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Sebuah Refleksi Chinese New Year 2012

2012-01-24T06:27:00.000-08:00

Bisa dibilang saya ini beruntung, menjadi seorang warga negara keturunan Tionghoa yang merasakan menjadi minoritas dan mayoritas dua-duanya. Tumbuh dan besar di Riau membuat saya lama-kelamaan menyadari bahwa saya ini berbeda dari orang Indonesia lainnya. Tapi di umur-umur kecil seperti itu, saya dan teman-teman semua buta warna, tidak mengerti bahwa perbedaan seperti ini adalah sebuah masalah bagi banyak orang. Sebagai satu dari tiga orang murid berketurunan di seantero sekolah, lebih terlihat tidak janggal juga ketika kami melebur bersama menjalin persahabatan. Mungkin bisa jadi lain cerita kalau ratio nya dinaikan menjadi 50:50.

Sekarang ketika sudah besar, dan lebih mengerti sejarah, dan lebih tidak buta warna, mulai lah saya menjadi lebih sensitif pula. Minggu lalu saya berkunjung kembali ke Riau. Di sebuah salon yang saya datangi untuk menghabiskan waktu, saya ngobrol dengan si mbak-mbak yang memijati kepala saya sepenuh hatinya. Kita semua tau bukan bahwa salon adalah tempat kliping gosip-gosip lokal maupun interlokal? Apalagi di kota kecil tempat saya besar itu. Secara saya memang bukan orang sana lagi dan kurang kenal siapa-siapa, mulai lah si mbak itu mengkorek-korek kehidupan saya. Hal pertama yang ditanyanya adalah: "Mbak, keturunan ya?" OK, saya sudah mengaku tadi bahwa saya jadi sensitif. Bukankah pada esensinya pertanyaan ini sama dengan pertanyaan polos lainnya seperti, "Mbak ini dari Padang kah?" atau "Mbak, orang Jawa ya?" Dan saya juga 100 persen berhak bertanya balik kepada si mbak creambath, dari mana kah dia berasal? Sebuah percakapan yang wajar saja bukan? Tapi ternyata sejarah mengajarkan lain, dan masyarakat bergejolak dengan berbeda pula. Pertanyaan polos tentang keturunan itu sudah dipenuhi dengan bobot konotasi yang susah dihilangkan, seperti sesuatu yang langsung menurunkan tembok pembatas, bercerita panjang tentang betapa tidak sehatinya kita. Tiga kali saya ditanya pertanyaan tersebut selama di Riau, oleh orang-orang yang berbeda, mengingatkan saya bahwa Indonesia belum siap kalau saya menjawab dengan, "Lalu, so what gitu lohhh?"

Tapi, begini kawan. Ternyata sangat benar kata-kata mutiara: Tak kenal maka tak sayang. Buktinya ketika saya bertemu dengan teman-teman lama saya, saya tidak merasa berbeda sama sekali. Tidak pernah saya mendefinisikan mereka berdasarkan warna kulit, logat, dan sebagainya. Demikian pula, saya tidak pernah merasa didefinisikan berdasarkan keturunan saya. Kami cuma ingat dulu sama-sama ingusan, teman telpon-telponan, sama-sama jiplak peer, jajan di kantin, dll. Dan yang ada justru kita mentertawakan dunia yang dengan bodohnya tidak mengerti bahwa mereka kehilangan banyak dengan adanya pengkotakan di masyarakat. Ketika saya sampai di Pekanbaru, teman saya yang berjilbab dan berkulit gelap (dia ngaku sendiri looo... bukan saya yang bilang.. hehe) berbaik hati menjemput dengan motornya. Tapi karena ternyata kaca spionnya hilang satu, dia tidak diperbolehkan masuk ke kawasan kompleks sehingga saya yang harus nyamperin dia ke gerbang kompleks. Kami saling BBM selama saya dalam perjalanan ke gerbang.

Dia: Aku bilang aja sama satpam-satpam ini kalo lagi mau jemput adek.

Saya: Hahaha, nanti kaget loh mereka..

Dia: Iya, yang satu kaya orang India, yang satu matanya sipit.

Saya dan dia serentak mengirim message yang sama: Bilang aja lain Bapak.

Ketika sampai di gerbang kompleks, memang ada 4 satpam di sana. Saya dan dia ketawa-ketawa berpelukan erat di pelataran motor, dihujani pandangan para satpam yang tidak kami pedulikan. Kami melepaskan pelukan, saling mengamati satu sama lain, "Sama-sama tambah lebar kita."

Mungkin tidak semuanya memang dapat ditertawakan. Kami berbicara tentang bagaimana di Medan, contohnya, batas-batas secara ras sangat terasa. Teman saya yang Muslim merasa sering diomong-omongi oleh orang Hokkien dalam bahasa yang tentunya tidak ia mengerti. Sebagai dokter gigi muda dia juga pernah dimusuhi orang pegawai-pegawai di klinik tempatnya bekerja yang didominasi oleh Batak Kristen. Teman saya yang dokter umum menimpali dengan kasus senioritas di universitas yang menurut saya juga "rasialisme", di mana para senior semena-mena pada juniornya karena merasa mereka lebih tua, lebih baik, mempunyai hak untuk tidak bersahabat dan mengerjai adik kelasnya. Tertawa itu hanya dapat dilakukan ketika kita hanya mengetahui kulit-kulit permasalahan atau ketika saking pelik dan tidak masuk akalnya suatu masalah, tidak ada yang dapat dilakukan lagi selain tertawa. Semua di antara kedua ekstrim tersebut, getir dan miris mendengarnya.

Setelah kembali ke Jakarta, tepatnya Kelapa Gading, kembali saya menjadi kaum mayoritas. Dari pengunjung mall, penjual makanan, para tetangga, orang Gereja, hampir semuanya berketurunan. Di komunitas seperti ini, gampang untuk meragukan bahwa masyarakat keturunan Tionghoa di Indonesia hanya 5% jumlahnya. Memang tidak dapat dipungkiri, birds of the same feather flock together, burung-burung berbulu sama berkumpul bersama. Psikologi menjadi mayoritas tentu berbeda dengan minoritas. Sebagai minoritas, kita lebih merasa defensif, seperti harus ada yang dibela terus menerus, menjelaskan "keanehan" kita, dan berjuang lebih untuk dapat diakui. Menjadi mayoritas membuat kita jauh lebih nyaman dan bersifat opresif, karena merasa punya banyak backing-an. Untuk menghilangkan ini semua, bukan hanya susah, tapi rasanya tidak mungkin karena sebagai manusia ada keinginan untuk selalu diakui atau memiliki rasa "belonging" entah itu di entitas terkecil masyarakat yakni keluarga, sampai ingin mempunyai harkat sebagai makhluk hidup di jagat raya.

Di pagi hari Chinese New Year 2012, saat channel TV lain menyorot pertunjukan barongsai, pasar cina, dan kegiatan Imlek lainnya, bokap saya memilih nonton TVRI. Oh, sebelum nonton TV, beliau menyapu halaman rumah, sebuah hal yang paling tabu untuk dilakukan di hari Imlek karena dianggap membuang rejeki. Saya cuap-cuap dari dalam rumah menyuruh bokap untuk berhenti nyapu karena itu yang saya dengar di TV, sementara dia tidak peduli, hanya ingin rumahnya bebas daun. So, there goes our family's luck and prosperity for the coming year. Kembali ke TVRI, ada diskusi menarik yang mengundang Christianto Wibisono dan Murdaya Poo diantara para pembicara, keduanya berketurunan Tionghoa. Bapak Christianto adalah co-founder Tempo dan Pak Murdaya adalah konglomerat di Indonesia. Diskusi diputar mengenai banyak hal mulai dari politik, bisnis, generasi muda, budaya, dan lain-lain. Tapi inti yang saya dapat adalah bagaimana kita maju ke depan sebagai bangsa Indonesia. Sudah saatnya masyarakat Tionghoa Indonesia tidak berkiblat lagi ke negara Tiongkok, tapi ke Pancasila, dan ikut berpartisipasi di rencana kenegaraan walaupun sudah dikebiri dari politik oleh Pak Harto berpuluh-puluh tahun. Ikut memikirkan bagaimana menaikkan pendidikan, merapatkan jurang ekonomi, bersaing dengan negara lain, berkontribusi ke masyarakat, bervisi sama sebagai bangsa. Tentunya bukan artinya menafikan kebudayaan Tionghoa atau melupakan asal nenek moyang, tapi untuk menjadi negara yang utuh dengan Bhinneka Tunggal Ika nya.

Sebelum Indonesia merdeka, kita itu kawasan tidak bernama yang terdiri dari suku-suku. Perang memaksa kita untuk mempunyai musuh yang sama dan tujuan yang sama. Untuk saling mengenal satu sama lain, bertukar pikiran, menjadikan orang yang tadinya asing menjadi saudara. Kadang-kadang benar kata seorang teman saya, bahwa mungkin kita ini butuh dijajah Belanda lagi untuk menjadi negara yang hebat. Kita butuh perang besar lagi untuk terpaksa saling berkenalan ulang. Sungguh, hanya sesederhana dan sedalam membuka mata dan berjabat tangan, memulai persaudaraan. Yang bersaudara akan susah untuk merasa iri, tidak akan saling mencelakakan. Bahkan saling toleransi dan menghormati, tidak dapat dilakukan kalau kita tidak mengenal siapa yang kita hormati. Bertoleransi tanpa bersaudara tidak beda dengan mengabaikan dan tidak mau tahu.

Saya jadi teringat sebuah "pidato" perpisahan dari seorang dosen Universitas Brawijaya yang hendak pulang saat itu dari Austin, Texas, tempat di mana kami sama-sama menuntun ilmu. Hampir 3 tahun yang lalu, dia berdiri di depan segerombolan mahasiswa Indonesia karena ditodong harus berbicara di acara perpisahannya. Saya tidak menyangka dia ternyata akan berbicara tentang perbedaan ras di antara kami.

"Sering kali aku ngomong sama diriku sendiri, bahwa ada sesuatu yang nggak bener ini. Aku sudah hidup selama... tiiit... (bunyi sensor), tapi aku nggak tau kenapa masyarakat memisahkan kita. Kalian dengan dunia kalian sendiri, pikiran sendiri, dan kami dengan pikiran kami sendiri. Aku merasa ga ada alasan untuk aku mengenal kalian."

Selanjutnya, selengkapnya, dan sebaiknya, silahkan dengar sendiri dari yang berbicara :)

Gong Xi Fat Choi!!! Xin Nan Kuai Le!!!

Snail-paced Learning #4

2012-01-18T00:54:00.000-08:00

Just a few things in my mind lately:

1. The hardest lessons are the ones you have to learn over and over again, until you finally get it. - Taylor Swift

2. "Vagabond" is not a word for some sort of warrior with six-packed metal breast plate ready to charge at the enemy like I've always thought, it's a word for a lost wanderer. Words fool you sometimes.

3. Giving thanks for EVERYTHING makes things a lot easier. It makes you realize that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now.

4. Want to have a run from reality for a night? Use endorphins.

5. I'm OK not because things are OK. I'm OK because I'm OK with things being not OK.

A Horizon Behind the Farthest Line

2012-01-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

There is a place where both of us belong

But as of now we just have to be strong

To keep going, moving

Forward, even when only echoes answer back

There's a lot to say, yet I don't feel like saying them, nor feel that there's a need to do so. But I've been coming here for a relieve, and this time it's no different.

If you see this, I want you to know that you are still wonderful.

After you left, I did not cry. It was as if I did not have a heart, and I thought that since I felt nothing, then I was already OK with everything. I did not know that it was a phase called denial. Later at night I finally had my burst, around the time when we chatted and you said thank you. I felt like the worst person in the world.

That night I was blessed because I talked about many things with a friend until well past midnight. And I was actually laughing out loud at many points during the conversation. She helped me do so.

The next day, I was blessed because my sister and I went out the whole day. She kept me company and we also had a good day at the mall, avoiding the rain. And later at church and back at home. She should know that she helped me a lot.

A friend told me that my blackberry profile picture looked sad. I said that it's just because he knew what's going on, therefore had the perception. He insisted that I looked sad even if he did not know. So, I put on a smiley face and took another picture. He said my eyes still gave my sadness away. I told him to give me a month, I'll work on it.

I'm blessed that tomorrow I'm going home. A little away from civilization, meeting old friends, and meeting my parents. I'm going to be home and I am going to find my way home again.

Until then I'll survive with fake smiles and forced twinkle in my eyes. I'll practice them until they come naturally. I'll find things to laugh about even if I have to compensate it at night. Hopefully, I'll learn to laugh when nobody's watching as well, soon.

And when everything else has failed, and I know that they will, our Friend awaits with open arms. With an open palm to keep the tears and account every drop as if each one needs His love. He'll take my struggle personally, until the day I personally struggle through it. And I know that He will ask me to work on the pain of this world alongside with Him, to heal my own.

So I hope you will also find great people to surround yourself and to laugh about anything even if it comes out fake at first.

And I guess there's nothing else to do but give thanks.

There's a horizon behind the farthest line

Where the ocean and land meet the sky

Don't be blinded by the lies

Be reminded

Just look into my eyes they'll say that

I love you always

I'll love you even when your heart breaks

-Melissa Polinar

Ting Tong!

2012-01-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

Seven years ago, before I started college, my uncle asked me what I wanted to work as. I said I wanted to work in a non-profit organization, preferably the largest of all: the United Nations. Of course, by saying that, I dodged his question. He didn't ask where I want to work, he asked about what I wanted to be. And I guess even until now it's still hard for me to answer that question, the reason being I currently have several interests: environment, renewable energy, education, reading and writing. So, there's still no particular occupation that I can honestly state as a final destination. The only thing that I can say for sure is the answer that I already gave 7 years ago, that I want to work in a non-profit. My uncle, fortunately, did not pick up the blunder in my answer. I remember him saying: then whatever it is, make sure you carve your way to that.

Dreams are funny. They ring your bell over and over until you finally open your door. Until then you'll hear the buzz in your heart that leaves a feeling of either longing or guilt because you are doing something else. Dreams are persistent companions.

Many times we hear about people giving advice on their death beds. They are all similar, right. A bunch of I-wish-I-have-done-this-or-that-so-before-you-are-in-my-state-you-better-do-your-this-or-that kind of stuff. Why do we hear that so much? The "just do it" and "pursue your dreams" advice, are they actually overrated? If you've taken a longer look at how the world works, they are a little overrated. The first matter of concern is of course money. Are you going to make money off of doing what you really want to do, how are you supporting your family? Do you actually HAVE some money to realize your dream? Realistically speaking, most people choose money over their dreams, but if you do that, to be fair, you are not entitled to complain on your last day on Earth that your life is incomplete because of that. And, you are not allowed to give advice on that because when you were presented with your own choices you had chosen in a fully-informed condition, to be realistic. Just like how the dream-pursuers are not entitled to complain about not having the money or whatever it is that they are lacking because they have fought for their dreams.

When I was an undergrad, I was interviewed for a research assistant position. I needed it badly for a financial relieve. The professor presented his idea of the project and asked if it was something that I wanted to do. As a confused undergrad and a bad liar, I said that I wasn't sure that I was passionate about it yet, but for sure I CAN do it. He gave me a funny look and said, I knew you can do it, but I needed somebody who has more than a "can do". I was fortunate that he gave me the job anyways, but it was a close lesson for me on can vs. want and on being politically correct.

Sure, the world will be able to dictate you to have certain sum in your bank account and to have certain status. And you will do all those things and get them, sometimes out of pride, many times out of love, for your family for instance. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that, especially when you do it out of love, responsibility, dedication, and honor. You've got to do what you've got to do. And different people have different tolerant to that annoying little buzz in your heart. For the sensitive ones, I can represent and tell you that it can be intolerably annoying. Some moments make you want to forget what the world say and dictate it instead.

I am not sure that I had carved my way to achieving my heart calls. But it seems that I'm getting closer there despite of the many things I've done which were contradicting. I guess it's just like what Coelho said about when you want something deep down in your heart, the universe conspires to fulfill it.

My last boss, when we parted, left me with an Italian quote: In bocca al lupo. Into the mouth of the wolf, he said, something you say to somebody you know will conquer the world. Something like break a leg, in English idiom. On all of his success he said that all his life, when he had something he wanted to achieve, he never had doubts that he wouldn't be able to do it. He always knew that he would. I wish I could be like that, never having doubts. He seemed to know that I needed that Italian quote, to hear it from somebody else, because many times I couldn't say it to myself.

Hopefully, I will improve on that bit by bit.

In a recent "interview" I was given a choice, within the same company, if I wanted to go into the enterprise side which is basically the same as any other company, or if I wanted to go to their institute which is the non-profit side. Based on what I said, the interview process will continue forward in the respective department.

They did not have to ask twice.

Thank God and wish me luck! I will thank God and wish you luck, too :)

Reality Check

2012-01-02T17:34:00.000-08:00

Di taksi blue bird..

Supir: Ibunya kerja di mana?

Saya: Engga, ga kerja...

Supir: Ibu rumah tangga? Buka bisnis?

Saya: Engga Pak, lagi cari-cari kerja aja... Errr emang udah kaya ibu rumah tangga ya?

Supir: Iya, soalnya subur..

Saya: ....

One Starry Night

2011-12-21T02:01:00.000-08:00

Remember when you are fifteen-ish? Remember highschool, and boys, and falling in love? Remember being pregnant? No? Good for you. Well, imagine for a second being pregnant at fifteen. Imagine breaking the news to your parents, your dad rising from his chair, his knuckles white resisting to hit something, probably the boy who knocked you up. The stare from your mom and the tear on the corner of her eyes brimming with disappointment. And then they ask the only logical question: who is he? You say the truth: you don't know.

Your boyfriend is next in line. You know this now for a fact, it's not him. When he sits next to you, you lose all expectations because it will be smart of him to leave you. You have been preparing yourself all night for the worst, repeating the self talk to reassure that if you really love him, you will let him know, and you will let him go. And everything is still going to be alright. As you look at his eyes you can see the worry and the confusion, waiting for you to say something. He takes your hand and stroke the back of it over and over, then he says that he will love you always. With that, you broke down.

Morning sickness is not pretty. One day you woke up feeling nauseated and all that, and you reached down to scratch that itch on your toes. And that's when it hits you. You can't even SEE your toes anymore. It seems like you thought everything looks normal, but now that you become concious, you realize that your butt is reeaaally big. You wonder if it will go back to normal size. Jo, your boyfriend that is, laughs as you complain about looking like a cow. "You will always be beautiful," he says. You know he means well, but you somehow can't help feeling annoyed. You turn to him and put on your best annoyed face, "I want to drink young coconut water today." He smiles understandingly, "You got it, Mary baby."

Luckily, Jo is a lot older that you are, so he's able to provide although things can be pretty tight. Your parents, being so disappointed as they are, won't admit you anymore. The shame you have brought to the family makes Jo and you move out of the city. It's a miracle that somehow the two of you make it day by day. You still remember the night you told Jo. You said to him, "Call me crazy, but don't call me a liar. I have not been fooling around. I've conceived the baby through the Holy Spirit and there was an angel who came to me to tell me all these. And, Jo, I understand if you don't..." He cut you off, " I know... the angel come to me in a dream. Mary, I will be crazy with you." Suddenly, a huge burden was lifted off your shoulder and you repeated what you initially said to the angel in your head like a powerful mantra: Your will be done to me, Your will be done to me, Your will be done to me. Also, you silently hope that the angel won't come and freak you out again in the future.

For me it's difficult to imagine that the characters in the bible are just people like you and I. The only difference is that they were here on Earth 2000 years ago. Let's not go that far, the national heros I read as a child in Indonesia history books, for example, it's hard to assimilate they were alive, doing all those heroic things 70 years ago. I understand that the Bible has to be concise, it's not a novel, not even an autobiography. And history books are full of facts. The elimination of a lot of the human nature in these stories sometimes mislead me to think that they do not feel as how I am feeling. It is like they always know the right things to do and they will do it without any fear. You know, like when Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac, he did it in faith. There's not much details on how he felt or how many sleepless nights he had before saying yes, or if he and Sara his wife had a huge fight over it. In the bible, it sounds like he immediately and trustingly did it, which I doubt happened.

Once I went to a discussion and there was an exercise of reading a passage and imagining what the story is like for you. It was the nativity story, right when Jesus was born, with the sheperds being told to go and see him, and the three wise men following the star. We closed our eyes and started to imagine it. There was one person reading question prompts to help us do the imagination. The questions were something like: how was the weather, was is cold or warm? how was the ground, sandy, grassy, dirty, many stones? what did the stable look like, what was the smell inside? place yourself as one of the characters in the story, who would you be? how did you react to the occasion? how did Jesus look like? did you talk to anybody? what were people conversing about? how handsome were the three wise men? Well OK, I added the last question, but hey it's valid!

It's a little unusual to imagine yourself in the scene like that, but suddenly, what you have believed from story books or nativity sets, just had to vanish. The place must be really really dirty and smelly, it's a stable for God's sake. Mary must look horrible after giving birth. The wise men must be super tired after the long journey. And Jesus could be one cranky baby. They probably stayed there the whole night taking turns to try to get him to sleep, using all the ancient methods they might know. And imagine, they were all guys, except Mary. That must be one heck of a scene.

OK, I probably went too far with the imagination. But, you get the point. These people are as real as yourself, flesh, blood, feelings and all. I am pretty sure all of them had doubts at one point, questioning God and His ways. I just never met anybody who never questions God in one way or another or never fear about what the future may hold. And it's important to acknowledge that we are exactly as human as them, and these stories can very well be our life stories, too. Just because many of them are saints, doesn't mean they were angels. They just made the right and faithful choice, through their own internal struggles and the journey to find love and wisdom. And we can be that 15 year old girl, who are being asked to do an impossible thing, and although there are many unknowns and the fears can be unbearable, it would be even more unbearable to say no.

I bet Mary did not know that she would change the world, she just gave her one small faithful yes at a time. Same as what is expected of us.

Happy early Christmas!!!

On Travelling Solo

2011-12-14T02:41:00.000-08:00

To say that I'm enjoying these three months is an understatement. Before I went, I knew that I would be travelling quite a bit. On my first day of work, I found that there was no other interns in my building. Then I knew that I would be travelling alone. With my lousy friend-making skills and my often lagging adaptation period, it was doomed to happen. I had actually predicted a little of this and had searched articles on female solo travellers and the various topics on Europe backpacking trips. But not until I jumped in the experience that I knew the joys and miseries of flying solo.

