hinder them to do so when they need the kids to work for tomorrow's food. How hard should social workers push this education idea to the family and help them when they do not want to be helped? 

But, once in a while, in my case, I do get some mood boosters, from kids who would seek me out to ask Chemistry questions, those who pass their exams with good grades, writings that come to my email at random times, those who would engulf 2 books in three days, and those who would give me high fives and fist bumps when they pass me in the hallway. They remind me that in spite of everything, nothing is futile; just as the small things others do make big impressions on me, so do the things I have done make impressions on others, whether it is on purpose or not. 

Sometimes I feel that we are so result oriented that we become disappointed when we don't see what we expect. We despair when we are alone in our excitement, broken hearted in facing rejections. We look into success rates, and forgot to define what success is. 

So, here's something to remind us the generosity of self and about the basic purpose of all our efforts. Most of the time, it is the basics that is the hardest to grasp.

Prayer for Generosity by St. Ignatius of Loyola

Lord Jesus, teach me to be generous; 

teach me to serve you as you deserve, 

to give and not to count the cost, 

to fight and not to heed the wounds, 

to toil and not to seek for rest, 

to labor and not to seek reward, 

except that of knowing that I do your will.

Amen.