First of all let me address the issue of being alone. In this interconnected world where networking becomes the golden ticket to success and teamwork is the overarching theme in interview questions, I feel like doing things by yourself is very much frowned upon. My first solo trip was a day trip to Gruyere, about 2 hours away from Geneva. Some people immediately asked, you went alone? And muttered a comment, how weird. On my last trip to Rome, one of my colleagues asked, do you have any friends there, to which I said no. She said I was brave but my sensitive self caught her expression saying, "why would you go only by yourself." In a way, for me, it is mainly the reactions from other people that cause my heart to have doubts. Damn, I am weird and I don't have friends. But, putting all those aside, there are also the internal voices reminding me of the discomforts of having no companion. Those are the ones I worry about; myself hindering myself, because no one else can help me on that.

I was once discussing all this stuff about being alone in general with a friend who was a single guy. He said that for him weekends were the hardest, because you felt like doing something but everyone else were out on a date. Going with them was like being a nuisance but staying at home felt like a total loser. So, I gave the mindless suggestion of being carefree and just go out by yourself. The next week in all his excitement, he came back saying that he took a shot at watching a movie in a cinema alone, amidst the dating couples. I seriously had a laugh fit at him. I couldn't believe that he actually did it! But I was oh so very proud of him, knowing that I myself may never gather my skin thick enough to do that. It's funny isn't how we almost always need somebody else to be able to feel comfortable with ourselves. This, however, is exactly the kind of challenge faced in a solo travel. Will you be carefree enough to enjoy being with yourself while others seem to have a good time being in comfortable cliques? Laughing away, chattering, supporting each other's existance in multi-way conversations?

So let's start with the hard stuff. For me, the main down time activity is having a meal. This is when conciousness comes from all corners of the mind, congressing in a summit, discussing what things should be done while eating alone. Do you eat and stare at your food or just stare at the wall while having an internal discussion with inner self within your brain? What do you do while waiting for the food to come out? In this awkward situation, I usually go over the pictures in my camera and read a book. Never mind the fellow visitors looking at you with pity in their eyes wondering if your boyfriend stood you up, you won't see them ever again in your life. And if the waiter gives you a hard time, slash and burn the tip. And if there is a newly wed on their honeymoon sitting right next to you, dining while holding each other's hands, do yourself a favor and look the other way.

Safety is the next important issue to address. Being a five feet tall girl, it is obviously pertinent that I stay away from anything that smells like trouble. Some things can be carried as a protective weapon, like pepper spray, that proves to be effective against the Occupy protesters, or a Swiss Army knife. An umbrella can be a useful weapon too as a distraction or a visible power shield. Or you can poke it around haphazardly like a panic en guard athlete hoping that somehow it will strike a vital point of the attacker. But, seriously, take care of yourself and avoid anything that might be causing you a lot of headache. Remember that you are not at home, things can get real complicated real fast.

Now that damaging self-consciousness and safety have been dealt with, we can talk about the fun stuff. For me the most liberating part is I am able to construct my itinerary perfectly just as my liking. If let's say I am going to Paris, no matter what you say, I will not enter Louvre. No, not with that snaking queue just to see the Monalisa painting that everybody said to be a lot smaller than what is imagined. I am not an artsy person. It's hard for me to understand paintings and see the beauty in them. What I want to do is be touristy and take pictures of the outside of Louvre, and move on to the next attraction. With only myself to consider, I am able to do this. After the perfect itinerary has been set, I am free to break any single thing on the schedule, because there is no such thing as a perfect itinerary. When in Rome, after walking the whole day on Saturday and coming home late, I decided that I wanted to sleep in on Sunday morning. Yes, knowing consciously that I was in Rome and I probably never go back again ever (no, I did not toss a coin in Trevi fountain). Now, if I am traveling with my parents, for example, I will never be allowed to do that.

I also have to say that traveling alone has heightened my level of awareness. Being the last child in the family, I tend to surrender my fate to anybody older than me (or just anybody). I tend to be the follower. But in solo travel, I am responsible for everything from knowing exactly where the hotel is to making sure I understand what I see. Awareness in this case is very much related to self reflections and formations of opinions. The time not spent talking to the travel partners, I spend it on people watching. In Rome, I was thinking a lot about how the city is one huge tourists magnet and how people swarmed into these churches, but when it was time to use them as what they are, the eucharistic mass, the crowd disappeared. You know, things like that that would probably escape my mind had I not travel alone. People watching is a great mind exercise.

Just with anything that is unorthodox to you, at first solo travel seems to be scary. However, it feels great to give your fears a shock once in a while by saying, "to hell with you, I'm doing this!" There is still one more solo trip to Barcelona and of course I am so looking forward. By this time, traveling alone does not feel so weird anymore and I've thicken some more skin to not be so shy when eating by myself. Been there, done that.

But after all things weighed in, I've decided that long term solo travels are actually not for me. Weekend trips are fine, and it has certainly been a great experience. After this "Geneva phase" I am open to doing it again for maybe traveling around Indo or Southeast Asia if there is an opportunity. But I am also looking forward to fun group trips where togetherness becomes a priority over the places visited and the new things discovered. As long as we're together right? That's all that matters.

But for now, let me be self-absorbed and give myself a pat on the back for trying something new and trampling over a fear.

What are we to do in this world but to search for a view?

Sabda Alam

2011-12-12T14:47:00.000-08:00

I was in the bus yesterday and had the most random thought. Seriously could not tell myself why it popped up but the song title "Sabda Alam" was suddenly in my mind. The funny thing was that I could not place who was the singer and how the song went. I guess that's what people have been saying about the fact that you don't forget things, but they are just dusting in the deepest nook of your mind to be rediscover some time later.

Anyways a little googling and youtubing brought me to know that the song was written by Ismail Marzuki, sung by Chrisye. I don't really like the Chrisye version, I've never been a fan of him to tell the truth. But, I'm satisfied the rendition by Afghan :)

The lyrics is fantastic. We don't have anything like that anymore. I wish I can write like that. I wonder now what other songs did Ismail Marzuki write....

Kicau Burung Bernyanyi
Tanda Buana Membuka Hari
Dan Embunpun Memudar
Menyongsong Fajar

Sejenak Kuterlena
Akan Kehidupan Yang Fana
Nikmat Alam Semesta
Nusa Indah Nirmala

Reff;
Serasa Pagi Tersenyum Mesra
Bertiup Bayu Membangkit Sukma
Adakah Esok Kau Senyum Jua
Memberi Hangatnya Sejuta Rasa

Sabda Alam
Menghanyutkan Suasanaku
Kadangkala Kebosanan
Mencekam Jiwa…
Sabda Alam
Berbuat Kodrat Tak Tertahan
Rasa Nista, Rasa Cinta
Berpadu Satu…

Do They Know It's Christmas

2011-12-11T04:33:00.000-08:00

I've heard of this song but never really realize how sad the lyrics actually is. I guess it's because the tune is pretty cheerful and all. My prayers are for the broken hearted, the lonely, the hungry, and the hopeless this season.

"The joys and the hopes, the griefs and the anxieties of the people of our time, especially those who are poor or afflicted, are the joys and hopes, the griefs and anguish of the followers of Christ as well." - Vatican 2 in Church of the Modern World.

Song Lyrics:

It's Christmas time
There's no need to be afraid
At Christmas time
We let in light and we banish shade
And in our world of plenty
We can spread a smile of joy
Throw your arms around the world
At Christmas time

But say a prayer
Pray for the other ones
At Christmas time it's hard
But when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window
And it's a world of dread and fear
Where the only water flowing
Is the bitter sting of tears
And the Christmas bells that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

And there won't be snow in Africa
This Christmas time
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?

Feed the world
Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again
Feed the world
Let them know it's Christmas time again

Cold and Brokenhearted

2011-12-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

The snow finally comes, covering the bottom of my heart

Lost, like the postcards

Week after week

In the hands of a lonely postman

Remembering his first love

While I'm losing mine

Joy is the season

Love is the cliche

The cold keeps me under my throw

Wishing that the season isn't such a joyful one

Because my love has become a cliche

Amongst the merriment

Just like the snowflakes

As unique as each of them is

Just as beautiful and pure

Still, falling becomes a sole purpose

And disappearing becomes a destiny

In all gracefulness, questioning

What then is the meaning of grace?

And you

Should know that I've been talking to a lonely postman

Because the bottom of his heart

And the bottom of mine

Have been covered in snow

We both know that it will disappear

As it has destined to be

But for now, let it be

25, Mental Age, 5

2011-11-27T00:18:00.000-08:00

Now that I can be measured in a nice fraction of a decade, I’d like to say with the flailing wisdom of a young adult, that life would always be funny. Bunnies may not be as cute as they seem, and the guy with a face of an Italian mafia may have the softest heart (true story). At this age, I laughed out loud at Mickey Mouse clips while the toddler beside me kept a straight face. And ironically somebody who talks can be a lot more boring than a monitor screen.

I am one full of dreams (some may say my dreams conflict each other), yet at the same time anxieties. Believe me, the hole can only be filled with either one. What I choose to fill my hole with everyday defines what I will be in a few years time. But I was taught to not worry; to remember those lilies that neither spin nor toil. I was told to not fear, 365 times, one for each day of the year.

About that little library, that only exists in my head. I still want it. With reading nooks and picture books, spilled on pages and torn covers. My books are not ornaments for display, they were my paradise and will be for many others. I will teach them to read before sleeping and quietly slip the book underneath the pillow so nobody can steal it from their dreams, and it will be the first thing to touch when the mind is ready for more.

I was 5 when I had chicken pox, handed down from my sister. There is a picture of me naked in the bathtub showing off my red itchy spots. I was not sick, I was on a vacation. Free, even in things that seemed like a misery. I wrote more letters when I was five, I prayed unceasingly when I had to be left at home alone. I wanted to ride a roller coaster, but I wasn’t tall enough, so my dad took me to a nearby miniature and took a picture of me pretending to scream. I was satisfied. I was second from last in class. Do you think I cared.

A few years later I started caring. And I became daring, taking opportunities that came my way, thinking they will never come again. And I would be the most stupid person to reject them. Here I am on the eve of 25, still with the whole world before me, searching and waiting for many other opportunities to present themselves. Yet, I know that I can easily die tomorrow, because I have seen life being extremely funny. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited. Very excited, as a matter of fact. Because I think this is the right time to take a plunge. I have climbed high enough to be ready to jump and enjoy the thrill. But, sometimes, I scare myself for being greedy and for not knowing when to stop climbing. I just don’t want to be too high and too scared to leap.

So, here’s to 25, and to enjoying life. To following the call of the heart and giving thanks. To learn to see life as if I am five: to be joyful in all circumstances, to write more, to pray more. And if what I have dreamt of does not come true, to be satisfied with the next best thing. For the most part, the next best thing turns out to be the best thing anyways. Thank You for the past 25 years, they had been really wonderful. I am looking forward to the next 25 times 365 of do-not-fears. And since we’re talking about being five, let me end here with the wise words of carefree Dory: Just keep swimming! Cheers!

Emmanuel De Merode

2011-11-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

OK this talk is what I was talking about the other day on the favorite TEDxWWF presentation. Conservation is there for human first, and then for the animals. Oh, watch out for me on 00:40. No I wasn't sleeping, I was probably tweeting about the event. And yes, I was cold, thus the oversized scarf.

Anywaysss, for his passion, dedication, and courage. Much respect.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T12:09:00.000-08:00

I am thankful for the kiss from a 5 year old boy right on my shoulder blade.

For the stranger who entered my office letting me know there is an opening in his department.

For the grey sky that trains me to keep looking up for the chance of ray.

For family who waits for my home coming.

For awkwardness that had me spill stuff on people, twice, in a week.

For the older girl who watches movies beside me, your presence warms the room.

For cancers detected on early stages, and for those detected late.

For the chance of knowledge, and the opportunity to question the use of it.

For the big windows in the office and Facebook access at work.

For my favorite two sweaters to keep me warm in every sleep.

For parties, and kitchen, and finding ice, for half an hour.

For the security guard who held my hand and let me know I can come with him to Lausanne.

I haven't seen him around, I think he's fired for flirting too much.

For monks who pray and work like there is no tomorrow

For a particular brother who wiped my tears and told me I'm pretty

For strangers who become instant friends

For iPad and e-books and FaceTime

For tennis and sore muscles

For unknown future, the thrill of not knowing, and the faith to trust

For forgetting to put a full stop because it makes you more free

For friends who chose to go to Bali instead of Maldives

For a love that is willing to apologize and compromise

For silence to hear the clock ticks and time flies, but the present is always present.

For remembering to put the full stop back to be organized and correct.

For not having a turkey because they're bland, here is for having rendang instead.

For being offered a macaroon and having the power to politely reject it.

For remembering to give thanks.

On the eve of thanksgiving.

For the mimosa plant,

that closes with no regrets.

With every raindrop, wind, and passing critters.

Knowing it will open again when the time is right.

Just wait for when the time is right.

Meanwhile, give thanks for everything.

Taize: A Prologue

2011-11-13T16:28:00.000-08:00

It all started with a rude man behind the counter. I had been eyeing him when I was queueing, wishing that when my number was called, I would get his counter, because he looked like Nigel Barker. The stars lined up and it did happen that he was the one to serve me. "I want to get a two-way ticket to Taize, going there Thursday evening and coming back on Sunday evening, please," I said. He searched for such ticket for me and it turned out that if I want to be in Taize Thursday night, I had to leave around 3 pm. With work finishing around 5.30 pm, leaving at that time wouldn't be possible. After all, I had asked for a Friday off which was given generously by my supervisor. Asking for a half day on Thursday would be a little pushing it. So, I asked for the train that leaves on Friday morning. At that point, Nigel Barker got a little irritated, somehow. After finding the times that I wanted, he gave me 4 tickets, two for each way. He told me all the timings, and circled my seat number in a bullet speed style such that I had to chuckle, "Hold on there, let me check what you just said." I found that the ticket he gave me was for Thursday morning, not Friday as I asked. He said sorry, but his eyes did not mean it. We looked again for the times that would be good for me. The problem was there were several connections, I wanted to be sure that I did not have to wait long in each station, but at the same time had enough time to catch the next train. At one point he threw an attitude, "You asked me for one thing, and then after I found it, you asked if there was a different time." I was taken aback, but I knew my rights as a customer. I forced a smile and said, "Wow, I'm guessing you have had a long day today, huh." After a little more unpleasant exchanges, we finally settled it and I got my tickets to Taize. I left Nigel Barker, promising to myself, unless he looked a whole lot like Will Smith, I won't ever wish on being served by such people again.

A couple of days before I went to Taize and after getting the tickets, I bought a book in Amazon: A Community Called Taize: A Story of Prayer, Worship, and Reconciliation. I have heard of Taize songs before. Sometimes the churches that I went to have Taize meetings, but I never came. I thought that it would be boring. Earlier in the year, I realized from the website that Taize was more than the songs, a whole lot more. In essence, Taize songs were not even the point. They are the beautiful roses along the road, not the road itself. The book gave a great introduction for me of what the Taize community was and what to expect when I was there. The author visited Taize for the first time in 2005. The first night he was there, Brother Roger, the brother who founded Taize was stabbed in the heart by a mentally ill young woman during the night prayer. He died a little right after. His life was dedicated to serve the poor, the underprivileged, the weary and outcast of the society. His life was ended by the same people whom he had served for years. For me, this is in short what exactly Brother Roger and Taize wanted to teach us: to work without caring about paybacks, to forgive the seemingly unforgiven, to trust those we did not know, to live simply for Him.

A question that kept coming up throughout the book was: why do so many young people come to Taize? And why do they keep coming back? In this world where the young are very much attracted by the rich and famous, where ambition for career and success meets with the oblivion for others, where Facebook becomes a best friend and twitter the tool to confirm existence, what is it about Taize that successfully compete with all those things? I am young, right... and I am definitely not bulletproof towards all these modernization and drive to pursue success. So I asked myself, why am I sparing a weekend to go there? Part of it is curiosity, part of it me wanted to have a calm weekend, but for the most part, I myself can't explain it. I just wanted to. Taize in my head was an exciting place in a different way than what excitement usually meant. I just wanted to. It was a reason strong enough to be confronted with any reasoning.

The journey to Taize was a little complicated. It was 2 hours of driving from Geneva, but without a car, it became 5 hours with two station stops. My first stop was in Lyon, a city in France famous for its gastronomy. From there it was another train to a city called Macon-ville. There I had a 2 hours waiting time. Macon-ville station was small. On the same train station there was also the bus station. Since there was literally nothing to do in the station other than sit, I decided to pay a visit to the town center. I assumed that the town was a small one, judging by the size of the train station, and I was right. It was about 11 am when I got to the city center, which like any other old town in I had seen so far, had car-free cobble-stone paths with store and restaurants on your left and right. Above the shops are residences with double pane windows from woods painted colorfully; sometimes totally not matching with the wall color but that's what made it even cuter. It was a little strange for me because most of the shops were closed. Only one or two were open and those were the ones selling antiques. Not many people were walking around, those who were there looked like they came out straight from Tin Tin comic books: older man and woman with hats holding a walking stick in one hand although they looked strong enough to walk without it. Later in the weekend I was told that it was labor day in France, which was why everything was closed.

I went back to the station about 20 minutes before my bus. As I approached a bench to sit, I saw a wallet. A beat up folded leather wallet on the same bench. I thought that somebody had left it there, but a moment after, a boy came and picked it up. He went off with two of his friends, rowdy and all. A little after that came a girl asking me: Did you see a wallet somewhere here? I said, yes, some boys just took it! It's yours?? She gasped, oh my god, I saw the boys and I asked them. Turned out that the girl named Sarah asked them again but they did not fess up. To make it somehow worse, they gave her 1.50 Euro for her bus ride. Sarah had been in Taize for a week and she went out for the weekend to meet her friend. She just withdrew 100 Euro a day before and there it went, to the hands of those rowdy boys. She decided to take the bus that went to Taize later to wait for the ticketing office to open and report them.

I went on my bus. I expected it to be like a half an hour ride. We went through hills and winding road and I suddenly realized that Brother Roger was not kidding when he planned to find a rural poor village. The journey ended up being an hour and by the time we arrived I truly felt like I was in the middle of nowhere. I simply didn't know where I was on the map. I had arrived in one of the places many said to be heaven on earth. Realizing at the same time what a privilege that was, because not far from there were boys who would steal your wallet, and Nigel Barker look alike who would be rude to you. But in Taize you would believe that they were good people. There is no bad people, like there is no stupid kids. There's only broken people with broken attitudes.

When The Music Fades

2011-11-06T07:12:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I'm feeling a little mellow today. I think it's partly because I haven't been paying much attention to my faith lately and today at Church, I was pretty focused compared to usual. For me, this week's reading reminds me to reposition my dreams and priorities, to seek wisdom and act wisely, to know what has the utmost importance. I had a small conversation last night that somewhat triggers me to think again about the things that I would want to do. It was an interesting conversation. It started off with, let's say you can turn back time and choose your major again, but this time already knowing what you know now at mid 20s, what would you choose. One said he'd want to be a music composer, he's taking an MBA now. Surprisingly for myself, I could not place my finger on any particular subject. Would it be journalistic, or environmental science, or education, or renewable energy? What would I do if money is not important, what would make me truly happy?

Unfortunately money IS important for me. Everybody wants at least a decent life, having a house of your own and a car to safe you from heat, rain, and sweaty guys on public buses. Lately, I've been counting my own resources. I've counted my savings and the amount that I would spend here while I'm in Europe. I counted how long would it take for me to pay off a mortgage for a small house with the salary that I will likely have in Indonesia. I haven't thought if I would be capable to sending my kids off to college overseas yet, but for that I can always follow the suggestion in one of the insurance company advertisements: teach your kids how to dunk a ball and send him off using a basketball scholarship. You see, money does matter. I'd love to travel once in a while, like having a Southeast Asia tour or something. I think about money, I would want to have it. But it's evident that it hinders us to pursue what we love. Or else the question "what would you do if money is no problem" would not arise.

Continuing on the conversation I had last night. Dreams are different for different people, and I respect that. So, the person was talking about working at the job really hard, become an expert on it, climb the corporate ladder, and retire at 40 when you'll have all the time you want for family or to explore the things you've always wanted to do. The catch is, until 40, you will probably work like a dog, having little sleep, little personal life and little family time. Then I asked a rude question: what if you die at 39? He said, that would just suck. I guess while that plan seems "realistic", it means that you are planning to start your life when you're 40, while all along your life has actually started long time ago. You are forcefully putting a halt on it and taking the assumption that you will still be alive when your life plan starts. A pretty risky thing, in my mind. Thus, the real question becomes how do I be happy in a realistic way? Realistic in this case means having money.

These questions, I know, can be answered with wisdom. Now, hmmm, where can I buy one of those? Today's reading is what struck me hard:

"Resplendent and unfading is wisdom, and she is readily perceived by those who love her, and found by those who seek her. She hastens to make herself known in anticipation of their desire. Whoever watches for her at dawn shall not be disappointed, for he shall find her sitting by his gate. For taking thought of wisdom is the perfection of prudence, and whoever for her sake keeps vigil shall quickly be free from care; because she makes her own rounds, seeking those worthy of her, and graciously appears to them in the ways, and meets them with all solicitude."

Then the reading was followed by the gospel about 10 bridesmaids who were waiting for the groom to come. Five were sleeping and they ran out of oil for the lantern, five were wise and they kept their oil. When the groom came, the ones who ran out were away to get more oil and so they missed the banquet. The wise and vigilant ones kept their initial invitation and were welcomed. This is a story of prioritization and self-organization. Knowing what's important at what particular time, and what to do to prepare for the future. This is a story about wisdom.

In Steve Jobs commencement speech, he said that if you want to know what you should be doing, imagine death, the most certain thing about the future. Think about what you want yourself caught doing the day you die and think about the things that you want people to say about you on the funeral day. Do those things today. In the end, nobody will praise you for your good grades, for your corporate positions, for having travel the world. Steve Jobs, in the eulogies, was not praised much for being smart, he was praised most for being hard working, creative, and passionate. Nobody said anything about him being rich and how wonderful it was for the family to be inherited his abundance possessions.

When I think about death, I think about God. For those of you who believe in God, no matter what form, I think the answer for the things to do before you die is whatever that makes God happy, whatever things He said He wants us to do. Even the most ridiculous things, like doing a handstand while hula hoop-ing or something of that kind. Because I know that it's my last attempt to do what He asks of me. If this is the kind of thing to be done then all the validity of my question about what would bring happiness while being realistic at the same time will vanish all of a sudden. It becomes a foolish question. All that remains is what does God ask of me today, what would be the wise thing to do? As simple and as deep as that.

When the music fades, and all is stripped away, and I simply come. Longing just to give something that's of worth that will bless Your heart. I'll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself is not what You have required. You search much deeper within through the way things appear. You're looking into my heart. I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about You.

I'm trying to fade the music, and strip everything else.

The Last Time I Laughed and Cried

2011-10-27T13:40:00.000-07:00

Eh, si Gita Gutawa sekarang pacaran ama Derby Romero loh...

Hah, kok bisa, kan dah tua banget gitu...

Iya, bukannya udah nikah juga?

Engga kali, masi muda orangnya...

Udah tuaaa... Bebi Romeo kan??

Derby Romerooooo...

Thoroughly Inspired

2011-10-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

This week has been an eventful one. Such that I think I need to sit down for a while and process everything. Firstly, I went to Paris for OKTI II (Olimpiade Karya Tulis Ilimah/Scientific Writing Competition) and met so many students aspiring to be the expert in what they do. It makes me proud and optimistic to see these young people who work hard and are really good in their fields. If this is a glimpse of what the future of Indonesia is like, I do not worry at all. Secondly, I went to TEDxWWF event in Geneva. I was super excited when I heard that they are holding the event and it's free of charge. So excited that I asked my supervisor, on my first day of work, if I could take a day off :) I did not care... Luckily he was pretty nonchalant about it and was supportive of me exploring these kinds of events. Thus, in this course of just 1 week, my mind has been fed with lots of new inspirations and information. I am still so excited!!!

I'm sorry that I can't provide a summary of the things I hear; I haven't organized it myself. But, maybe pictures highlighting some of my personal favorites would help.

Thank you for the handwork, dedication, and vision from Mas Ade Kadarisman dan Mbak Aprilia Firmonasari in realizing this event. The kind of friendly leadership that was shown by both throughout the event was apparent and I was glad to be part of this positive and energizing movement. As Mas Ade said, students abroad are the "knowledge diplomats" of Indonesia and it is our image that shapes the image of Indonesia, our persistence in life and studies is the persistence of the nation.

My roommate of the weekend, Ester, a psychology student working on emotional abuse in families. She does counseling and consult legal actions according to the newly acknowledged Indonesian law on such cases. Her team tries to define what actions are considered abuse and what are the ways to address them in a court or legal arena. One of the most friendly and sociable person I know. My first time meeting her was at 12.30 am, she was half asleep, I was half alive from the journey. The next morning the intimate session started when we realized that the bathroom door is pretty much transparent. The night that followed involved some personal pillow talk, discussing girls stuff :) There's something about being sleepy yet wanting to talk all night that imitates the effect of having too much beer; you seriously spill lots of things. Thanks Ester for the friendship.

This is Dimas, the youngest contestant and voted the most favorite of the bunch. With his thick Surabaya accent and firing passion, he presented his idea about implementing smart car system to reduce traffic jam in Indonesia. I will never forget his answer to one of the judge's questions about the complexity of implementation and low prospect of it being successful: Sir, if Indonesian people keep thinking that way, we will never move from where we are right now. Such innocence and drive. We need more of that not just in Indonesia but in the world.

The whole crowd: the contestant, judges, and some of the organizing committee members. I feel very strongly that it really is not about the content of what we heard in the presentations that day, but more about the spirit of sharing and motivation for research and education. It was about inspiring each other, learning more about presentation skills and frame of thinking towards your research. It's about the connection within Indonesian students and our aspirations for the country.

Of course winning is the cherry on top of everything else. I was chatting with my mom the night before and I said that this was such a happy event and I was so very thankful that I came. I did not care if I win or not, I was so so happy meeting all these people that I could sleep smiling :) But, I got my cherry on top the day after and everything became even sweeter than before. I had to suddenly learn about public speaking as I was asked for interviews, and it was kind of a weird thing remembering I used to really hate it. Mas Awang snatched the 1st price with his research on chili and genetic modification, Irma got the 2nd price with her work on functional drink to better your digestion system using yams as feedstock, and myself getting the 3rd place. The guy with the tie is Aldy, the radio host for the event.

And then there was Eiffel. The piece of steel everyone adore. Walking around Paris with the whole gang of contestant was a lot of fun. It was such a typical Indonesian crowd with our slow walk and lots of picture taking and cam-whoring. Eiffel was beautiful, as it always is.

And then there was the TEDxWWF event. There were 2 particular talks that jumped out at me, one is by the chief park ranger of Virunga National Park in Rwanda, Emmanuel De Merode. He is heading the efforts for protecting the national park, especially for its mountain gorrillas, but more important than that, for the communities that live in it. His talk was placed in the second session, which focused on the struggles and perseverence in doing environmental protection.

Unfortunately, there are three militia groups residing within the national park. Wars between them often happened. A center issue is the charcoal that the national park hold that had become the commodity to fight for. The rangers often find themselves in the middle of these fights or become the target due to the work they have done in the park. But all of them wanted to do their job despite of the risks that they knew. Emmanuel said that one of the hardest things to do was to bury his colleagues when such tragedy happened.

Another hard thing was when the gorrilas became another victims. I wasn't understanding fully from his talk why were the gorrilas killed, because it seemed that there's no particular financial benefits. It was by determination that Emmanuel and his rangers kept fighting for conservation as well as peace for the region.

The second inspiring talk for me was by a young guy named Dawa Sherpa who had climbed Everest twice and has been a pioneer in raising awareness on climate change. As a mountaineer, he has witnessed that climbing has become more difficult as the ice melted at a higher rate recently. He started small projects like cleaning up the mountain, having meals with fellow climbers to reduce the competitive atmosphere, and he said as he finished these small projects, he had the drive to do more and more. It reminds me that I really don't have to do something grand. As long as I am faithful to the small things in front of me, they will grow by themselves.

And you know, a lot of the times, I myself sneer at how people become so concerned about the planet and the word 'green' has actually become commercialized. But, unless I hear and see, unless I touch the reality of what is happening, I don't think I would completely understand it. TEDxWWF has shown me glimpses of what the world is going through, how the world is barely making it. There is no plan B. My million dollar question now is: what am I going to do?

To My Role Model

2011-10-12T14:04:00.000-07:00

It's my dad's birthday today and I just want to give a quick shout out to the best dad anyone can ask for... Happy birthday papi!!! Wishing you health and happiness, blessings and peace, passion and spirit! I love you always, thank you so much for loving me the way you do. Hope you are having a wonderful day! Hugs and kisses.. muah muah!

Generation Z: Zeal or Zombie?

2011-10-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

Moving to Geneva reminds me of how young I am. Not just by age, but by the spirit, passion, and motivation to actually explore and do something. Here I have met many interns in the United Nations, just like myself: excited to part of the civil servants of the world. In the office, I am obviously the youngest, but I am very thankful at the way that my colleagues treat me. I don't feel like they talk to me as their junior, putting a spotlight on the inexperienced nature of a fresh graduate, but as an equal whose opinions are heard. This was also what I felt as a graduate student in the USA. My professor gave me the liberty to direct my own work and would question me not because he wanted to remind me of my lack of knowledge, but to help correct any misjudgements and propel the project further. I feel very lucky to have met people who appreciate youth as an unpolished gem and never as a useless piece of black rock to be trampled.

Unfortunately, the youth of my generation is sometimes correlated with laziness, unawareness, apathy, and shallowness. We have grown up in the age where comfort is an easy and a necessary commodity. We cannot imagine what writing an essay would be like without Wikipedia and Google search. We laughed at our teachers saying that they had to do engineering calculations with slide ruler back in the days. Facebook has become our closest friend. Thus, the lack of eagerness to find solutions by ourself and less awareness to our surroundings. There is sort of a 'chicken and egg' debate on this generalization that has been stamped on Generation Z (which could be loosely defined as those born since around 1985, but especially after 1990). Did the world where we were born into spoilt us so much and taught us to grow up with apathy, or did we as a generation misuse the comfort and privileges to become a spoilt cohort? Either way, despite this perception of the current youth, we have to remember that generalization is the root of suspicion and conflict. It is good as a prediction model and a step to be cautious of the trend that we have heard, but almost every issue in this world have to be seen in a case by case point of view.

If I were to point to some optimism, I could actually come up with a very long list. From Wai Hnin Pwint Thon, the 22 years old Burmese activist, to Alanda Kariza the 21 years old Indonesian youth champion, to Dimas Okky the 20 years old student from Surabaya who wowed the crowd in the second Indonesian scientific writing competition in Paris recently. I could also mention the whole attendees of the One Young World 2011, hold in Zurich a couple of months ago. Such example of young people and youth movements clearly show that we are not lazy, nor are we careless and inattentive. But, at this critical and awkward phase of life, we are just a ball of excited nerves full of untapped energy. The people I mention above are lucky enough to have found an outlet of that energy in a positive way and found adults who are nice enough to let them fill up their thirst and discharge some stupidity. Many other youth are not as fortunate. Eaten up by peer pressure, confusion about life and hormone imbalances, they directed their energy to daily clubbing, excessive spending, gossiping, or other unproductive and shallow activities. The point is, in either case, youth needs an outlet. We have too much energy.

In a poem entitled "Not Just Another Math Problem", young poet Sarah Kay expresses what she thought to be the representation of the current youth. She said, "It's not that we're shallow. No, it's that the surface of a lake won't move unless provoked. But throw in a stone, and you will see how deep these waters are." We are a generation desperate for guidance from the one before us. Without any intention of blaming, maybe, it is exactly the lack of positive provocation that is the root of the problem. The generation MTV was not shaped by the anxious teenagers rocking out some music, rapping, or cursing in songs; it was shaped by the older ones in their 40s and 50s who made decisions on what kinds of music should be broadcasted and what video clip concepts would draw teenagers. The love for celebrity gossips in Indonesia and spending money on branded clothes; isn't that just a product of what is largely available to the Indonesian youth: junk TV and mushrooming malls. And those are not in the hands of teens to decide what should be available to them. It is the giant corporations filled with the more mature individuals who worry about profit and loss. But, no, we are not shallow, we just haven't been provoked right.

As young people, rebelling is the one thing we all are good at. But in each rebel, lies the analysis of making an independent decision and discernment of thoughts. Believe me, with every "no way" that we say, we learn to think for ourselves, shaping an identity that would later bring us to a more mature state. Hopefully, we can also bring that rebellious spirit to causes that are really close to our heart, like what Wael Ghonim did for Egypt. And once a while, we meet somebody like Chris Jeon, the 21 years old UCLA student who decided to use his summer break to join the Lybian rebel fighters. Yes, youth with all the energy and fearless mind, at times do foolish things. For that I would blame Steve Jobs for his advise to students: stay hungry, stay foolish.

Whether you are young or old, nobody wants to be useless in this world. We want to have a purpose for our existence. We crave to make a mark and legacy that last until after we die, to show that we did not live for nothing. When the world says that the generation Z is lazy or full of apathy, you are confirming the confusion of the young people about what they should do and be in this world. Let's not make that confirm that confusion, let's affirm that nudging feeling of wanting to be of importance and wanting to make a difference. Nobody wants to live like a zombie, we all want a life full of zeal. As Sarah Kay continues further in her poem:

We do not want to be another annoyance

We do not want to be in the way

We are not just another math problem adults have to work around

We want to be the ones to solve them

Satu: Ketuhanan Yang Maha Esa

2011-10-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

Kalau kita ditanya, ada berapa agama yang diakui di Indonesia? Sepertinya kebanyakan orang akan menjawab: lima, Islam, Protestan, Katolik, Hindu, dan Buddha. Kita sering lupa, atau bahkan tidak tahu bahwa ketika Gus Dur menjabat menjadi presiden RI, beliau mengukuhkan agama Konghucu sebagai agama ke-6. Saya ingat waktu masih di SD dan SMP, saya harus hafal nama dari kitab suci dan tempat beribadah masing-masing agama. Tapi sekarang, kalau tanpa mencari di Google, saya tidak tahu apa nama kitab suci atau tempat beribadah Konghucu. Saya juga tidak tahu berapa persen dari orang Indonesia yang menganut agama tersebut. Di saat penganutnya mulai berkurang dan sedikit karena banyak dari mereka yang pindah ke salah satu dari lima agama yang pertama kali ditetapkan, mereka mencapai titik terang. Pengakuan secara resmi ini datang sedikit terlambat, namun pada saat yang tepat, karena ini menunjukkan fleksibilitas pemerintahan dan melatih keterbukaan masyarakat. Bahwa pluralisme adalah Bhinneka Tunggal Ika, sesuatu yang membuat Indonesia pernah menjadi hebat, bukan momok yang mengganggu individualitas kita dalam pilihan-pilihan pribadi.

Sangat disayangkan ketika kita lihat banyak sekali pertempuran antar agama di Indonesia. Sesuatu yang ironis. Bukan kah agama seharusnya mendekatkan kita pada Sang Pencipta, siapa pun dia? Dan bukan kah kedekatan kita pada-Nya seharusnya membawa ketenangan luar biasa dalam kehidupan kita? Pandji Pragiwaksono, salah satu pelopor stand up comedy di Indonesia baru-baru ini mengangkat agama Islam di dalam bahan lawakannya. Dia bilang, dulu kalau orang bilang "Allahuakbar", kita jawab dengan "Alhamdulillah" rasanya damai sekali, seperti tidur di bawah pohon. Kalau sekarang kita denger "Allahuakbar" semua orang pada lari, takut rombongan motor akan datang sebentar lagi. Lawakannya disambut tepuk tangan dan tawa riuh pada penonton tanda setuju. Sayang sekali, citra Islam jadi rusak dan identik dengan rusuh seperti itu. Agama menjadi sesuatu yang ditakuti di Indonesia. Bukan hanya dalam bentuk kerusuhan beramai-ramai, tapi juga dalam kepercayaan kita pribadi. Sepertinya ia menjadi sesuatu yang kita tidak boleh sentuh dan pertanyakan sama sekali, dengan alasan, nanti masuk neraka, nanti menganut ajaran sesat, nanti durhaka pada pemimpin agama, dan lain-lain. Sehingga sering kali orang melaksanakan agama tanpa mengerti mengapa, juga tanpa ada kemauan untuk mengerti mengapa, karena bertanya itu tabu. Tapi parahnya, orang-orang yang sama dapat menjadi sangat sensitif serta posesif terhadap agamanya. Dan ketika ruang personalnya tersenggol sedikit, dia akan marah. Agama tidak seharusnya menjadi sesuatu yang kita takuti, baik secara ramai-ramai maupun secara pribadi. Seharusnya ia menjadi sesuatu yang kita cintai dari hati, karena kita manusia, bukan robot.

Agama sebagai sesuatu yang personal, saya dapat mengerti. Sehingga ketika kepercayaan kita diserang atau dipertanyakan, tentu sedikit banyak kita akan defensif dan tersinggung. Tapi ketika kita mempertahankan kepercayaan dengan menghancurkan dan meniadakan kepercayaan orang lain, itu sesuatu yang tidak masuk akal di kepala saya. Isu Ahmadiyyah yang tidak kunjung habis adalah salah satunya. Banyak dari kita yang sudah menonton adegan pemukulan terhadap warga Ahmadiyyah. Suatu tindak kriminal yang di depan mata, yang entah kenapa tidak mampu dilerai oleh aparat polisi. Atau pengeboman yang baru-baru ini terjadi di Gereja Kepunton, Solo dan pemngeboman malam-malam Natal sebelumnya. Apa mereka pikir dengan begitu masyarakat agama lain akan jadi berpindah keyakinan setelah "diperingatkan"? Atau apakah tujuannya untuk membunuh penganut agama lain satu per satu sampai orang yang tertinggal di dunia ini hanyalah agama mereka?

Sebuah kasus yang sedang terjadi yang tidak mendapat banyak antensi media saat ini adalah dibredelnya Gereja Yasmin di Bogor. Mereka diusir dari sana dengan berbagai alasan, mulai dari lokasinya yang terletak di jalan bernama tokoh Islam, ijin lokasinya yang dikatakan tidak jelas, sampai ke alasan bisik-bisik yaitu tempatnya yang strategis yang ingin dibeli orang dan gosip intensi walikota Bogor untuk lebih mengislamkan kotanya. Saya pikir dikasus-kasus seperti ini, masyarakat yang memiliki suara dan pengaruh terkuat adalah mereka yang beragama Islam yang percaya bahwa ini sebenarnya adalah suatu ketidakadilan. Kalau bisa ada masyarakat Muslim yang ikut membela mati-matian Gereja Yasmin ini, akan ada pergerakan besar awal dari persatuan Indonesia kembali. Seperti ketua umum NU yang waktu itu menjenguk korban bom Solo, seolah-olah mengatakan bahwa kami minta maaf atas dipakainya nama Islam untuk teror ini dan kami berada di kubu Anda yang mengecam perbuatan ini. Sama seperti ketika bom dan penembakan di Norwegia oleh seorang Kristen Anders Breivik yang menyebut dirinya "Crusader for Christendom" terjadi. Suara terkuat dan paling berpengaruh seharusnya adalah orang-orang Kristen yang mengecam perbuatannya dan ikut bersimpati dengan para korban.

Entah mengapa masalah agama menjadi sesuatu yang sangat-sangat sensitif sehingga kita lupa bahwa masih ada yang menyatukan kita umat beragama: bahwa kita percaya akan adanya kekuatan besar diluar kemampuan kita sendiri, yang kita sembah dan kita cintai, yang mencintai kita luar biasa. Tidak cukupkah itu bagi kita? Indonesia sebenarnya sudah berada di jalan yang benar. Sila pertama kita adalah: Satu, Ketuhanan yang maha Esa. Kita sering lupa. Masyarakat Konghucu sangat beruntung akan pengakuan negara bagi kepercayaan mereka. Perjalanan panjang menuju pengakuan tersebut. Kita juga harus ingat bahwa sebenarnya masih banyak lagi rakyat Indonesia yang butuh pengakuan itu. Kenalkah kita pada penganut Yahudi di Indonesia? Atau penganut Bahai, atau Kristen Ortodoks, dan lain sebagainya. Haruskah mereka berpura-pura hanya untuk sebuah status di KTP dan untuk mendapat pelayanan masyarakat lainnya seperti pendidikan dan kesehatan?

Ketuhanan yang maha Esa. Agama tidak bisa dipaksa.

Growing Out

2011-10-03T12:14:00.000-07:00

In one of our conversations, my friend Resya and I once talked about the importance of your family background and connections. In the US, if your parent(s) is a professor in a university, you'll get free tuition to go to that university, given that you are capable to be admitted. Having professors as parents don't make you instantly smart, but it does set you up to be in that path. They will encourage you to read and explore. They know where the good schools are. And they have the money to send you there. So why the free tuition? Isn't that supposed to be directed to those with financial difficulties, those who haven't gotten such great moral support? But I understand that many times US universities are not purely about education; it's also about family tradition and networking. If you are the child of a president (of any country), for example, you'll get immediate admission to some Ivy Leagues. It doesn't matter if you can't count backwards or something like that, they need the relation to your daddy.

I wonder if we take a closer look at the current Indonesia's cabinet line-up, for example. How many ministers have parents who were diplomats/ex ministers/ex member of the parliement? That would be a good mini research project. I've always kind of hesitant and apprehensive when I meet somebody with famous high-ranked parents. My mind always thinks, "You are here by an easy route. Show me what you can do, only then would I appreciate you." Which is harsh, and at the same time very judgemental on my part. But, all my generalizations really melt when I know the person better. At Cornell, I met the grandson of Indonesia's ex president and also the son of one of the current ministers. No names mentioned :) but just in case they stumble upon this (hi guys!), I want to say for the records that they are great: smart, kind, friendly, kinda silly at times, and they work hard. So, lots of kudos for them!!! When I meet someone with a high rank or has parents in a high position, I will remember them and hope silently that he/she would be as good as them.

It's a little hard though, given the stereotypes that I have stamped on such people for a long time: connections get you to where you are, expensive stylish cars, average school grades, switching girl/boyfriends like clothes. How do I get that out of my mind when I do witness that generalization actually manifested with my own eyes? Just recently, actually. I just feel that as I grow up, I learn to grow out at the same time. Out of clear directed path that my parents have provided me, into one that I weed out myself. I may not be entirely successful at that even until when I'm a lot older later. But as a young person in an awkward phase trying to be an adult, I try to make my choices and take the consequences. I try to figure out what I really want instead of merely complying with what others want me to do. When you have such powerful rich parents, I understand that it would be somewhat harder to grow out of that comfortable and pruned path. But, connections could only take you so far. It would take you really far at times, but never all the way.

So, I don't know. I mean Resya and I were wondering that time, how on earth are we, the ones with 'regular' parents, are ever going to clear out this web of connectivity that hinders us from reaching any position (if we ever want to)? Could the tortoise really outpace the hare?

How to Not Be a Tourist

2011-10-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

I have been on vacation these past 4 days. It started off with a long line of people in Newark airport before anyone could get to the Jet Air counter. Don't be fooled by the name, it's not a European carrier, it's Indian, which explains well the mass of Indians I was seeing around me. I thought, wow all these Indians going to Europe, they must be getting richer! Nope, they are going to Bombay. My check-in baggage was 27 kilos, 4 kilos overweight, but the lady was kind enough to let me go without and extra charge. No wonder my boyfriend was complaining when he was carrying the baggage, "Vid.. aku mau modar...(I'm dying)" :) The flight was good, except that the food was not. I got to watch Kungfu Panda 2! Sooo funny! Oh, Po, I'm sorry you are adopted. The connecting flight was from Brussels, which unfortunately I missed. But, it gave me time to sort of look around the airport stores and got a fridge magnet. I had to get an internet connection since I had to tell the person who was picking me up about the later flight. The whole airport section was supposed to have free wifi, which I could see being picked up by my laptop, but somehow it was not working. There was an HP work stations to use on a paid internet connection, which is confusing; if you have a free wifi, why would you have paid connection at the same time? But, the wifi was not working, so there's my answer. I paid 4 freaking Euros for a 20 minute internet access. That's like Rp. 65.000? That could get you a month subscription or something in Indo! I got to Geneva shortly after that. Sweet, that's all that matters.

Yay! Green stuff and mountains!

Mbak Rian picked me up and the plan was to stay at the extra room in her apartment. I had lunch in the apartment. She had kikil soup!!! I was eating kikil in Geneva!! If that is not surreal, I don't know what is. After settling in, I decided to see the city and travel by foot. I wanted to see how it took to walk from the apartment to the work place (45 minutes, Google said 30, but I'm tiny). I did not have the bus pass yet and did not know of any numbers to take. But I was told that 22 runs in front of the house. Depending myself on google maps and praying that I won't get lost, I went on to explore. Forty five minutes later, and after asking for some directions, I got to the UN headquarters.

This "Broken Chair" is right in front of the UN headquarters. It was installed by the Handicap International to support for the land mines ban.

Proof that I was there :) This is the UN headquarters in Geneva. I learnt that from now on, I have to develop the shameless social skill of asking help from strangers to take a picture of me. The skill would have to include picking up the right person who would understand that background that I want. The first person that I asked for help, took only left side of the whole UN writing (??). After that, I went on to business: finding my office. It was about 10 minutes walk from the headquarters. The office is inside WMO (World Meteorological Organization). I'll be working for IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change). I better be used to acronyms now.

That's where I'll be going everyday starting Monday. Wish me luck! I had to Google what OMM was and it turns out to be Organisation Meteorologique Mondiale (I had to slow down typing that). After that, I went to the park right in front of the building and met a nanny from the Phillipines who was resting on the bench with me. She was with this 4 year old boy from England who flirted with me. She said he likes girls, how cute. She told me that the famous fountain and flower clock were just across the road from the park, so I went on search for these sights based on her directions. It turns out that that was NOT true!!! It was SO not true. They were on the other side of the LAKE, I kid you not. So, lesson number two, is not to trust people so much. Trust Google instead! But across the street I did see the lake, although it looks a lot like Cayuga lake in Ithaca from that side. After around 7 pm, I called it a day and went home.

The next day wasn't as exciting. I got a new number. The number is: 0123-456-789 (you seriously did not think I would put it up, did you?) But, it does start with a 0. Got my monthly bus pass, which costs CHF70. Transportation is expensive, but when you have a super efficient one like in Geneva, it's worth it. It's design so that you just can't really get lost. I also got my train ticket to Paris for next weekend!! Yay, excited!! Although that reminds me, I have not done the presentation yet. I got a little groceries, too, just for survival stuff when I'm hungry at night or something. After all that, I got home and apparently was jet lagged so I slept for 3 hours.

When I woke up, I randomly decided to contact Cindy, a person that was introduced to me through Vicky in Facebook and asked if the Catholic Youth group was gathering some time soon. Half an hour later I was told that they were indeed meeting up that afternoon! It was a fun gathering, there were 6 people and we discussed the reading for this weekend mass and went for dinner afterwards. I was initiated to the 3 times kiss that Europeans do. Apparently you have to make the kissing sound or else you are impolite. A little awkward, but I can brush on my skills soon.

And today, I continued the exploration to the Old Town side of Geneva, which looked a lot more European than all the UN side of the city. It had narrow streets with cobble stone buildings and stone pathways. Cute! The biggest attraction is St. Pierre Cathedral which was there since the 4th century. The building we see now it the more "modern" church and there is excavation work to obtain the remnants of the original church below it. I went to the archeological museum where they explain the possible theory and predictions on how that early church was. It was... a bit boring. But I was there and I tried to stick with the audio explanation.

St. Pierre Tower

There was also a huuuuuge flea market there which opens every Wednesday and Saturday. Seriously, my mom would have died happy there. They have EVERYTHING. From bikes, to clothes, to dolls, books, bags, etc. It took me more than an hour to just walk around it. There is stuff and stuff on your left and right. I made me feel like I wanted a pair of eyes like that of chicken, one eye on each side of the head, so I won't miss out anything.

Asterix figurines

Angry birds!!!

Then, finally I'm off to see the Jet d'Eau, the high spurts of water. That's some pumping power right there. It looks quite amazing but to think again, any country with enough money could have such attraction. Just like the giant ferris wheel in Singapore. If you have money, you get giant ferris wheel. I would appreciate natural things better than this, but I respect the effort.

Jet d'Eau

Me with pretty background :)

It took a lot of time and nyasar-nyasar to get to this flower clock. This is a symbol for how on time everything is in Switzerland.

Okay, that's it for now. I will leave you with this random attraction I stumble upon when walking around the Old Town of Geneva. Ah, how I love randomness :)

Terima Kasih

2011-09-28T10:07:00.000-07:00

Akhirnya hari Jumat kemarin saya sidang juga. Perjalanan panjang menuju sidang yang berlangsung tidak lebih dari 2 jam tersebut. Sering saya bilang bahwa dua tahun terakhir ini, saya belajar bukan tentang teknik kimia atau teknik lingkungan, saya lebih banyak belajar tentang ilmu-ilmu praktis. Contohnya adalah bagaimana membawa diri di lingkungan yang isinya orang-orang pinter semua, gimana menghadapi professor atau orang-orang yang bertingkat super tinggi, menghadapi stress, keminderan, dan ketidakpastian, memanage waktu dan memotivasi diri, bergaul dengan banyak orang baru, dan lain sebagainya. Dalam hal urus-mengurus kehidupan sehari-hari beserta birokrasinya juga begitu. Mulai dari pendaftaran macam-macam, sekolah, visa, ijin kerja, sampe akhirnya jadi mbak-mbak sales jualan mobil. Ketika mulai melakukan hal-hal besar seperti itu, saya jadi bisa merasa bahwa.. waaah... saya sudah besar yaaa... hehe.. Tentunya tidak semua berjalan mulus, banyak hal yang terjadi yang membuat saya terjungkal-jungkal. Seperti semut yang berjalan melintasi dahi saya yang penuh jerawat ini, perjalanan saya juga banyak "grenjel-grenjel"-nya. Untungnya bukan hal yang besar-besar, tapi cukup membuat deg-degan dan frustasi.

Tahun lalu saya pernah bilang di blog ini bahwa saya ga bisa lihat bagaimana saya bisa lulus, sepertinya ujungnya sangat jauh. Saya juga merasa kadang-kadang ada yang memindahkan garis finish saya sehingga saya ga sampai-sampai. Kalau sampai saya lulus, terima kasih saya yang pertama tentu untuk Tuhan. Hanya kasih-Nya yang memampukan, tenaga-Nya yang memberi kekuatan lahir batin, dan jalan-Nya yang memberi ijin untuk membiarkan saya lewat, bukan karena saya pintar, beruntung, atau bekerja keras. Terima kasih Tuhan untuk tidak memberikan sesuatu yang mudah untuk dicapai, sehingga saya tidak bisa menyombongkan kemampuan saya ataupun merasa hebat. Mudah-mudahan apa yang saya sudah lalui dan apa yang akan saya perbuat di masa depan hanya untuk kemuliaan-Nya.

Terima kasih yang kedua untuk orang tua saya. Orang tua yang benar-benar mau yang terbaik bagi anak-anaknya, bukan yang terbaik menurut definisi mereka sendiri, tapi apa pun yang membuat saya dan kakak saya bahagia. Bahagia sesuai dengan arti kami masing-masing. Untuk saya, banyak sekali uang yang mereka keluarkan, terutama untuk biaya pendidikan di Amerika ini. Tapi lebih dari itu, mereka lah yang menemani saya di telpon ketika saya jongkok menangis di koridor sekolah karena ingin berhenti (ini playgroup atau uni?). Entah berapa kali mereka dengan sabar mendengarkan saya mengeluarkan kefrustasian. Papi saya adalah orang yang paling rajin mengecek sudah berapa orang yang baca tulisan saya di Kompasiana, Mami saya adalah orang yang paling pagi bangun untuk mengecek apakah paper conference saya diterima. Sungguh, kalau saya jadi orang tua nanti, dan saya bisa melakukan setengah saja dari apa yang telah mereka lakukan, saya sudah menjadi orang tua yang baik. Terima kasih sudah membiarkan saya terbang, mempercayai keputusan-keputusan yang saya ambil, meskipun saya tau pasti mereka ketar-ketir setiap saat. Untuk doa-doanya yang tidak pernah putus, untuk harapan-harapannya bagi saya yang tidak pernah pupus.

Terima kasih untuk kakak saya yang selamanya akan menjadi orang yang saya kagumi. Seseorang yang membawa tameng untuk menjitak sekaligus melindungi, seperti yang saya pernah bilang sebelumnya. Salah satu orang yang paling caring yang pernah saya temui, sekaligus orang yang paling independen. Terima kasih sudah menjadi role model yang luar biasa. Untuk keluarga besar yang terlalu banyak untuk disebut satu per satu, Opa Oma, Om Tante, dan sepupu-sepupu. It takes a village to raise someone well. Terima kasih untuk support, doa, dan semangat yang diberikan.

Untuk pacar saya yang juga menjadi target pelampiasan frustasi dan omel-omel kanan kiri. Salah satu orang yang paling baik dan sabar yang saya kenal. Terima kasih untuk cintanya yang besar dan pengertiannya di saat saya lagi sibuk ataupun di saat saya lagi manja. Sangat senang kita bisa berjuang di sekolahan bareng-bareng, sehingga lebih mengerti apa susahnya dan apa senangnya. Mudah-mudahan gaji dan prestige kita lebih tinggi yang dengan lanjut sekolah ini (looooh??) hehe.. I can't wait to see you again.

Interaksi saya dengan profesor pembimbing adalah sesuatu yang unik bagi saya. Dia memasukkan saya ke dalam research groupnya dan memberi saya "beasiswa" yaitu uang sekolah gratis dan gaji bulanan pada saat yang sangat tepat. Tidak butuh waktu lama baginya untuk merekrut saya; hanya 2 kali pertemuan singkat dan melihat CV saya. Sampai sekarang saya serius ga tau bagaimana dia bisa tau bahwa saya adalah orang yang tepat untuk dihadiahi segitu banyaknya uang dan kesempatan serta segitu besarnya tanggung jawab. Di dalam ketidakmengertian saya dan ketidak-percaya-diri-an saya, saya hanya bisa menenangkan diri dengan mengingat bahwa dia adalah profesor Emeritus yang sudah mengambil ratusan murid. He knows potential. Kalau dia bisa lihat itu, saya sendiri harus bisa lihat potensi yang saya punya. Semester pertama saya dengannya adalah masa-masa paling membingungkan. Dia orangnya banyak melepaskan anak muridnya untuk mengarahkan researchnya masing2. Sementara saya waktu itu bermental kacung tingkat tinggi yang sangat ingin diberitahu harus ngapain. Di research group ini juga saya bertemu orang-orang pintar, yang pintarnya belum pernah saya temui di mana-mana. Setiap kali group meeting saya sering diam takut berbicara, dan setiap kali meeting berdua dengan si profesor, saya sangat takut seolah-olah akan menghadap dewa sakti.

Long story short, baru kira-kira 4-5 bulan belakangan ini akhirnya adjustment period saya bisa berakhir. Ya, masih ada rasa takut dan minder, tapi jauh berkurang dan saya sudah bisa melihat titik terang di ujung lorong. Paling tidak saya tau ke mana arah saya berjalan dan deadline-deadline untuk menyelesaikan semuanya. Saya pun mulai mengenal lebih si profesor dan teman-teman group yang hatinya baik-baik. Si profesor yang senang bersepeda, yang travelling recordnya ga tanggung-tanggung, yang bisa bekerja bagaikan dia punya 8 otak. Dibalik kejeniusan, badan jumbo, dan karismanya, dia lah orang yang paling concern waktu teman saya kena virus mono, dan dia yang selalu have my back ketika urusan visa saya rada berantakan, dia yang berbicara langsung ke orang-orang kunci untuk memastikan saya tidak ilegal dan saya bisa dibayar. Dia yang selalu bilang ke orang-orang bahwa dia mau saya lanjut Phd. Tapi pada akhirnya dia yang bilang ke saya bahwa inilah hidupmu, dan you know what's best for yourself. Dia meng-email orang tua saya personally untuk berterima kasih atas hadiah miniatur sepeda dari Jawa. Dan butuh orang yang sangat pintar, sekaligus sangat rendah hati, untuk sering berkata: please entertain my stupid questions (lalu setelah itu melancarkan pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang walaupun basic, sangat memusingkan untuk dijawab). Saya tidak tau bagaimana cara berterima kasih sama dia, yang telah membukakan begitu banyak kesempatan untuk saya belajar serta mengagumi dan ikut mempraktekkan karakter-karakternya. Jika nanti kaya punya anak buah (baik pegawai di kantor maupun pembantu di rumah), saya akan selalu ingat bagaimana caranya menjadi seorang pemimpin dan pemotivator yang baik sepertinya.

Lalu untuk teman-teman dekat saya di Ithaca, yang kehadirannya banyak sekali mengurangi rasa stress. Memang sebagai cewe, rasanya kalo ga sharing tuh ada sesuatu yang lama-lama membludak. Terima kasih untuk menemani saya dan untuk pertemanannya. Banyak orang yang masuk ke sekolah bagus untuk mendapatkan networking yang kuat. Tapi orang-orang besar yang kita temui di conference, talks, atau career fair akan hanya jadi tumpukkan kartu nama. Untuk mereka kita menyiapkan “elevator speech”, rangkaian kalimat yang dilatih berulang-ulang untuk membuat sebuat impresi bagus. Sangat palsu dan penuh intensi tersembunyi. Pertemanan adalah networking terbaik, orang-orang yang tidak akan pernah lupa sama kita, yang saling membantu bukan hanya untuk karir tapi untuk lebih banyak hal yang penting dari itu. Tidak perlu elevator speech sambil menahan deg-degan, hanya perlu makanan di atas meja sambil ngobrol ketawa-ketawa. Teman adalah terapis gratis terbaik.

Masih banyak yang harus diterimakasihin. Teman-teman kantor, terutama yang kerja bareng saya di grup biofuel. Kita saling ga tau bareng dan belajar bareng. Cowo-cowo di kantor yang sering maen tembak-tembakan kalo sore kira-kira jam 3-an, atau jam berapa pun di hari Jumat (ini playgroup ato kantor?). Sekretaris-sekretaris dan staff department yang membantu dalam banyak hal dari urusan travel sampe urusan computer. Mengobrol dengan mereka membawa banyak pencerahan, karena mereka seolah mengerti bahwa hanya mereka lah orang-orang aman untuk dicurhati bagi anak-anak rantau. Ga mungkin kan curhat ke professor?

Saya pernah diingatkan bahwa sebenarnya cara berterima kasih yang baik dan benar itu adalah dengan melakukan apa yang orang tersebut lakukan untuk kita, terhadap orang lain lagi di masa depan. Misalnya, lagi rame-rame abis ngumpul, dan ada seseorang yang berbaik hati mencuci piring setelah selesai acara. Kita bisa aja bilang, “eh, makasih loh…” Tapi sebenarnya yang paling baik adalah langsung ikut bantu cuci-cuci, atau mungkin di lain kesempatan kita yang berinisiatif untuk mencuci duluan. That would be the greatest thank you to the person, not by mere words, but a thank you in action.

Jadi mudah-mudahan nanti saya bisa memberi banyak kesempatan untuk anak-anak muda lainnya untuk bersekolah seperti saya, atau paling tidak memberi motivasi, inspirasi, dan informasi. Kalau saya menjadi seseorang seperti professor saya, saya akan ingat bahwa kepercayaan akan kemampuan seseorang goes a really long way for that person. Dan “bawahan” saya adalah partner saya, bukan seseorang untuk disuruh-suruh dan dipekerjakan. Kalau saya menjadi orang tua, saya akan ingat passion dan kebahagiaan anak saya adalah pilihan dia sendiri dan saya akan melakukan yang terbaik agar dia bisa mencapai itu, dengan caranya sendiri pula. Bagi teman-teman dan saudara-saudara semua, mudah-mudahan saya bisa jadi companion yang baik di masa susah dan senang.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam, Filiae Melioris Aevi, Nil Sine Labore, Hook ‘em Horns, and finally Go Big Reds!

A Divided Nation

2011-09-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

It is the 10th year anniversary of the September 11 attacks. The iconic terrorism that has changed the lives of victims, as well as the lives of Moslems, as the misrepresentation of their religion flourished into painful stereotypes. As the first plane crashed one of the twin towers, the world watched in disbelief. Such terror only existed in war laden countries, such catastrophe only happened in lands unlucky enough to be situated in the ring of fire, such pain and tears only seen in the faces of parents losing their children from hunger. Not in the US, not in the land of freedom and opportunity, not in the strongest country in the world. But it did. And then the second tower was hit, along with it was the pride of America.

Years later, stories of 9/11 keep unfolding. There are victims from Moslem families whose families are torn and confused as they grief together with the Americans, but at the same time are discriminated by the stereotypes. There are the firefighter brothers who are still in need of lung transplants to recover from inhaling the thick smoke. There are the stories of parents working tirelessly to find any remnants of their children. There are children who are starting to understand what happened to their parents that day. People are still crying. They need closure.

I visited ground zero a month ago and saw the effort for that closure. The new twin towers stood high in front of me. They were not finished yet, but they were showing the promise of regaining back the pride and strength of America. They were bringing peace to the grieving, because the loss of their loved ones were appreciated. I entered the 9/11 museum. I wanted to know more details. It's hard though to just "know more". There was a wall full of flyers on missing people. I sat down on a bench and just looked a them. These strangers to me were really just faces, but as surreal as it was, I could assimilate that these are people with best friends and families, who were just working a 9 to 5 job, probably saving for something more fun than daily routines. They were as real as my sister or my dad. And there were thousands of them. There was a young guy sitting next to me. He was there a lot longer than I was, just staring. I wonder if one of those faces was his loved one.

Unfortunately, exactly 10 years after 9/11, when people are trying to recover from an act of absurdity, in Ambon, Indonesia a riot between Christian and Muslim communities broke, killing 3 people and injuring around 60. It made me think of the boxes that we have created in this world and how it angers us so very deeply when our box is touched by others. There is a strong sense of belonging towards where we come from (location and culture) or what we believe in (religion) such that if there are two strangers, somebody we completely do not know before, we would trust the one that come from our box (or close to it) and in the process distrust the other one. We would somehow love that person more than the other. While it might be human nature, there's something inherently wrong and unjust. Aren't we suppose to be just "human". I am one and you too, and not human who is an Indonesian and Catholic (or fill in yours), for example.

At church today, there was a small boy around 4 years old. He sat in front of me. Throughout the mass he was playing with his coloring book. He colored the picture way out of the line. He was not paying attention at all to what was happening in the mass. But, during the sign of peace where we shake or hug each other, he stood up on the bench and shook everybody's hands within his reach. He walked along the bench to approach everybody he could see, offered his left hand and said loudly "Peace be with you." He was left-handed. The adults did not greet back as loud as he did, we did not take the effort to reach out the ones that were a little further away, too. But, this boy, just made our day with his trust, peace, and hospitality of a child. After that he went on coloring his book. Such joy and freedom in understanding that peace is to be extended to all no matter what. We adults don't understand that.

Also at church, the choir sang a hymn called "This is My Song." This is the first time I heard it. Coming into church, I thought today would be all about remembering the 9/11 victims and joining in the celebration of having hope and strength. Today is when we embrace Americans and the pain of this tragedy. But this song told me that no, it's never about a dream and well-being of a country, not America, not Indonesia. It's about a whole and undivided nation under God.

To the victims of 9/11, to the victims of Ambon riot, to the victims of the brokenness of humanity.

This is my song, O God of all the nations,

A song of peace for lands afar and mine.

This is my home, the country where my heart is;

Here are my hopes, my dreams, my holy shrine;

But other hearts in other lands are beating

With hopes and dreams as true and high as mine

My country's skies are bluer than the ocean,

And sunlight beams on clover-leaf and pine.

But other lands have sunlight too and clover,

And skies are everywhere as blue as mine.

Oh, hear my song, O God of all the nations,

A song of peace for their land and for mine.

It Feels Like Home

2011-08-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

You know what first love was like. Like squirrels pretending to be busy with pine cones, I looked down at my notebook, my writing is nothing more that scribbles of gibberish words and stick figures. Every half of minute or so I stole a glance at him, who I didn't have, who I wasn't even sure that I want to have. But the possibility of it is what's teasing me. I quite liked the adrenaline. I liked letting my mind wander to the things I have never experienced before, it always have the best view, it does not know yet what could go wrong.

I thought he liked me too. Of the many instances that I gazed at him, I caught him looking back. So, I thought he stole glances, too, like I did, so I started keeping track of the times that our eyes met. We never talked, well, close to never, unless you count hi bye's in. I was too afraid of the things that I would say wrong or too afraid of rejections. Some of my close friends knew, except one, because I knew that she liked him, too. She confessed that to me, actually, to many people. But, the fact that she did it first denied me the right and access to say what I truly wanted to say to her. I thought that was what a good friend suppose to do, to let your friend have their one of the first fantasies of love, because you started to understand yourself how wonderful it was. Especially when I felt that he had something towards me, which I got from the glances. I truly thought so. But, in the end, neither of us ended up with him. Towards the end of semester, he got together with a girl whom I thought did not suit him. I did not understand, didn't we have something?

Another good friend of mine liked a boy whom I knew liked me. This time it was more than glances. It was borrowing books, trying to joke around, calling, but somehow I wasn't interested. There was a period when I was quite the feminist. I had things going right in life, I did not need boys around. I remember telling an older girl that I did not know what is the purpose of being in a relationship. From what I saw what kids my age would do is hang around holding hands, and nobody lasted over a year. I said to her, I did not want to play around, I did not understand what I should do if I am in a relationship with somebody who I didn't really know, what would we talk about? Therefore, I adamantly stated, I would only have a boyfriend when I am in college. I wish now that she had countered my arguments, but she didn't. I think I convinced her. The boy did come and ask me out. I said no. Then, I could not hold myself from letting my good friend who liked him know about all these. She did what a good friend suppose to do, listen and let your friend had the first experience of being on the powerful side of rejection. Then, after that, watched as karma came back to do some ass-biting.

I blamed it on hormone imbalance. You could certainly disagree. Not long after I rejected him, I started to grow some feelings. Don't ask why, I never had reasons for most of the things I did at that age. But it was too late, and revenge was more powerful that rejection. Long story short, he asked another girl out right in front of me. People asked me, are you alright? Standing up for my pride I said, yeah, it was a mean thing that he did, and she was stupid enough to want to be what obviously was a rebound. But, I laid down thinking that night that I was probably the stupid one, a laughing stock, the girl with ridiculous stands, trying to be smart when she's not. And I got my heart broken, which funnily did not leave me feeling sad, but somehow angry.

Those were some of the first loves that shaped my heart. Through which I broke hearts and got mine broken, too. But, those were the necessaries, that taught teenagers that love is more than glances and attractions, and friends while being together in confusions, sometimes have to suddenly become more mature and do what friends do. And those are the things that finally make you believe the cheesy lyric of a pop song by Rascal Flatts, "God bless the broken road, the lead me straight to you." It's funny how time enables you to laugh at yourself who were being laughed at by others. It's funny how love teaches balances, good bad, yes no, ugly beautiful, past and future.

Boys are never my forte, unfortunately. I was uneasy around them. When I was 19, I was asked, do you know what kind of wedding dress you want to wear? Things like that were the furthest things from my imagination, I could not even make up a lie about it. The best answer I would have was: White? Girls who had dresses, venues, menus made up in their minds for their weddings at an early age were just those in movies. In real life, we just don't do that, I thought. My close friends were somehow not attached, too. So, I didn't have any pressure to go into any relationship. But, I have to admit that there were moments in my early twenties when I started to wonder, what is it like to have a boyfriend?

At the end of my senior year, I got my answers. When you felt that you are with the right one, everything becomes easy; you become easy. I started to let my guards down. Being a twenty something girl with no experience at a relationship, I was told by some that I was playing it hard. Some tried to scare me by telling me that when I am 40 and still have nobody, I would just take anyone and regretted my earlier decisions. But, the truth is, I wasn't playing hard. The guys that I fancy do not like me, and vice versa. Like Michael Buble would say, it's as simple as: I just haven't met you yet. When I did say yes to the guy who asked me out, what was my answer to my previous question? One word: mind-boggling. I could not believe that there is somebody whom I liked, who liked me back. Somehow the probability does not make sense in my mind. My mom, in the nicest way told me that it's a miracle. Thanks, Mom. But, it's probably true, some sort of a miracle just happened. I just couldn't believe that it happened to me.

That first day of our relationship, was awkwardly beautiful. It was the first time somebody had really hold my hand. He was reserved, he asked first for my hand. He dropped me off at my apartment and had wanted to walk me to my door. I said, no it's OK, I can walk myself there. I have always walked myself, and wouldn't be incapable of that once I got a boyfriend. I wasn't smart enough to just let him do it. He was sick, unfortunately, so he went back to his place to rest. He said he'll come back to my place before he leaves town in the afternoon. I got back to my apartment and started calling some friends excitedly to tell them the good news. I locked myself in the bathroom and did silly dances. I cooked the best porridge that I could for him to take for dinner. When he came back to my place, he gave me a hug before going off. We'll see each other again in a week. I told him that I had to get used to this, I meant the hugging. But, I knew that nice things would not take long to get used to. I've always been a fast learner anyways, or at least that's what I say in interviews.

Two and half years later from that first day, it's hard to pick where to start when talking about what has changed. A lot, I felt like. But at the same time, it's like being on a swing. You move a lot, but you are swinging around the same spot. You just feel more comfortable and less fearful of the heights. A lot of the personality is still there. We are together, yet are still two different people. So, the differences that we have seen since the beginning are still around, the similarities that bring us together are still around too. So you can imagine that although we are closer together and we grow into each other, the things we fight about are the same things that came up in the first 2 weeks of the relationship. Some may say that means you are not progressing, but I think the progress lies in the fact that now we know that we start to accept differences or willing to try change ourselves for the better.

This summer 3 of my girl friends experience love. One got together with a guy from Australia, one is in something called Ta'aruf which is a relationship above merely being boyfriend and girlfriend and somewhere below an engagement, and the other one is exploring the possibility of being together with an American. So, all of us are in a long distance relationship. We sat down on a late Friday night (three of us, the other one has left Ithaca) in a bar-like restaurant over cups of frozen yogurt discussing our takes on love, on how a girl should be to a guy, on how we feel towards touches, on special occasions in a relationship, on the possibility of marriage, on what girls usually fall for and on anything we felt like talking about. For me, I felt much different than where I was as a 14 year old girl trying to define the love that I would want (I'd be scared if I am not). I felt like we've moved away from mere glances or touching hands, we are learning that love is seeing: what's good and bad, what to change or retain, arranging future, etc. It is also holding: the words you partner say, trusting his decisions, his heart and your own heart close to you. And it's talking, A LOT of it: skype, calls, emails, text, bbm, and prayers. Love is no longer about the drama, heart breaks, or crushes, it feels more like real life, it feels like a gift. As you grow up, you'd be thankful of a gift, but you wouldn't be on the floor throwing a fit if you don't get one.

We joked around saying that our guys are just not willing to stay in a rural city like Ithaca, that's why we are all in an LD relationship. The waiter asked if he could dim the light; the bar was almost closing. There came a couple who just got married, just the two of them without their friends or family members. The girl looked like she was pregnant. She went to the restroom for quite some time. The guy sit down quietly waiting for the girl to come out. His expression was flat. Meanwhile, the bar singer sang his heart out to the small but appreciative crowd:

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me

And how long I've waited for your touch

And if you knew how happy you are making me

I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from

It feels like home to me, if feels like home to me

It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

By Your Side

2011-08-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

Never fails to give some perspective.

Romantisme di Bawah Pohon

2011-08-04T17:12:00.000-07:00

Minggu pertama saya datang ke Ithaca, saya jalan-jalan di kampus. Lalu sampailah saya ke sebuah taman yang cukup luas, dihiasi dengan beberapa pohon rindang. Saya ambil fotonya, dan ketika diupload ke picasa, di bagian subtitle saya tulis: One day, I will sit under those trees and think. Tapi, tentu saja pada kenyataannya setelah itu, tidak sekali pun pernah saya lakukan. Males lah, panas lah, banyak kerjaan lah, dll. Sampai akhirnya kemaren, pagi-pagi saya dapat e-mail dari library, katanya buku yang saya pesan sudah dateng. Saya cukup kaget karena sebenarnya saya cuma iseng-iseng doang loh. Setahun yang lalu saya pernah pesen artikel yang sumbernya dari Australi dan terenteeeeng... datang lah artikel tersebut. Sehingga sekarang saya coba lagi mengerjai si perpustakaan dengan permintaan aneh. Ada dua buku sebenarnya yang saya minta, yang pertama "Madre" dari Dewi Lestari dan yang satu lagi "A9ama Saya Adalah Jurnalisme" dari Andreas Harsono. Yang berhasil didatangkan adalah yang kedua. Hore hore!!

Sorenya akhirnya saya bertandang ke perpustakaan untuk mengambil bukunya. Kebetulan tempat perpustakaannya dekat dengan taman yang dulu saya foto itu, sehingga akhirnya, secara merasa sebentar lagi akan pindah, saya memenuhi keinginan tersebut untuk duduk-duduk di bawah pohon. Mungkin tidak untuk benar-benar berpikir, tapi, ah, bukannya membaca adalah bentuk berpikir juga? Saya memilih pohon yang paling dekat. Ih, banyak semutnya ternyata, ga mau ah. Lalu, akhirnya memilih pohon terdekat kedua yang cukup rindang, kering, dan tidak terlihat disemuti. Saya duduk, kemudian sedikit bingung, tas saya cukup trendi nih, masa ditaro di tanah? Beruntung saya bawa laptop yang disarungi, dan saya lebih rela untuk mengotori tas laptop tersebut yang handlenya hampir robek. Laptop saya tarok mendatar, lalu si tas trendy nangkring di atasnya.

Saya bersandar ke pohon. Wah, ternyata angle akar dan batangnya pas banget menopang punggung, serasa recliner alami. Angin sepoi-sepoi, matahari masi cukup tinggi namun diredam awan, kampus sepi karena summer, saya pun mulai baca kata pengantar Andreas Harsono, si jurnalis/blogger yang mengaku bukunya ini buku-bukuan. Tepat ketika kata pengantar habis, tiba-tiba datang lah seekor tupai (serius, ini bukan lagi mimpi jadi Snow White). Saya berdecak-decak, coba panggil dia, berbisik lembut seakan dia bakal ngerti. Padahal kalau sampai si tupai datang beneran, saya juga kurang tau mau diapakan. Dielus kah? Dulu waktu sekitar umur 8, saya pernah persis melakukan hal ini terhadap seekor anak kucing jalanan. Saya lagi naik sepeda di jalanan depan rumah waktu saya lihat anak kucing warna kuning keemasan berputar-putar bingung. Saya turun dari sepeda, berdecak-decak dan menjentik-jentikkan jari berharap dia datang. Tidak disangka, dia langsung lari kencang ke arah saya, sehingga saya tiba-tiba jadi ketakutan, cepat-cepat menaiki sepeda lagi dan menggoyes panik ke arah pager rumah. Dan si anak kucing terus mengejar saya dari belakang sambil saya teriak-teriak. Waktu kecil saya cukup bodoh.

Kembali ke si tupai, dia berjarak cukup dekat dengan saya, tapi terlihat berhati-hati seakan siap untuk kabur kalau sesuatu sampai terjadi. Dia dan saya saling pandang-memandang, saling curiga tapi penasaran. Lalu dia loncat-loncat, ternyata mendekati sebuah benda putih di dekat saya, yang sepertinya adalah gabus, tapi mungkin juga sebenarnya roti, saya tidak yakin. Setelah menggigit si benda putih, dia memalingkan muka dan loncat-loncat pergi. Tidak terlalu jauh, dari suaranya dia hanya pergi ke balik batang pohon yang saya senderi. Terdengar suaranya menggigit-gigit dan memainkan hasil petualangannya. Saya pun lanjut ke Bab 1, mengenai 9 pilar utama etika jurnalistik. Andreas ini pernah berguru dengan Bill Kovach, yang katanya jurnalis terkenal Amerika, yang juga dipuji-puji oleh Goenawan Mohamad, editor Tempo yang katanya juga terkenal. Saya mengangguk-angguk dalam hati tanda sok percaya, padahal saya tidak kenal mereka. Katanya, pilar pertama adalah kebenaran, yang bisa jadi sangatlah subjektif. Namun kebenaran ini bukan sesuatu yang mutlak, ia dapat direvisi seiring fakta-fakta baru, dan dibangun lapis demi lapis. Lalu yang kedua adalah loyalitas, yang sesungguhnya harus diletakkan pada masyarakat, bukan pada yang membayar untuk sebuah berita, bukan pada bisnis-bisnis yang ingin marketing, bukan pada partai, dan lain sebagainya. Lalu... setelah itu, si tupai datang lagi.

Di kejauhan, saya lihat ada tupai lain yang juga bermain-main di bawah pohon. Sepertinya kali ini bakal ada adegan India, di mana mereka berlarian dari jauh dan bertemu dan berputar-putar mengelilingi pohon. Tapi saya salah, kayaknya mereka masih pdkt malu-malu saja. Ah, kenapa saya jadi seperti anjing yang di film "UP" yang selalu terdistract kalau lihat tupai?? Lanjut ke elemen ketiga jurnalistik yaitu verifikasi yang ada 4 metodanya: penyuntingan secara skeptis, memeriksa akurasi, jangan berasumsi, dan pengecekan fakta. Sampai sini saya bingung. Kok kayanya 4 metoda itu mirip-mirip doang, hanya memakai deskripsi yang berbeda? Lalu di belakang saya, terdengar orang lalu lalang. Sepintas saya dengar mereka berbicara tentang the motivational poster. Eh, apa saya lagi diomongin ya, duduk di bawah pohon kan cocok tuh jadi gambar motivational poster. Ini dia sindrom orang pemalu sekaligus peng-geer. Tapi, serius, orang pemalu yang ekstrim yah, biasanya sampe ga berani keluar-keluar rumah karena dia merasa diliatin orang dan diomongin. Namanya social anxiety, tapi versi gawatnya, yang menurut saya adalah sindrom ke geer an sebenernya. Terlalu fokus sama diri sendiri, berasa selalu ada yang salah, sangat-sangat self-concious. Dan tiba-tiba saya pun merasa risih.. Ih orang-orang lewat gini, aneh kali ya ngeliat gw duduk sendirian di bawah pohon. Aih, padahal kalo lagi bukan summer, hal-hal lebih aneh banyak terjadi di taman ini salah satunya pasangan yang bercumbu panas, dan mereka cuek-cuek aja tuh.

Saya coba pusatkan pikiran ke buku baru lagi, sambil menambahkan elemen sendiri ke 9 elemen jurnalitik itu: FOKUS. Tapi sebentar kemudian.. celekit celekit... pas di pantat. Sial, ternyata semut-semut sudah berhasil menemukan aset berharga saya. Saya coba tahan, mungkin perasaan aja kali yah, kan ini pake jeans, masa bisa tembus. Namun celekit-celekit itu tidak berhenti. Harga diri saya terinjak-injak dikalahkan oleh semut, sehingga saya menciptakan alasan lain untuk cabut pulang: laperrrr. Terbayang indomi plus plus: indomi kuah pake telor ditambahin bakso sapi. Nyam nyaaam...

Akhirnya tidak sampai 1 bab, saya jalan pulang, sambil berpikir bahwa ternyata kadang suatu hal yang sangat indah terbayangkan, pada kenyataannya tidak nyaman. Padahal cuaca sore itu sangat asik, dan buku ditangan juga sangat menarik. Apakah mimpi-mimpi saya sebenarnya juga mirip dengan romantisme di bawah pohon ini? Ah sudah lah saya laper.

Love Me - JJ Heller

2011-07-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

Teman dalam Kehidupan

2011-07-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

Tenangkan dirimu sahabatku

Aku tidak akan pergi ke mana-mana

Kita hidup bersama

Dan akan mati bersama

Kudengarkan desahmu merambat ke ubun-ubunku

Ketahuilah jika kau sedih, aku juga terganggu

Saat khawatir mebuatmu ragu

Kan kuceritakan berulang-ulang

Bagaimana sejarah akan membuat kita percaya

Bahwa semuanya akan baik-baik saja

Kurasakan resahmu

Yang buatku terjaga, berpikir, tak bisa tidur

Tangisanmu ini bukan yang pertama

Dan tidak akan jadi yang terakhir

Aku kenal kamu

Yang akan bangkit pada saatnya

Dan berkobar melebihi semua yang mampu aku bayangkan

Maka kurelakan kamu menangis

Sampai kita berdua lelah terlelap

Jangan bingung teman

Akan kurancang rencana hebat kita

Akan kucari jalan menantang dunia

Akan kuciptakan penemuan baru

Tapi aku butuh kamu untuk kembali bahagia

Sehingga di saat aku gila

Akan kepintaran dan harta dunia

Kamu ada untuk berkata

Bahwa detak jantung kita hanya berdenyut untuk Tuhan

Tidak pernah untuk memuji kebijakan pikiran

Tenang dulu teman

Jangan hanyut di lautan

Sampanku siap membawa kita

Lepaskan anginmu untuk bertiup dan aku akan mendayung

Kamu menyemangati, aku menghitung

Arah matahari, sabitnya bulan, dan rasi bintang

Kita akan sampai

Kita satu pikiran

Kita satu hati

Being Foreigners in Our Own Country

2011-07-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

There is a travel website that I usually follow on a daily basis: notventures.notcot.org. It gives pretty visuals from the pictures that would actually get you to the original web source when you click it. And once in a while something on Indonesia would come up and it gives me the deepest pleasure to see my beloved country being featured. Today, however, is an exception as I saw “Pulau Joyo” in one of the pictures.

For those of you who just never heard of Pulau Joyo, no worries, I had not too, and this time we are not being ignorant Indonesians who are not aware of our islands. Pulau Joyo, apparently as I found out, is a very tiny island off Riau province that had been transformed into a private island getaway serving only high income tourists who prefer some seclusion from the world without having to go to the rural areas. The island houses 4 bungalows that they called “palaces” and from the picture on their website they occupies the majority of the island area. So, from the looks of it, this island has been bought off completely and what was a private island has been developed a little more to luxury boutique hotel to be rented. Although the people who are willing to stay there have to go out of their way to actually reach the island (by a series of plane and boat rides), the place is nothing but rural.

The island was opened for tourists by the couple who owns it on mid of June 2011, so they just getting the buzz very recently. In their facebook page, I saw some people complaining about the change of the island’s name. It was Pulau Suka before it got changed to Pulau Joyo for some reason. I don’t have anything against rich people who goes on buying islands and making business. They probably are great people with excellent business instinct who loves exploring Indonesia and sees the potential in the beautiful petite island that others don’t see. But, I have to say, some things in the website just got my nerves. For one thing, they mention about the Balinese beds and Java houses in the description about the palaces, when they are located in the Riau Archipelago that has a Malay culture mixed with North and West Sumatrans lifestyle, far from resembling that of the Javanese. Another thing is that we can see that it is so much geared towards attracting foreign tourists that the website is either only in English or in Russian and they keep on emphasizing that it’s easy to reach it from Singapore, the current hub of Southeast Asi

a. And I guess while I keep reminding myself that I know nothing about the owner and like I said they are probably great people, it’s hard to not notice the ignorance that the business has towards the country it’s located at. It is somehow very disturbing to think that this “classic Robinson Crusoe island” is nothing like the rest of Riau province, where people can’t even enjoy the beach because they are busy thinking about what the sea might provide for their families today.

While I would to see increase tourism and better management of Indonesia’s wonderful spots, it is disheartening if the Indonesians cannot enjoy them ourselves. We become the foreigners, getting the second class citizen treatment in our own land, looking from afar, wondering why something that is so near can be so very different and unattainable. My hope is for investors and anybody who have fallen in love with the beauty of Indonesia and the business opportunity to also fall in love with the people and understand how it felt like when your home does not feel like home anymore.

Growing Up with Harry Potter

2011-07-17T06:01:00.000-07:00

Finally, this is the weekend where a very good thing has to come to an end. For millions of Harry Potter fans, it's a bittersweet goodbye as they watch their favorite underdog hero defeats You-Know-Who. But at the same time, it's a victory that indicates an ending to 14 years long of book and movie releases of the Potter world.

It was 1997 when the first book, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, was released. He was 11 years old back then when he found out that he was a special boy who suddenly realized that magic was real and he had to go to a school called Hogwarts. I was 11 years old and was as spellbound as he was when I discovered the world of books, J.K. Rowling's, particularly, and the magic they could bring into my life. Many of the kids my age that time did not know what "sorcerer" mean, nor did we know the other hundreds unfamiliar words inside the book. But, that certainly did not hinder us to get the idea of the story and imagine the rest of the details ourselves. In a way, the Harry Potter series has revived the passion that kids in my generation should have for stories, reading, and imagination.

Somewhere in the third and fourth book the story plots started to really darken. There was a point where I felt that the series had lost its charm for children and was meant to serve an older audience. I thought it should still portray the more magical side of the school instead of dealing with fights and deaths. But, as I look back, I realize that it had to go somewhere darker and more complicated. The readers who fell in love with the first book had entered an adolescent stage where fear, strength, acceptance, rage, pressure, friendship, love, and hormone imbalance became a daily battle, just like what Harry was like in the books. Then from then on, the other books got even more sophisticated as Rowling kept true to deliver to her loyal readers who became older with time. We were no longer easily stupefied by simple magic. We wanted enemies, betrayal, trickery, scattered clues that only come together close to the very end.

I grow alongside with Harry and the gang. I have matured as they have. In the first movie, Daniel Radcliff came as this cheeky clean-faced boy and now in the last he comes in as a clean-shaved young man. He has currently moved on to doing broadway shows. Emma Watson embodies Hermione's love for learning as she moves on to pursue a degree at Brown University, while Rupert Grint has pursued acting in other movies. They are all moving along. And so should we.

When giving her speech before the very first screening of the last movie, JK Rowling, with watery eyes and shaky voice expressed her gratitude for her fans, "No story lives unless someone wants to listen." Then to the fact that this is all ending, she said, "The stories we loved best do live in our hearts." As a fan, to her, I would say thank you for allowing us to listen to that crazy twisted thoughts of hers. And to the fact that this is all ending, I'd like to say that not only Harry Potter lives in our hearts, he lives in our thoughts and the values we hold, as she has taken part to shape our generation who in the very first time would run frantically towards the dictionary sized books without any coercing at all. And more than that, these stories will also live in those of our children as we would certainly share to them what we have hold dear growing up.

Butterbeer cheers to a bittersweet ending!

Indonesia Tidak Cukup Luas Untuk Kita

2011-07-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

Amerika adalah daratan sarat akan kesempatan, the land of opportunity. Sebuah negara di mana pendatangnya berebut mengadu nasib, yang miskin jadi kaya, yang bodoh jadi pintar, dan yang kepepet setidaknya bisa menemukan banyak cara untuk bertahan hidup. Tidak diherankan mengapa banyak sekali orang Indonesia yang hijrah ke Amerika. Tapi ternyata kesempatan tidak hanya terbuka di sana, melainkan juga di Singapura, Malaysia, Arab, Australia yang menjadi tempat orang-orang Indonesia menyemut. Fenomena emigrasi ini, baik yang sementara atau pun permanen menjadi sebuah pertanyaan untuk dipikirkan. Tidak cukup luas kah Indonesia untuk kita?

Sepengelihatan saya ada tiga golongan besar orang-orang yang pergi ke luar negeri. Yang pertama adalah dari golongan kelas atas yang memiliki kekuatan finansial yang cukup untuk menyekolahkan anak-anaknya ke luar negeri. Sebagian dari golongan ini lah yang akhirnya menetap di luar negeri ketika mendapat pekerjaan yang mapan di sana setelah lulus. Yang kedua adalah yang berhasil mendapatkan beasiswa untuk ke negara tujuan, yang biasanya kembali setelah tenggat waktu studinya selesai. Dan yang ke tiga adalah apa yang kita panggil sebagai pahlawan devisa negara kita, atau Tenaga Kerja Indonesia. Banyak alasan yang bisa dipaparkan yang mendasari keputusan untuk hengkat dari Indonesia. Perlu diakui, sistem edukasi di luar negeri lebih terpercaya dan akses networking ke professor serta orang-orang besar lainnya lebih terbuka lebar. Kenyamanan tinggal di luar negeri juga menjadi suatu daya tarik. Di Singapura contohnya, semua bagian dari negaranya terjangkau dengan MRT dan bus sehingga sebagian besar masyarakatnya tidak mempunyai kendaraan pribadi. Keadaan jalan di Amerika yang mulus dan teratur ditambah dengan kemudahan pemakaian GPS juga membuat banyak orang malas untuk kembali ke kemacetan Jakarta. Keadaan sistem dan akses yang lebih efisien seperti sistem kesehatan, high-speed internet, tingkat keamanan, dan lain sebagainya juga membuat kenyamanan menjadi komoditi yang dimimpikan. Gaji, adalah alasan klasik selanjutnya. Ini lah yang membuat para TKI berani berangkat meskipun sudah mengetahui bahwa nasib seperti Ruyati bukan hanya dongeng belaka. Kalau kita bandingkan, di tingkat sarjana. Seorang kelulusan universitas Indonesia yang ternama pun, ketika mendapatkan pekerjaan, akan kesusahan untuk memenuhi kebutuhan hidupnya, apalagi untuk punya tabungan. Gaji yang diterima pekerja baru di sebuah perusahaan minyak misalnya, bisa berkisar 8-10 juta, dan beruntunglah mereka dibanding teman-temannya yang bekerja di bank dengan gaji 2 juta. Sedangkan lulusan teknik petroleum di Amerika, bisa dibayar 90,000 US dollar per tahun, yang sangat lebih dari cukup untuk hidup di sana sehingga bisa mulai menyicil untuk rumah.

Namun budaya emigrasi ini bukan salah siapa-siapa. Dari sejak zaman purba pun dikenal istilah "nomadik" bagi kelompok yang tinggalnya selalu berpindah-pindah. Bangsa keturunan Cina dan India juga sangat dikenal dengan kebiasaannya yang melanglang buana hingga akhirnya banyak kota-kota besar di dunia yang mempunyai China Town dan Little India. Singapura pun yang kita lihat negara yang enak untuk ditinggali, menghadapi permasalahan besar dengan warganya yang "kabur" menghindari sistem negara yang terkesan sedikit diktator, sampai-sampai mereka yang beremigrasi sering dicap sebagai "traitors", pengkhianat. Jadi budaya ini tidak terbatas ke isu bahwa negara yang ditempati kurang berpotensi atau tidak nyaman. Tapi ada peran kecondongan manusia untuk selalu mencari yang lebih baik, berpetualang, melihat dunia, dan tidak puas dengan apa yang dimiliki di negara sendiri.

Lepas dari itu, mempunyai orang-orang Indonesia di luar negeri membawa keuntungan yang sebenarnya cukup besar. Orang-orang inilah ambassador gratis bangsa kita. Di saat turis international tidak datang ke Indonesia, mereka membawa Indonesia ke dunia. Percakapan sehari-hari dengan teman sekelas dan teman kerja menjadi kesempatan emas untuk menetralisir pemberitaan tentang Indonesia di dunia yang seringnya berkisar tentang bencana alam, atau topik tidak penting yang tiba-tiba trending di twitter, seperti Tifatul yang menjabat Michelle Obama. Merekalah "point of contact" yang nyata bagi dunia yang langsung bisa berkata, "If you would like to donate to Indonesia, we could assist." dan "Don't worry about Tifatul, he does and says the most ridiculous things. Giving him a ministerial position is a mistake." Dan sadarkah kita betapa banyaknya produk Indonesia yang diekspor ke luar negeri. Di Amerika, setiap Asian market, pasti punya kecap manis ABC. Dan tentunya, Indomie sudah bersebaran di mana-mana, bukan hanya untuk dikonsumsi masyarakat Indonesia, tapi juga oleh orang-orang Amerika yang menyadari keajaiban enaknya Indomie. Sebagai contoh, lihat saja video di ini

Pertanyaan yang sering terdengar selanjutnya, akan kah mereka-mereka ini kembali ke Indonesia dan membangun bangsa? Saya rasa jawabannya: tidak penting mau kembali atau tidak, kalau memang ada niat untuk membangun bangsa, niatan itu dapat dilaksanakan dari mana saja dan dalam bentuk yang berbeda-beda. Tetapi, ada sebuah trend yang diamati oleh Sarah Lacy (http://www.sarahlacy.com/sarahlacy/indonesia/), pengamat bisnis di negara berkembang dan senior editor dari Techcruch.com bahwa banyak dari pelajar Indonesia di Amerika yang kembali ke Indonesia, kebanyakan untuk melanjutkan bisnis orang tuanya. Dan tentunya banyak alasan lainnya mengapa mereka kembali.

While it’s all but impossible for Indians to get granted US student visas these days, Indonesians get approved at a rate north of 85%, according to the Embassy folks I traveled with for the last two weeks. “It’s amazing,” I was told. “They just never overstay.”

Mungkin ini lah kekuatan seni kekeluargaan dan gotong royong kita, yang akhirnya membuahkan hasil: bahwa selalu ada rasa ingin kembali ke Indonesia. Ini juga terlihat dari pesawat yang selalu berjubel dipenuhi oleh TKI yang mudik dari Arab atau Malaysia ketika lebaran tiba.

Maka saya rasa tidak perlu kita kuatir terkena imbas "brain drain". Sudah rahasia umum pula kalau masyarakat Indonesia di luar negeri rajin ngumpul dan ngaso dengan sesama Indonesia. Rasa kangen terhadap rumah digantikan dengan pergaulan sesama anak bangsa yang tidak lagi melihat kamu dari daerah mana atau keturunan dan beragama apa. Karena di luar negeri, semua detail terhapus dan terganti cukup dengan "Saya orang Indonesia". Kalau pun ada yang tidak kembali atau tidak berbuat apa-apa sama sekali bagi negara, ke-Indonesiaan itu bukanlah sesuatu yang gampang untuk dihapus. Dan inilah yang kita tebar seperti biji dandelion ke mana-mana.

Biar lah orang Indonesia bebas mengarungi dunia. Bukankah nenek moyang kita seorang pelaut? Lagipula tidak akan pernah ada baik daratan atau lautan yang cukup luas untuk manusia. Itulah sebabnya kita berekspedisi ke bulan dan planet tetangga, untuk mengintip ada apa sebenarnya di sana, untuk mencicip apakah ada kehidupan yang lebih baik.

***

Pahlawan Tanpa Tanda-Tanda

2011-07-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Saya punya teman, yang sewaktu kecil, sangat iri dengan adiknya. Sebuah fenomena yang tidak jarang ditemukan di anak-anak yang baru saja mempunyai adik bayi, karena mereka merasa tidak diperhatikan sepenuhnya lagi, dan segalanya tiba-tiba harus dibagi. Dibagi rata, kebanyakan, meskipun sebagai kakak porsi dahaganya mungkin lebih besar. Saking jengkelnya, suatu hari, dia menjepit hidung adiknya berharap adiknya berhenti bernafas. Untuuuung saja tidak terjadi sesuatu yang fatal. Akhir dari kejadian itu tidak saya dapatkan. Mungkin orang tuanya datang menolong, atau dia masih terlalu bodoh untuk mengerti bahwa manusia mampu menghirup lewat mulut. “Sibling rivalry”, itu lah yang sering kita dengar. Tapi sesungguhnya “rivalry” jenis ini lah yang menurut saya sebuah cinta berbentuk unik, sangat berbeda dari gaya cinta lainnya, dan sesuatu yang jarang kita hargai.

Ingatkah kita apa yang Darwin katakan di teorinya? Dia bilang species-species yang bertahan hidup adalah mereka yang paling mencocokkan diri dengan keadaannya. Istilah kerennya “survival of the fittest,” bukan yang paling kuat, paling besar, atau paling pintar. Bahkan, bukan pula yang sudah paling lama merajai dunia. Oleh karena itu, ketika seorang adik dilahirkan, terpaksalah si kakak beradaptasi. Bayangkan kalau dia tetap memaksa merasa dirinya anak tunggal, yang ada pasti dia kena marah dan hukuman terus atas keegoisannya. Si adik pun, sadar tidak sadar, harus tau bahwa dari detik dia dilahirkan, sudah ada predator yang siap mengganggu ketenangannya sehingga dia harus pintar-pintar menjaga diri. Survival of the fittest ini lah pelajaran paling penting di dunia, yang ternyata tidak dapat diajarkan oleh orang tua, karena mereka terlalu lembut sama kita, atau pun ibu guru, karena mereka lebih mementingkan matematika. Tapi seorang saudara, memberikan itu secara cuma-cuma. Si adik yang dipencet hidungnya, harus menyadari bahwa terkadang, udara pun bisa mahal harganya.

Lepas dari segala pertengkaran berebut mainan, buku, remote TV, dan perhatian, saya sebagai adik harus mengakui bahwa saya memandang tinggi kakak saya. Kebiasaan dari kebanyakan adik-adik adalah mengikuti. Kalau si kakak suka trend A, seketika trend A itu terlihat sangat keren. Kalau dia senang menggambar, adiknya pun ikut corat-coret. Kalau dia bersikukuh minta dibeliin buah kesemek, adiknya juga jadi pengen makan buah kesemek, walaupun tidak tau apa itu sebenarnya. Secara naluri, itulah yang adik-adik lakukan. Kenapa? Selain karena ga mau kalahan dan juga just for the sake of being annoying, menurut saya inilah teknik survival dasar yang kedua yaitu “the trodden path is the safest”. Jalan yang sudah sering dilalui menunjukkan bahwa jalan itulah yang teraman. Sehingga dengan gampangnya adik-adik berjalan di setapak yang ilalangnya sudah ditebangi oleh kakaknya, makan segala yang sudah dipastikan tidak beracun oleh kakaknya, dan mencoba hal-hal yang menyerempet bahaya tapi tidak membunuh, seperti apa yang sudah dilakukan oleh kakaknya. Dan di saat-saat kepepet dan tertangkap basah oleh orang dewasa kita sedang melakukan sesuatu yang tidak seharusnya dilakukan, dengan cerdiknya kita bisa mengeluarkan senjata terampuh: “Tapi… tapi… tadi si kakak duluan yang kaya gitu…” (tampang memelas, mata berkedip-kedip are highly recommended).

Dan pada suatu saat yang berbahagia, akan sadarlah si adik kecil ini bahwa walaupun selama ini dia sudah berhasil melalui semuanya dengan aman, dia harus mengganti strategi hidupnya. Ini disebabkan karena pada akhirnya, dia menyadari bahwa tinggal di bawah bayangan itu sangat SANGAT berbahaya. Di Discovery Channel, ada program yang judulnya Dual Survival. Berulangkali mereka tegaskan, salah satu hal yang paling penting untuk dimiliki ketika menunggu untuk ditemukan tim SAR adalah api. Dengan api kita bisa masak daging dan membunuh kuman-kuman di air kotor, dengan api tubuh kita dihangatkan dari dinginnya malam dan dengan api kita bisa memberi sinyal penyelamatan. Perlu diketahui, di bawah bayang-bayang, kita tidak bisa memusatkan sinar matahari untuk membuat api!! Mungkin pertamanya susah untuk menyadari hal ini. Tapi lalu tanda-tanda pertama biasanya datang ketika kita merasakan bahwa meniru jalan si kakak ternyata tidak membawa kebahagiaan. Misalnya dulu saya dan kakak sama-sama dilesin piano. Dia, waktu senggangnya dipakai buat main-mainin piano sambil menikmati dan goyang-goyang badan. Kalau saya, bisa macet di satu lagu berminggu-minggu, dan boro-boro goyang badan, senyum aja males. Lalu tanda-tanda yang kedua biasanya datang ketika SMP, terutama kalau satu sekolah dengan si kakak. Kadang ada guru-guru yang bisa saja berkomentar iseng, “Wah, kok kakaknya gitu, adeknya begini…”. Atau tiba-tiba anak angkatan si kakaknya datang mendekati, “Oooh, jadi ini nih adeknya si A…Yuk, kita mapras!” Mampus!!! Dan akhirnya kenyataan itu datang juga, bahwa mengikuti hanya membawa kita ke keberhasilan yang terbatas (seperti China yang banyak menjiplak barang-barang atau Google+). Untuk sukses, kita harus berbeda, harus unik, dan sialnya harus menebang ilalang sendiri.

Dari masa SMA ke kuliah dan lebih dari itu, sepertinya masa-masa berantem hebat sudah selesai. Mudah-mudahan yang tertinggal hanya kenangan-kenangan baik yang bagus atau yang buruk, yang semuanya bisa ditertawakan. Dan yang terfilter dari semua itu adalah percakapan dan komentar-komentar jujur yang kalau diucapkan orang lain, mungkin membuat orang itu langsung masuk dalam daftar blacklist kita. Tapi berhubung yang mengatakan adalah saudara, kita bisa yakin bahwa se jleb jleb jleb apa pun yang dia katakan, ada cinta dibalik itu, dan ada gunanya buat kita. Sama seperti kejadian dulu-dulu, ketika bergulat dengannya membuat kita lebih kuat dan dikibuli olehnya membuat kita lebih berhati-hati. Tidak ada hari khusus untuk seorang kakak, tidak ada lagu, kartu, dan tepuk tangan. Di dunia ini, menurut saya mereka lah the most unsung and unexpected heroes. Pahlawan tanpa tanda-tanda. Yang membawa tameng, untuk melindungi sekaligus menjitak adiknya. Yang tanpa disadari, mengajarkan cara-cara bertahan hidup: beradaptasi, bersaing, bertaktik, dan mengetahui kapan harus mengikuti dan kapan harus berdiri sendiri. Makhluk yang aneh.

2011-07-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

If I kissed you
Would fireworks fly
Woud angels sing with lollipops
Would dinosaurs cry
Would babies all gurgle in laughter and surprise
If I kissed you

If I kissed you
What would Michaelangelo say
Would he still have sculpted David
Would we be immortalized in clay
Would the poets write of love like ours
Would John Donne have his say
If I kissed you

You could be one in a million
You could be the one for me
But l guess I'll never know if I never try
I guess I'll just have to grab you in my arms and kiss you

If I kissed you
Would you lose track of time
Would you feel a surge of happiness
Running up your spine
Would you run naked in the street
with a tattoo of my name on your behind
If I kissed you
Oh, if I kissed you
Yeah, if I kissed you

Singing this..

2011-07-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

... all day long.

I see the moon,

the moon sees me.

The moon sees somebody

that I don't see

God bless the moon

And God bless me

And God bless that somebody

that I don't see

If I get to heaven

before you do

I'll make a hole

and pull you through

And I'll write your name

on every star

That way the world

won't seem so far

- Sarah Kay

Lovely Nina

2011-07-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

I have been following Nina's video ever since I knew about her. She is one smart kid :) She just lost her first tooth, which is an exciting thing. I love how she grows up beautifully. Watch what she thinks about the tooth fairy.

Klik

2011-07-06T19:18:00.000-07:00

Aku tidak secantik dirimu, apalagi selangsing dan tinggi semampai sepertimu. Aku juga tidak seramah atau sesosial kamu. Temanku tidak sebanyak itu, dan aku pun tidak gaul. Dikeramaian, aku lah yang ditemukan disudut, terdiam, ingin pulang. Tapi kulihat kau menjelma menjadi kupu-kupu yang terbang dan hinggap di setiap acara. Dengan rok terusanmu yang modis, dengan luwes kamu berjalan ke sana ke mari, selalu dikelilingi teman-temanmu. Tertawamu sangat lepas, seakan semua tanggung jawab sudah selesai, karena mereka bukan masalah bagimu, karena dengan kemampuanmu, apa lah yang tidak terselesaikan. Teman-temanmu setia menemani keceriaanmu, siap berbagi moment-moment terindahmu, sedangkan aku, berkutat dengan hitunganku di malam minggu.

Sayangnya, aku juga tidak sepintar kamu. Untuk lulus dari sekolah ini aku masih setengah mati. Aku takut. Tapi kulihat bagimu lulus tidak masalah. Dengan toga, bunga, dan segenap keluarga, kau berfoto bahagia di depan gedung almamatermu. Tak tau kah kamu betapa inginnya aku mencapai titik itu. Bagimu, belajar ditemani Xbox adalah hal yang biasa. Aku tak habis pikir bagaimana caranya sambil bergulat di dunia fana, engkau melirik-lirik ke buku pelajaran, dan semuanya sudah cukup. Bukan hanya cukup, tapi jauh lebih dari itu. Sedangkan aku, bukan kah sudah aku katakan? Aku berkutat dengan hitunganku di malam minggu.

Bagaimana caranya kamu mendapat pekerjaan langsung sebelum lulus, aku tidak tau. Yang ku tau sekarang masa resesi, dan cari kerja itu susah. Kalau dipanggil interview saja sudah senang bukan main. Beruntunglah kamu, semulus itu jalanmu.

Kulihat pula kamu dengan pacarmu. Sungguh manis. Kamu cantik, dan dia ganteng. Setahuku, dia beberapa tahun di atasmu dan sudah bekerja dengan mapan. Ketika dia mengusap punggungmu dan sesekali kulihat dia mencuri kesempatan untuk mencium wangi rambutmu, aku tau betapa jatuh hatinya dia. Sering kali kamu hanya memandangnya, tapi tanpa bersentuhan pun, kalian seperti satu. Dan aku rasa, saat kamu sudah memasuki tahun kedua di perusahaanmu, dia akan membawamu kembali ke tempat pertama kalian bertemu untuk berlutut dan memberimu cincin.

Ketika kupikir lebih lanjut, kamu pun lebih jago dariku dalam olahraga, juga musik. Kalau ada malam seni, kamu yang bernyanyi. Kalau ada pekan olahraga, kamu yang bermain basket. Kalau ada beasiswa, kamu yang mendapatkan. Dan aku hanya tertegun melihatmu jalan-jalan melanglang buana dengan didanai beasiswamu itu. Ke Eropa, berfoto pura-pura menopang menara Pisa.

Kamu, kamu, kamu, dan kamu, dan 1097 kamu lainnya. Kalian menjadi sempurna. Tidak mungkin ada bagian dari diriku yang lebih dari kalian. Tak perlu lah aku saingi bayangan kesempurnaan kalian. Tak perlu juga lah aku saingi bayangan ketidaksempurnaan kalian. Aku bohong, aku tidak sedang bekerja. Klik. Kumatikan halaman itu. Nah, sekarang baru aku berkutat dengan hitunganku di malam minggu. Agar aku bisa keluar makan malam dengan sahabatku nanti, menelfon pacarku, dan lulus untuk segera mencari fulus.

Saya Dulu Kayak Kamu

2011-07-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

Setelah diperhatikan, saya mengungkap sebuah pola selera saya pada film-film. Ternyata saya suka film yang ada anak-anaknya, tapi tidak terlalu kekanak-kanakan. Dulu filem-filem favorit saya adalah "Cheaper By the Dozen" dan juga "The Little Rascals", tipe-tipe family movie gitu deh. Meskipun sekarang pun masih suka dengan yang begituan, saya lebih jatuh cinta sama film yang tingkat kelucuannya lebih natural. Contohnya adalah "Flipped" yang menceritakan cinta pertamanya sepasang anak SD dan dilapisi dengan bumbu-bumbu konflik keluarga, persahabatan, sekaligus benar-benar menunjukan karakter cewek dan cowok di umur semuda itu. Misalnya, si ceweknya terlihat lebih dewasa dan lebih mengerti banyak tentang apa yang dia mau dan nilai-nilai yang dia pertahankan. Sementara, cowonya terlihat jauh lebih culun dan anak mami. Filem "Super 8" yang baru aja saya tonton 2 hari yang lalu juga langsung masuk deretan filem favorit saya. Interaksi antara ke 5 anak-anak cowo yang sibuk membuat filem zombie terasa sangat natural dengan segala keisengan dan becandaan mereka. Tentunya ditambah dengan kehadiran Elle Fanning, semuanya terlihat sempurna.

Kemudian kemaren malam, saya nonton sebuah filem Indo yang sebenarnya sudah lama, judulnya "Rindu Kami PadaMu". Waktu cari-cari infonya di internet, saya salah ketik judulnya menjadi "Rindu Aku PadaMu," yang keluar jadi lagunya Elvi Sukaesih =_=" Filem ini sebenernya dikeluarkan untuk menyambut Ramadhan, tapi saya kira Ramadhan hanya alasan untuk mengaitkan unsur-unsur filem lainnya yang jauh lebih kental daripada religi. Inti ceritanya tentang 3 orang anak SD yang sama-sama tinggal di sebuah sudut pasar Jakarta yang bergumul dengan problemanya sendiri-sendiri. Yang satu ditinggal pergi ibunya yang dulunya sering mendapat KDRT oleh bapaknya, yang satu ibunya sudah meninggal dan sangat merindukan kehadiran sosok wanita dewasa yang mengayomi, yang satu lagi seorang bisu yang diangkat anak 6 bulan yang lalu oleh penjaga warung di pasar itu ketika rumahnya digusur. Lalu lebih dari itu ditonjolkan pula interaksi antar agama dan suku, ada yang Cina, Padang, Sunda, Betawi, yang bisa harmonis karena senasib sepenanggungan. Memang sebuah perjuangan yang sama biasanya melunturkan semua perbedaan.

Lucu aja melihat bagaimana masing-masing anak ini mencari tempatnya yang sesuai dan mencari perhatian dari orang-orang sekitarnya. Sebenarnya sedikit miris sekaligus karena dari keluguan dan perjuangan mereka untuk perhatian, saya menyadari bahwa inilah gambaran banyak dari anak-anak Indonesia. Di antara kemiskinan mereka berusaha untuk bersenang-senang seadanya, tapi sering kali terganggu karena mesti ikut memikirkan keuangan. Belum lagi ketika dihadapi dengan permasalahan pribadi, tidak ada tempat aman untuk dicurhati, karena semua orang sibuk bekerja dan punya masalah sendiri-sendiri. Padahal ketika kita kecil itu lah saatnya pendapat dan pemikiran kita harus didengarkan, sehingga jadi percaya diri dan semangat untuk berfikir serta mencari jawaban.

Saya memang ga punya anak (obviously), tapi saya bisa berusaha untuk ingat-ingat gimana rasanya jadi anak-anak dulu. Semakin ke sini saya dan banyak teman-teman sebisa mungkin berpenampilan dan berfikiran dewasa, melawan segala kekanak-kanakan yang masih tersisa. Tapi kadang kita lupa kalau kita bisa begini karena apa yang kita explore waktu umur 7, barang yang kita korek-korek, buku yang kita baca, dan orang-orang dewasa yang kita temui. Seharusnya sampai kapan pun kita tetap explore, korek-korek, baca, dan bertemu dengan orang-orang, sehingga 20 tahun di masa depan perkembangan kita sepesat 20 tahun terakhir ini.

Dan begitu pula lah kita seharusnya terhadap anak-anak yang kita temui. Semestinya saya bisa memandang mereka dan berkata, "Saya dulu kayak kamu, sekarang saya jadi begini. Kalo kamu pengen jadi kaya apa?"

Fourth of July

2011-07-03T17:26:00.001-07:00

Happy 4th of July!!! This weekend has been good so far, and we still have an extra day tomorrow :) On Saturday, I went to Watkins Glen for the first time after hearing a great review about it, and I'm really happy that I went!!! It's one of the nicest hike that I've done, the weather was great, and the company was even better! We went to the Farmer's Market for lunch first. It was crowded as expected, but a crowd is always part of the attraction anyways, right?

Flowers, food, lake, what's not to like? When I am older and have a more sophisticated lifestyle, I would probably buy fresh flowers every week. Unfortunately, my current weekly budget does not allow for that right now. Hanfung and I decided to be healthy for the day and get something from the vegan food stall called Macro Mamas. We got the sampler platter which is basically portions of everything that they had on the table and a small peanut lime noodle. They were delish!!!! Davina got Cuban food and Matt got the Cambodian food, both were also good, which was evident from the long lines at both stalls.

Macro Mamas in action

After we were filled up, it was time to go to Watkins Glen! It was such a scenic place, with the running river and the rock formations that show layers of slabs and smooth shapes carved by the persistent flow of water. We basically walked alongside the river and on both sides of it are walls of rock protecting us from the sun while allowing some lights to fall to just the right places creating a dramatic effect. Yes, nature knows how to be drama queen. And while pictures can show you what it's like, you just have to be there to really be in awe. I think my phrase of the day was: "Waah, keren yaa.."

I felt like I was in the land of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

The rock wall alongside the hiking trek.

There are a total of 19 waterfalls scattered in the Watkins Glen Park.

A stone bridge to cross the river.

Lost in nature.

Walkway behind the waterfalls.

The meandering river.

The healthy ones who ran through some parts of the trails.

After the hike, we stopped by downtown Watkins Glen for some ice cream. Feeling entitled to treat our appetite after a good hike, we probably stuffed in more calories than what we burnt. We also got some free cinnamon sugar donuts from the shop, which are most probably some afternoon leftovers that they would throw away if nobody bought them. Free food always tastes better :)

As for the cherry on top, we all went to watch Super 8 after getting back to Ithaca and clean ourselves up. I loved it! It's sci-fi/adventure film with lots of touch of humor and family drama. I particularly loved Elle Fanning. She's so pretty and talented!

It is days like these that make everything else I usually complain about seem really fair. Thank God for a good day, great companions, amazing work of nature, delicious food, and Steven Spielberg. Thank God for ups and downs!

Buku-buku Itu

2011-06-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

Setelah baca Kedai 1001 Mimpi, saya jadi pengen baca2 buku lainnya... Memang sering kali begitu deh, setalah lama ga baca2, cukup 1 buku untuk bikin minat baca saya berkobar-kobar lagi. Dan tentunya hanya bisa ngiler dari jauh melihat lembaran-lembaran tersebut berada di tempat yang tidak tergapai. Untuk melepas rindu, saya lagi baca "My Hands Came Away Red", novel yang menceritakan seorang remaja Australia yang pergi ke Indonesia untuk mission trip, dan tidak disangka menjadi saksi kerusuhan antar ras, sehingga dia terpaksa kembali ke keluarganya dan pacarnya dengan trauma.

Beberapa buku yang saya lagi ngilerin:

1. The Naked Traveler (1, 2, dan 3) - Trinity

2. A9ama Saya Adalah Jurnalisme - Andreas Harsono

3. Orang Miskin Dilarang Sekolah/ Orang Miskin Dilarang Sakit - Eko Prasetyo

4. The Journeys - Kumpulan beberapa pengarang

5. Bintang Bunting - Valiant Budi

6. Madre - Dewi Lestari

7. BreX - Bondan Winarno

Saya cuma bisa berkhayal duduk membaca mojok di sebelah jendela, dengan angin sepoi-sepoi yang bertiup memainkan poni, dengan persediaan chitato yang siap dirogoh dengan tangan kiri, dan teh sariwangi hangat untuk memastikan saya tidak perlu repot lagi berdiri mencari minum kalau tiba-tiba haus. Ah, indahnya dunia...

In the Spirit of...

2011-06-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

...trying to fund myself through the upcoming months, I am opening up the service mentioned below. If you know somebody who is interested, please refer him or her to me :) Your help is greatly appreciated!

Click on the picture for better resolution.

Kedai 1001 Mimpi

2011-06-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

Last minute saya minta dibawain buku Kedai 1001 Mimpi ini dari Indonesia. Saat ditanya mau nitip apa dari Indo, tadinya yang kepikiran cuma seputar makanan (chitato sapi panggang.. slurrrp..). Tapi terus kepikiran, hmm, lagi ada buku bagus apa ya? Udah lama juga ga ter-update. A quick google search brought me to Kedai 1001 Mimpi by Valiant Budi. Kesan pertama dari sampulnya lumayan attractive dan kelihatan kalau kira-kira genrenya komedi. Lalu saya lihat, intinya adalah cerita seorang pekerja di Arab Saudi. Okeh, yang saya tau tentang Arab adalah panas, padang pasir, onta, wanita-wanita berbaju hitam rapat tertutup (tidak diajarkankah mereka di pelajaran IPA bahwa hitam adalah penyerap panas yang baik?), dan pria-prianya yang berbulu lebat. Menyadari sempitnya pengetahuan saya mengenai Arab Saudi, akhirnya saya memutuskan, boleh lah coba baca buku ini.

Kesan kedua setelah membaca sedikit adalah saya suka selera humornya; tidak jayus, jujur, dan bisa menertawakan diri sendiri. Dan saya pun ikut senyum-senyum, bahkan sesekali tergelak tertawa. Setelah dibaca lebih lanjut, mendengar betapa inginnya si penulis pulang ke tanah air, saya juga pengen pulaaang!!! Memang kadang-kadang keinginan kembali ke rumah itu tidak tergantung dengan enak atau tidak enaknya berada di luar negeri atau susah atau tidaknya pengalaman yang dihadapi, tapi gara-gara hal-hal sepele yang menjadi penting seketika. Seperti saya pengen bisa ngomong tanpa selalu mikir terlebih dahulu dan mencari kata-kata, atau pengen gampang membeli kecap manis di mana saja. Yak, balik ke bukunya, sebenarnya saya tidak tau harus menelan bulat-bulat cerita pengalamannya atau tidak. Mungkin buat saya kurang seimbang sehingga menonjolkan sisi jeleknya dari Arab Saudi, seolah-olah tidak ada orang yang tidak bejat di sana. Bukan berarti saya bilang dia mengarang-ngarang saja, karena tentunya kisah-kisah TKI yang bernasib buruk tidak kunjung habisnya. Tapi, saya juga pengen tau the other side of the story seperti apa sebenernya.

Untuk refreshing dan haha hihi, bukunya bagus kok, I am recommending. Untuk taken points lainnya mungkin mengenai kerja keras, kekuatan moral, dan insiders' secrets of Saudi Arabia, juga sip. But, a little heads up, it should be R-rated, so, not recommended for teenagers, hehe. Lumayan hepi juga bisa baca buku yang genre nya sedikit berbeda, lumayan berbobot, tapi ringan dan menghibur. Baca, gih, kalo lagi iseng-iseng berhadiah :)

Ithaca Travel Guide

2011-06-11T09:50:00.000-07:00

This city is not in a lot on people's wish list of the places they would like to visit before 50 or a definite family vacation spot, but for many who have in some way crossed Ithaca's soil, it is a city to be remembered. When my family came to visit, I had a chance to take them around and got reminded on how beautiful this place is. Two seniors from Cornell made a goodbye video as they graduated this year, in which they said, "This is a place where the sun shines far too little and where it snows far to much. But there is beauty in it, and when it shines, there's life."

This Is from Alex Silver on Vimeo.

So, if you ever got the chance to visit Ithaca for say a three day trip, here's my suggestion of places to visit, things to do, and food to eat.

1. Cornell

A little bias here, but Cornell is probably one of the most beautiful campuses that I have seen. You could take a campus walking tour which leaves from Day Hall (here's the campus map) and get more explanation of the campus life and stories behind the buildings. Or you could always roam around at your own pace and take pictures without being hurried. The best way to do that is start at the area called Ho Plaza, which is a walk way stretching from near the engineering quad to the arts quad.

Things to do:

- Enter the Cornell Store to buy Cornell merchandise or books.

- The a picture of Cornell's McGraw tower or climb up the stairs to watch the chime masters play the bell and for a bird's eye view of the campus and city.

- Go to Uris Library near the Cornell Tower and visit the Andrew Dickson White's library inside Uris to see the Harry Potter like interior of the library.

- Walk to the overlook near the tower for a view of Libe Slope and a peak of Cayuga Lake.

- Walk to the Arts Quad to see Ezra Cornell and Andrew White's statues.

Places to dine:

- If you want to eat something fancy, go to Taverna Banfi, which is the Statler Hotel's restaurant, other then their entrees, they also have lunch buffet.

- Also in Statler, but the lecture classes side, not the hotel side, there is Statler's Terrace which is a cafeteria. Do get the salad, even if the line is ridiculous, it's worth it.

- Collegetown Bagel is a favorite place to go, which is located in collegetown, a short walk away from campus (well that actually depends on where you are on campus).

- When you get on collegetown, there is a wide array of restaurants you can go to, but my favorites are Rulloff's for their black and blue cheese burger, Alladin's Natural Eatery for their souvlaki, falafel pita, or cake desserts, Cafe Pacific for their sukiyaki, as well as desserts, and Miyake for their "Super Bowl".

- Old Tea House offers grrrreeat bubble tea, and has become my craving sometimes. Cafe Pacific also has bubble tea but theirs is not as good.

2. Downtown Ithaca

Ithaca downtown, also known as the Commons is a small vibrant place with unique shops and lots of vintage places. Of course there is a lack of chain shops and branded clothes, but that's the beauty of it. Strolling around at the downtown is truly pleasurable especially if you could get your hands on some second-hand clothing items at Trader K's, or second hand book at the Autumn Leaves.

If you are lucky there could be some performances and events going on. The big events at downtown include Ithaca Chili Cook-off in February where many restaurant vendors open booths for their chili tasting to win the title of best chili of the year, Ithaca Brew Fest at the start of September, and Ithaca Apple Harvest Festival usually at the end of September which is an event full of just everything that contains apple.

Finding good food is easy. My favorite places include the Mexican restaurant Viva Taqueria and Taste of Thai. And don't ever forget about Moosewood. For all the foodie out there, you probably have their cookbooks. For those who don't know, it's a famous vegetarian restaurant with varying menu everyday to adjust to the available local produce. Go there for lunch, because dinner can get a little expensive.

3. Visit Mother Nature

What is Ithaca without the gorges? The city is just surrounded by waterfalls. The tallest one is Taughannock Falls which is about a mile of hiking into the woods and on the side of Cayuga Lake. Buttermilk Falls is right on the side of Route 13. A few smaller ones are Ithaca Falls and Fall Creek Gorge. Hiking places are numerous, one of them is Robert Treman Park which also has a fall called the Lucifer falls. Most of these falls have a picnic area nearby where you can lounge around or do some barbecuing, so bring some food and drinks to eat and enjoy the scenery after you hike. You can buy some to-go food in Wegman's which costs around $7/lb if you don't feel like cooking. Wegman's is awesome, by the way, you can find everything, well, almost everything in there.

Cornell's Ornithology Lab offers free guided morning bird watching tours where you can learn to listen to different bird calls, see them flying by, and see their nests. If you come at the right time, you could see the herons and their young ones perching up at high trees. It's an interesting place to visit (for me who knows so little about birds).

For some food, Ithaca's Farmer's market is also a pleasure to visit. They open on weekends in the summer and is located at the side of Cayuga lake. So after buying some local produce, crafts, wine, or flowers (they have great flowers), go for the food and sit on the dock to enjoy them. Share some of your bread crumbs with the ducks, if you please. I love their crepes, which almost always has a waiting line, and the Cambodian food is also a clear favorite.

The Boat Yard Grill is a restaurant where you could sit outside and also enjoy Cayuga Lake. It's a bit on the pricey side, but the food is great. They do not have a reservation procedure, but you can call up before hand on the same day to tell them what time you're coming and they'll put you on a waiting list. That would reduce your waiting time.

If you happen to visit Ithaca in the winter (why would you do that??) what else can you do but ski? Greek Peak ski resort is about 20 minutes away and sometimes McDonalds has some discount coupons for beginners who would like a 1 hour lesson and access to the bunny hill.

4. Nearby Places

A little bit out of Ithaca, you could enjoy wine tasting around finger lakes area. This is a popular thing to do. For Cayuga Lake, you could go up Route 89 to find a series of wineries. Before you see the wineries, stop by a small but fantastic ice cream place called Cayuga Lake Creamery which has one of the best ice creams I have ever tasted (other than Udders in Singapore).

A must-go place while you are around here is the Corning Glass Museum at Corning which is about a 45 minutes drive away. It is an amazing museum filled with glasses from all over the world and from various time periods. They have such an incredible collection. You could also watch a glass blowing demonstration or if interested you could go for glass making classes. If you are going with somebody from around the area, or from Ithaca, go ahead and mention that to get half off admission price.

And then there's the great Niagara Falls 3 hours away from Ithaca. If you go there for a day trip and just on the US side, I would suggest that you go for the Maid of the Mist and Cave of the Winds only. The Imax movie could be interesting for some people, but definitely skip the aquarium and the science museum since they are small and just not worth the time. You'd be better off enjoying the scenery by walking around the park.

5. Few Other Things

I should mention 2 other restaurants that are my favorite which are Carriage House and Tamarind. Carriage house is great for brunch and they display some vintage items which are interesting. Tamarind is a Thai restaurant which for my personal taste is the best in Ithaca (get their pad sea ew or duck noodle). Ithaca also has a great coffee from Gimme Coffee, for those of you who are addicted to caffeine. Please don't go to Starbucks when you know that you have Gimme Coffee nearby.

For antique lovers, go to Ithaca Antique Center for some good deals and thrifty stuff.

If you are here in Mid March, join the Cornell community for Dragon Day where a dragon is paraded across campus which ends up in a procession to be burnt (if allowed) in the Arts Quad. All in the name of tradition and fun.

And of course, there is also Ithaca College to visit which has a beautiful campus.

Obviously, this list is not exhaustive, there's a lot to see and taste. Here's another city guide that I bumped into: http://www.designsponge.com/2011/03/ithaca-city-guide.html

Hope you can enjoy the city as much as I do!

The Flowers from the US Botanical Garden

2011-06-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.

- Hans Christian Andersen

SOWA Market

2011-06-06T04:39:00.000-07:00

I went to Sowa Open Market in Boston, the mark of the start of Summer. It was my first time going to artsy/vintage shops (Urban Outfitters is not counted) and I am loving it. I don't really get how old stuff can be that expensive though, granted that they are not like ancient and rare objects. But the whole market was a real eye pleaser!

Blast from the Past

2011-05-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

I found this piece of writing in my google doc. Something that I wrote in September of 2008, apparently when I was working in the computer lab and waiting for my shift to end or something. Now that I try to think about what was upsetting at that time, I could not remember. Maybe it was the period where I had to apply for graduate schools or it was my time of the month. Reading it now kind of make me want to slap the whiny, self-centered, and ungrateful little brat that I was at that particular moment (or am now too, sometimes). Funny how you read what you wrote long time ago and just thought to yourself: what was I thinking???

Anyways, here goes:

Why does life throw you with all the dramatic stuff

Like when you always are the faithful listener
for all the love stories that you friends experience
but never got one for yourself

Or when your life plans seem so blurry
With no light at the end of the tunnel
And you are walking in blindness
Trying to comfort yourself with empty words
And merely stepping ahead into unpredictibility

Or when all you do don't seem to be appreciated
but you do them anyway
because you don't know what else to do
Or when you are far away from what you really love
And you wonder when are you going to reach there
If you ever going to

Or when I look around
And somehow feel that everybody else's lives are better
than mine, being stuck in a small computer room
trying to kill time.
I wonder...

Are you here God, when I don't know what I am doing
When I hated what I do or how I feel
Will you help me catch what life is throwing
And keep me here when I started to feel unreal?

Will you be dramatic with me?

**Note to self: Slap slap! LOL..

Date the Girl who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

2011-05-23T08:28:00.000-07:00

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

What the Hell-ing

2011-05-17T14:25:00.000-07:00

Somehow these words below speak to me today. I'm not sure if it's end of semester work, or the coffee I drank, or just my mind playing games with me, but I feel very uneasy. I have to let go of some control issues and the fear of failing. Go away negativity!!

A Girl's Deep Secret

2011-04-30T20:51:00.000-07:00

Boys say that girls are hard to understand. We send incoherent messages that have to be decoded unsystematically or arguments that seem to counter themselves in the end or emotional bursts that you don't see coming. But guys, you are natural thinkers, right? Think about this, no matter unsensible it all seems, we, girls, understand each other. So, there must be something that holds the key to the puzzle of a woman's mind. It should not be a code impossible to crack.

But, the truth is this: We don't understand ourselves, that's why we understand each other. See, I'm talking like a true woman. What I meant is that there's a part of me that struggles with my own thoughts and feelings. Sure, you can think of it as a minor bipolar syndrome. For example, in the latest Glee episode, there is a mash up song "I feel pretty/Unpretty" which I think represents how a girl feels. Sometimes we are very unsure of how we should perceive ourselves. Most girls experience some degree of body image problem; there is always something that we don't like about our body, too skinny, too chunky, too short (hands up!), crooked nose, fat calves, flat chest, kinky hair, and the list goes on. It's very hard to honestly be cured of those feelings even when we try hard embrace our shapes and sizes, but we want to! That's where the contradiction starts; we'd say a guy should not be fixated with physical looks, but at the same time we spend lots of effort on make ups and picking dresses, we'd say I am secure with how I look, but crumbles at the insensitive comment on our flabby arms.

In our modern society, there are mixed messages on the roles of women. Those who assume the role of housewives are often called traditional because nowadays women work as much as men do. We have aspirations and dreams, passions and needs to be productive citizens of the world. We want the freedom to choose a career path or to pursue a higher education. We want to be bold, explore, be challenged. We want to do the things that guys can do, the things they take for granted, because they have never been questioned or called out as too small. We want to be more than what guys can be because with the same ability and intelligence, we are more compassionate and more understanding. Then, from there, we go from being traditional to being a feminist. While this new found freedom creates a lot of options for women, it confuses us on where to draw the boundary and it gives way to unchecked feelings of pride for being a woman who could do more than we are supposed to.

As the roles of women diversify, we see supports from many female oriented organizations and events. For example, there's a Society of Women Engineers, mother's day, scholarships geared towards women, and books like "Half the Sky." It shows that as hard as we fight to be equal, there is still a need for such support in the society in effort to escalate our position and reinforce our ability. And the fact that we need that shows that in our part we still believe that we are a minority; somebody who is an equal do not need to raise issues or raise awareness. There is a problem though, we would want to be equal, but at the same time, as women, we want to be protected, we want our prince charming, we still expect man to be the primary breadwinner, we play the "victim card" sometimes, or the "sexual card" for that matter. In short, we want a lot of things. And here's our deep secret: we are confused.

Kartini, the much hailed Indonesian pioneer in women rights, was highly commended for her courage to stand up for what she believed and for her drive to pursue an education in whatever form. I hail her for the fact that she understood her place, as somebody who respected her husband, for understanding the value of learning regardless of gender, for loving her parents, for knowing her boundaries and rights. As we try to define a "modern Kartini" I think it's important to remember those values, the fact that a woman is of a man, and there is a time and place for respect.

So, breath easy guys, you don't actually have to be a woman to understand a woman. You just have to be considerate of this confusion and give us time to place ourselves, as we give yours to do the same. But, in the case of an emergency (like a girl breaking down, or freaking out, or super angry at you, or anything that doesn't make any sense), a little tip for you, just be quiet and sit next to her. We would appreciate that, thanks in advance.

On Writing by Kate DiCamillo

2011-04-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

When I was a junior in college, I took an expository writing course taught by a graduate student named Trey Greer. On the first day of class, he assigned a five hundred-word essay: describe something, anything. At the time, I was convinced that I was a real writer, an undiscovered Eudora Welty or William Faulkner. Understand, I had absolutely no interest in writing. I wanted to be a Writer; and so I put off the work of the essay until the last possible moment. The night before it was due, I went grocery shopping. And sitting outside the Winn-Dixie , perched on top of a hundred-pound bag of Purina dog chow, was a woman with a tambourine.
"Girl," she said, when I walked past her, "give me some of that change."
I stopped and stared at her.
"That's all right," she said, "go on and look at Bernice. She don't care." She beat the tambourine softly against her thigh and started to sing a song about the moon rising up in the night sky like a gold coin and how it was hanging up there all shiny and new and nobody was able to get hold of it and spend it. She called it a "smug old moon."
When she was done singing, she held the tambourine out to me and I dropped some money in it and turned around and went back home and wrote an essay describing her. I wrote down the words of the song that she sang. I described her broken fingernails (painted purple) and her blue eye shadow and how she sat atop the bag of dog chow as if it were a throne. I wrote how, after I dropped my money in the tambourine she said, "God bless you, baby."

A week after I turned in the essay, Trey Greer read it aloud to the class.
"There is something extraordinary about this essay," he said, "and I want you tell me what it is."
Extraordinary! Me! It was just as I had long suspected: I was a genius. I was born to be a Writer. I would be famous!
When Trey finished reading he said, "What is it that makes this essay worth our time?
Nobody said anything.
"It's not the writing," he said. "There's nothing extraordinary about that."
Not the writing? I sank a little lower in my desk. What else could possibly make an essay extraordinary?
"I'll tell you," he said to the silent, bored class. "The person who wrote this actually took the time to see the person she was describing. That's what writing is all about. Seeing. It is the sacred duty of the writer to pay attention, to see the world."
So what? I didn't want to see the world. I wanted the world to see me. Trey Greer, I decided, had no idea what he was talking about.

Not until years later when I finally made a commitment to writing, when I was fighting despair, wondering if I had the talent to do what I wanted to do, did those words come back to me. And what I thought was this: I cannot control whether or not I am talented, but I can pay attention. I can make an effort to see.
Because of Winn-Dixie is the result of that effort. It is a book populated with stray dogs and strange musicians, lonely children and lonelier adults. They are all the kind of people that, too often, get lost in the mainstream rush of life. Spending time with them was a revelation for me. What I discovered is that each time you look at the world and the people in it closely, imaginatively, the effort changes you. The world, under the microscope of your attention, opens up like a beautiful, strange flower and gives itself back to you in ways you could never imagine. What stories are hiding behind the faces of the people who you walk past everyday? What love? What hopes? What despair?
Trey Greer did know what he was talking about. Writing is seeing. It is paying attention.
I think of it this way: my characters sing songs and I stop to listen to them and when the song is done I give them my money and they say, "God bless you, baby."
And I feel that I have been blessed. Over and over again.

Pretty/Unpretty

2011-04-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

Selamat Paskah

2011-04-24T18:18:00.000-07:00

Yang saya pelajari tahun ini:

Bahwa ke gereja seharusnya bukan untuk saya. Bukan karena saya ingin mendapatkan sesuatu dari homili pastornya, atau ingin mendapatkan kekuatan, ataupun ketenangan. Tapi seharusnya hanya karena untuk memuji Tuhan. Ketika saya berasa sendirian dan awkward di dalam gereja karena ga ada temen yang pergi bareng atau mulai merasa kalau ke gereja pun saya ga bertumbuh segitunya (alesan menutupi kemalasan), saya harus inget, it's never about me. Tapi tentang Tuhan dan cintanya lebih luas dari samudera dan lebih indah dari aurora.

Kita Dan Dunia

2011-04-19T14:06:00.001-07:00

Omongan Ngelantur Mahasiswa Semester Akhir

2011-04-17T12:16:00.000-07:00

Belakangan ini saya merasa lagi di persimpangan jalan. Dari dulu ada satu pertanyaan yang sebenernya saya masih belon bisa jawab, yaitu tentang gimana kita mengambil sebuah keputusan. Kadang-kadang ada suatu keputusan yang hitam putih, kita udah tau kalo hitam itu jelas salah, tapi tetep aja berasa ada bujukan setan untuk berjalan ke arah sana. Tapi sebagian besar pilihan itu tidak jelas mana yang salah atau engga. Kalau semuanya sama-sama OK, gimana? Kalau semuanya ada pro dan kontra, pakai metode apa kita memberi penilaian akan mana yang bagus dan engga. Orang sering bilang, kehendak Tuhan lah yang terjadi, tapi yang saya tau, kehendak Tuhan tidak seterang itu. Atau ada yang bilang, apa kamu merasakan damai ketika mengambil keputusan? Apa keputusan saya bisa didasarkan perasaan manusia yang sering mempermainkan pikiran?

Setelah diperhatikan, sebenernya wajar untuk anak-anak yang berumur mid-twenties untuk menghadapi ketidakpastian. Temen-temen saya yang baru-baru mulai kerja, misalnya, juga banyak bertanya tentang apa ini pekerjaan yang benar untuk mereka. Sebagai pegawai baru, tentunya sering merasa tidak tau apa-apa, tertekan dengan kemampuan seniornya, dan harus menyesuaikan diri dengan profesionalitas pekerja yang sangat jauh dari kebebasan seorang pelajar. Akibatnya, ada yang merasa tidak tahan, minder, merasa ingin ganti jenis pekerjaan, tapi kurang mengerti juga mesti ke arah mana. Ada juga yang sudah lulus dan berkualitas tinggi, tapi sangat susah mendapatkan pekerjaan karena kalau tidak qualified, dia sering over-qualified. Tentunya mencari pekerjaan adalah masa-masa yang sulit karena titik terang di ujung sana tidak terlihat. Maaf, kalau jadi bikin depresi, tapi emang belakangan lagi dikelilingi aja dengan peristiwa-peristiwa seperti ini. Dan saya sendiri juga banyak bertanya, akan di mana saya dalam setahun atau dua tahun lagi, akan mengerjakan apa saya.

Krisis quarter life, ternyata memang ada. Seorang teman pernah bilang sama saya. Kalau kita dari remaja kuat imannya dan bisa mengetahui jati diri kita, quarter life atau mid life crisis itu ga akan terjadi. Waktu itu saya percaya sama dia, tapi ternyata saya lihat dia sendiri pun akhirnya terkena imbas dari fenomena ini. Waktu kita lulus, di acara graduation, kita diiming-imingi oleh mimpi: "Pergilah ke dunia, sebagai almamater, dan jadilah perubahan," seolah-olah kita adalah segerombolan Superman yang diberi misi dan sudah dibekali dengan segala macam amunisi untuk menyelamatkan masa depan dari kehancuran. Dan ternyata setelah pergi ke dunia, dunia menolak kita. Dan dari murid-murid yang berprestasi, tiba-tiba kita menjadi pekerja tingkat paling bawah yang mesti kembali rela merangkak. Dan kain sayap Superman mu itu, diinjak-injak orang menjadi alas kaki.

Susah untuk optimis kalau kita tidak bisa melihat akan jadi apa semua kepusingan ini di depannya nanti. Dan saya masih belum bisa menjawab bagaimana sebenarnya membuat keputusan yang benar, yang sesuai dengan kehendak-Nya. Saya cuma bisa mencoba, memakai logika dan hati, membawa segala pengalaman yang sudah terjadi yang mempersiapkan saya untuk saat ini, berdiskusi dengan orang-orang yang peduli, dan berharap bahwa sedikit dari kebijakan saya ini adalah kebijakan yang membawa saya ke arah yang benar. Saya sering keras kepala, dan saya sering salah. Minggu lalu saya punya 3 buah kuntum bunga lili yang hijau, dan saya bilang, kuntum ini tidak akan mekar, karena mereka sudah dipetik. Saya yakin. Tapi hari ini, saya melihat di depan saya 2 bunga lili berwarna oranye merekah besar dan 1 kuntum yang sudah berubah warna juga menjadi oranye. Sepertinya kuntum yang terakhir akan mekar besok. Saya tidak pernah percaya kuntum muda yang dicabut masih bisa menjadi bunga. Saya pikir mereka sudah benda mati.

Saya sering salah. Tapi jam rusak yang sering kalinya salah menunjukkan waktu pun paling tidak akan menunjukkan waktu yang tepat 2 kali dalam sehari. Saya cuma bisa berharap saya pun bisa benar, di waktu-waktu dan kesempatan-kesempatan yang penting. Dan kalau saya salah, tolong kasih tau saya yang pelupa ini bahwa saya terlalu kecil untuk membuat dunia kiamat dan saya punya Tuhan yang selalu benar.

Oh, So True :)

2011-04-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hands

2011-04-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

I'm still so in love with the poems by Sarah Kay. This is the first time that I listen to someone talking over and and over again as if listening to a song. This is one of her genius work entitled Hands.

People used to tell me that I had beautiful hands.
Told me so often in fact, that one day I started to believe them,
until I asked my photographer father,
'Hey daddy could I be a hand model?',
To which he said 'no way'.
I don't remember the reason he gave me,
and I would've been upset
but there were far too many stuffed animals to hold,
too many homework assignments to write,
too many boys to wave at,
too many years to grow.

We used to have a game, my dad and I, about holding hands.
Cause we held hands everywhere.
And every time either he or I would whisper a great big number to the other, pretending that we were keeping track of how many times we had held hands.
That we were sure this one had to be 8 million 2 thousand 7 hundred and fifty three.

Hands learn more then minds do.
Hands learn to hold other hands.
How to grip pencils and mould poetry.
How to tickle piano keys, dribble basketballs and grip the handles of a bicycle.
How to hold old people and touch babies.

I love hands like I love people.
They are the maps and compasses with which we navigate our way through life.
Some people read palms to tell you your future,
but I read hands to tell your past.
Each scar marks a story worth telling.
Each callused palm each cracked knuckle a missed punch or years working in a factory.

Now I've seen middle eastern hands clenched in middle eastern fists,
pounding against each other
each country sees their fists like warriors and others enemies.
Even if fists alone are only hands.
But this is not about politics, no hands are not about politics.
This is a poem about love, and fingers.
Fingers interlock like a beautiful zipper of prayer.

One time I grabbed my dad's hand so that our fingers interlocked perfectly.
But he changed position saying "No, that hand hold is for your Mom!".
Kids high-five, but grown ups shake hands.
You need a firm handshake,
But don't hold on too tight,
But don't let go too soon,
But don't hold on for too long.
Hands are not about politics.
When did it become so complicated? I always thought it was so simple.

The other day, my Dad looked at my hands as if seeing them for the first time
And with laughter behind his eyelids,
and with all the seriousness a man of his humour could muster he said,
"You know, you've got nice hands, you could've been a hand model!".

And before the laughter could escape me,
I shake my head at him, and squeeze his hand.
8 million 2 thousand 7 hundred and fifty four.

Just To Be With You

2011-04-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

Congratulations Q!

2011-04-05T05:41:00.000-07:00

I just called a friend. I hesitate to call her my best friend or my good friend, even though my heart leans towards doing so. Partly because "best" means I can only have one, partly because we have not talked in ages except for a few facebook wall post exchanges, and partly because I would be embarrassed if the feeling is not mutual. She just got married last week and I am just so thrilled when I heard that she was going to have a wedding. Firstly it came as a disbelief because I did not expect it. But after a day or so, the reality of the news started to sink in, and I can't exactly describe the happiness I felt. I questioned myself, why am I this ecstatic? We very rarely exchange news; I don't know what's happening in her life, and she doesn't know what's happening in mine. The last time we met and talked was maybe 4 years ago (according to her) or 6 years ago (according to me). Yet, my excitement stubbornly held its ground.

As I try to rationalize, I think that it's because she's the first person other than a family member, who is "close" to me who got married. But after I got off the phone with her, I knew exactly why I can't shake off my happiness: because she is my soul mate. OK, wait! Don't cast your stones yet! I can explain!!! You know what they say about soul mates, right? That there is one person who you are meant to be with, who has been destined for you, whose fingers interlocked perfectly with yours and whose heart beats in sync only with yours (Excuse me while I throw up a little)? Well, I believe that God scatters many of these "soul mates" for us to discover, in the form of family members, friends, and of course our other halves. And when you meet them, you may not know straight away that you are "soul mates". But through distance, time, experiences, fights, you will finally realize it. This time I realize it through a simple call, a 45 minute call in which miraculously no air got stunk with awkwardness and though we've matured in some way, it brought us back to years before, to the giggles, to the daily updates, the sharings, and approvals of each other's thoughts. We've moved on far beyond comprehension, but when we talked, I felt like we haven't moved at all. It felt like just another weekly call. It felt like home. I felt like I did not have the explain what had happened all this years and neither did she, because we somehow already understood. That's when I realize that she's one of my soul mates. I can't explain it another way.

It was a good talk. She told me how the wedding went, how in the end more than expected came and she did not even get any food because of that. About being the first grandchild to marry so everybody in the family was excited and wanted a celebration. About how she met her husband (and I childishly giggled at hearing the word husband) and the plans for them in the near future. About weddings in Indonesia where they are primarily a celebration of the parents who have successfully raised great children. She told me about the decision to get married and how fast it all went, and I agree that you just can't factor in every single thing in the decision. At one point you just have to trust and take that leap of faith that you've picked the right person for your forever, all the important basis have been covered, and if you've missed any it can and will be worked out.

In the movie "A Little Romance", the 13 years old lead girl wonders, "I used to think, maybe a long time ago, like... like in the time of the pharaohs or Louis the 13th that, there was somebody, made just perfect for me. I mean, when you think about it and consider that your feelings of love, begin when you're about ten and if you live to say 70, well that's pretty limiting because, what chances there that he'll be alive at the same time you are? You know?" The boy echoes her thoughts, "I feel the same things. I mean, even if she lived in my lifetime. What if my perfect woman lived in India or California or Brazil? What chance is there that I'd meet her when I live in La Garenne?" The girl asks, "It's incredible isn't it?" To that, the boy answers,"Absolutely... incredible."

It is incredible, that interlocking and synchronized beating, that intertwined roads that lead you to each other. Like the two kids said, "What are the chances?" Pretty slim, I suppose. So, I'm glad that there's not just that "perfect one" for us and I'm glad that they are always uncovered at the right time. So, once again, congratulations Q for having another soul mate, this time in the form of a husband. I am sure that it is incredible.

Sarah Kay

2011-03-30T17:43:00.000-07:00

If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B
Because that way she knows that no matter what happens,
at least she can always find her way to me

And I'm gonna paint the solar system on the backs of her hands
So she has to learn the entire universe before she could say:
Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.
And she's gonna learn, that this life will hit you, hard, in the face,
wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach
But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs
How much they like the taste of air

There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band aids or poetry,
so the first time she realizes that wonder woman isn't coming,
I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself
'Cause no matter how wide you stretch your fingers,
your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal
Believe me, I've tried

And, baby, I'll tell her, don't keep your nose up in the air like that
I know that trick, I've done it a million times
You're just smelling for smoke
So you can follow the trail back to a burning house
So you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him
Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place,
to see if you can change him
But I know she will anyway, so instead,
I'll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boots nearby,
because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can't fix
Okay, there's a few heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix
But that's what the rain boots are for,
because rain will wash away everything if you let it

I want her to look at the world through the under side of a glass bottom boat
To look through a microscope at the galaxies
That exist on the pinpoint of a human mind
Because, that's the way my mom taught me
That there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this, my momma said
When you open your hands to catch
And wind up with only blisters and bruises
When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly
And the very people you wanna safe are the ones standing on your cape
When your boots will fill with rain and you'll be up to your knees in disappointment And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say "Thank you"
Cause there's nothing more beautiful
Than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline
No matter how many times it's sent away

You will put the wind, in the win some, lose some
You will put the star, and starting over, and over.
And no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute,
be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life

And yes, on the scale from one to over trusting, I am pretty damn naive
But I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar
It can crumble so easily
But don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it

Baby, I'll tell her, remember your Mama is a worrier and you papa is a warrior,
And you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more Remember that good things come in threes, and so do bad things
And always apologize when you've done something wrong
But don't you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining
Your voice is small, but don't ever stop singing

And when they finally hand you heartache
And when they slip war and hatred under your door
And they offer you handouts on street corners, of cynicism and defeat
You tell them that they really ought to meet your mother

By: Sarah Kay

Despite of Me

2011-03-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

I woke up snoozing as I wanted
Skipped a bath, and did faces to look awake
I missed breakfast and snacked the whole way
Me and my frazzled hair, somehow still survive the day

I glanced at the piled up laundry and dishes
That awaits patiently as I made up excuses
A thousand and one and a thousand more
Until I ran out of socks and had to buy some more

I sang loudly out of tune
A song of life not fully understood
I danced awkwardly not counting the beat
I danced on raging winds and unnamed streets

Sometimes I just don't get
How you love me despite of me
In spite of mismatches and rebelling heart
My imperfections, do you not see?

I sit quietly beside a waterfall
The unsettled rapids, impatient streams
The angry, foaming, and fallen drops
Behold, a magnificent beauty
That would finally be still
And reach the open sea

Create Your Space

2011-03-27T19:14:00.000-07:00

Boy: We're starting a football team. We're going to be world champions!

Old man: Hahaha, look around you, look where you live!

Boy: We realize they were right, we had nowhere to play or even practise.
We had ourselves a football team, but we didn't have a pitch. This was a real problem because where we live, space wasn't something we had.

Boy: We figured, we'd have to create our own space.

Make You Feel My Love

2011-03-23T19:12:00.000-07:00

Cranes

2011-03-17T11:51:00.000-07:00

Walked for a little bit around campus today and stopped by to make a crane as a symbol of support for the people in Japan.

After Fat Tuesday

2011-03-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that Lent is already here. It's March 2011!!!! Yesterday night, the evening of Fat Tuesday, I started scrambling my thoughts to find things to give up this Lent. I did not resort to google this time, but I did consult lifeteen.com for suggestion. Yes, I still consider myself teenager at heart. Part of me feel like I am afraid to make promises, saying that I will give up facebook, or I will refrain from meat, etc. I am afraid of not being able to keep them or not being able to achieve the ultimate goal of scooching over to be nearer to God's side by doing all that. I am afraid that I will still feel empty when Easter comes and treat the day as just another Sunday. Maybe, in short, I am afraid of failing.

I remember a year ago, I was talking to a friend who happened to be a Christian, and I told him, you know, I just feel far from God. And he looked at me and asked, are you putting in the time to pray or read about Him or do a quiet time? And in embarrassment I had to admit that I did not really. I come to Him at times of need, like Alladin rubbing his genie lamp. I read relevant books to help me reorganize my spiritual life, but those books are not useful just to be read by itself. They have to be treated like cookbooks, filled with direction, and will only be fruitful when I actually and finally get into the kitchen and... cook. In relation to that, I once read about a person's encounter with Mother Teresa. At the meeting, he explained to Mother Teresa how he was in a complicated situation and he did not know how to get out of it or how to handle it. He was hoping that he would get enlightened by the suggestions from this little saintly woman with wrinkles of wisdom. So at the end of his lengthy story, he asked, "What should I do?" Mother Theresa only said a sentence to him: Pray an hour a day, and you will be fine. In other words, we should just implement what is said to be the "Philosophy of Showering". You don't think about how, you don't consult on the methodology, you don't try to find the Hebrew word for "shower", you don't ponder about warm or cold water, or calculate the angle of water drops, or think about how you would feel after the shower. All you know is that there's water and you bathe. The more you wait, the more you stink. The more you stink, the more depressed you get.

So, I think about that and I think about how promises work. Let's say you get married and in front of God, the pastor and all loved ones, you say: "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life". As you say that, you truthfully know that it is just NOT possible, right? "To be true to you" means you do not lie or hold grudge, and "to love and honor you" means you will not be disrespectful or hide anything or do any sin to you spouse. "All the days of my life"...... we all should have cold feet before going to the altar. Impossible, but we say it anyway. Or when you decide to have a child. Conscious or not, we make a promise of raising him/her, providing shelter, education, moral support, and all that. You enter the labor room at 26 years old and come out with a baby. Do you know that you can actually fulfill all those things? Not really, but we have children anyways. The point is, I think, that's just how human promises work. It does not mean that we will perfectly abide and deliver that promises that we state, but we give our commitment to come back to them every time we falter. If I slipped and left my spouse in sickness, I will come back the next day and try again. If my son ended up doing drugs, well, I'm not sure what to do, but perhaps work more to improve my parenting? It works differently from they way God promises us things, where they definitely will happen. When we promise, I don't think it is in our power and nature to ensure it will always be fulfilled, but we are committed towards what we say. That, we can do.

Having thought all that, I feel better facing this Lent. And it's probably not good either to be so afraid of failing that I would not even promise at all. That's like failing before I even start. So, back to the ultimate question: what am I giving up this season? Hmm... good question... I am promising (still feels the shudders using this word) to be discipline. Very vague, I know. But for starters, that means:

1. Not pressing the snooze button in the morning.

2. Refraining from facebook.

Through my journey with that I will add more based on the success rate. And I realize that it will not be a personal achievement when in the end I am able to control myself, because ultimately the beautiful achievement is only when I am closer to God and celebrate Easter with all my heart.

Alrighty, gotta go get my ashes and go shower after that!

To all who are celebrating, happy Ash Wednesday. Through successes and failures, we pray for each other and we lean on Him.

Weekend Visitors

2011-03-08T16:35:00.000-08:00

Last weekend was probably the worst snow this season yet, but it was a fun weekend for me :) I got a visit from Hanfung and Jeffrey who brought a fresh breeze of air from New Jersey and Georgia along with them, making me feel as if I got a visit from home. We did not do much in terms of the activities because in the morning we are supposed to go skiing Jeff got a bad stomach ache from too much coconut milk in the curry he ate for dinner. The next day was when the storm started brewing in. So after trying to find lunch at Moosewood, which apparently did not open for lunch on a Sunday, we went back home forced to settle to order a Domino's pizza which to our stomachs' disappointment came 2 hours later due to the snow. But we got some quality time, talking over random stuff, catching up with each other, spending time in the library to do work, where Hanfung found a gem of Indo literature/historical sources, came back to me beaming as ever with 4 books to borrow. We also went to Indo night, where my guests became part-time volunteers, helping out with tumpeng set up, taking down banners, and other errands. Such expensive outsourced labor :)

Anyways, thanks guys for coming over, you totally made my weekend!

Camwhoring after Indo night in my room

Looking over the snow storm that left knee-deep piles of snow the next morning

Glad to have help with cleaning up snow from the car and shoveling the way out

Finally, got a chance to take Jeff to Moosewood, the vegetarian restaurant in Ithaca with varying daily menu depending on what's in season. He got 2 beans gumbo with corn bread and surprisingly they had gado-gado as a new recipe, so I tried it. Well, it was the most expensive gado-gado I've ever tried, as well as the least original :) They put in carrots, broccoli, tofu, red bell peppers, on a bed of brown rice, topped with their version of peanut sauce which I suspect is made out of cream and peanut butter. It's safe to say that it truly was NOT gado-gado, but you know, it could pass for like a fusion food, and it tasted fine.

Thanks again, guys. Good luck to you, Jeff, where ever you end up living at. You will do great things with that sharp mind of yours :)

Landslide

2011-02-26T21:17:00.000-08:00

Took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well

Well, I've been afraid of changin'
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes bolder, children get older
I'm getting older too, well, I'm getting older too

So take this love and take it down
Yeah, and if you climb a mountain and you turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well, the landslide brought down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe, well maybe, well maybe
The landslide will bring you down

- Feeling a little mellow tonight, listening to this song, trying to be wiser.

Toy Story Me

2011-02-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

Oscar week is coming up and I'm rooting for Toy Story to win something. I cried in the end of the movie to the story of friendship, loyalty, and generosity, well, that is other than the fact that I'm just a cry baby. The last time I went back home, I went through my own toys so when later if my parents move from there they already have the ones I'm keeping and the rest would go to donation. That would safe them from my complaints on why can't I find my favorite soft toys and what not. Anyways, it reminds me a lot of Toy Story because those that I hug all the time years before are now collecting dust in the cupboard, or those that were played with became a vintage ornament in the room.

But, they always remind me that I'm lucky to have a great childhood. They were the silent witness. So here are a few that I kept:

The clumsy dog is Kospot and the Cheetah is Cheepot. Their names mean Koko Spotty and Cici Spotty, respectivey, and of course they are siblings from the same mother. Unfortunately, the identity of the father is unknown. The kangaroo with its baby Joey is from my grandma from my dad's side when she visited Australia long time ago. The kangaroo's ear a little torn because my sister once grabbed it by the ear and throw it round and round like a lasso. The Mickey hand puppet was my favorite when I was 4 until 6. I literally brought it everywhere with me, as evident in all my pictures taken at that age. You can see that both of Mickey's hands just cannot be washed back to its original white color because of that.

Aaah, wish I could go back to that time just for a little while.

When Making Sense Does Not Make Sense

2011-02-23T20:27:00.000-08:00

We complain about our representatives in DPR very often, from their absurd statements, dozing off in meetings, nonchalant attitudes regarding serious matter, debates that are going nowhere, and their salaries plus all bonuses and amenities they receive. Once in a blue moon we see a representative truly representing our anger and needs, someone who somehow sees the absurdity that for a long time has been deemed as normality, making anything that makes sense seem abnormal.

I personally think he's a gem. I do not support him because he is Chinese or because he is Christian, I support him because of what he has done in honesty and because he holds on to what he says. We need a role model, a leader, a visionary, and a passionate servant. We haven't seen many, so the few that we have we should support.

I think he makes so much sense that he is so abnormal in DPR. I think this video should go viral. Indonesians are amongst the top users of the internet and social networks: facebook, twitter, blogs. We can make this viral, we can make a statement that we want our representatives to be like this. Re-post to join this cause.

Note: his statement starts at 1:35

Wisdom

2011-02-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

When there are things I don't understand

School, work, and the future

Lessons I can't register

The way other people think

Stories beyond comprehension

Sufferings, frustrations

Knowledge unadministered

Fear and apprehension

Questions unanswered

I'll hang on to this:

All wisdom comes from the LORD and with him it remains forever.

The sand of the seashore, the drops of rain, the days of eternity: who can number these?

Heaven's height, earth's breadth, the depths of the abyss: who can explore these?

Before all things else wisdom was created; and prudent understanding, from eternity.

To whom has wisdom's root been revealed? Who knows her subtleties?

There is but one, wise and truly awe-inspiring, seated upon his throne:

It is the LORD; he created her, has seen her and taken note of her.

He has poured her forth upon all his works, upon every living thing according to his bounty; he has lavished her upon his friends.

Fear of the LORD is glory and splendor, gladness and a festive crown.

Fear of the LORD warms the heart, giving gladness and joy and length of days.

He who fears the LORD will have a happy end; even on the day of his death he will be blessed.

The beginning of wisdom is fear of the LORD, which is formed with the faithful in the womb

Sirach 1:1-12

Lather, Rinse, and Repeat

2011-02-19T19:08:00.000-08:00

I can't wait until I have my own washing machine, or have somebody else do laundry for me. Amongst all the household chores, laundrying could be my most hated one. My roommate who hates it all the same has to drag me out to do it tonight, and doing it in sort of a team dynamic makes it easier, thankfully. It's now minus 0 Celcius outside, but we really do have to do it tonight. I occupied 3 machines, she did 4, basically we hog the laundry room because of that.

At times like this if I see myself from somebody else's eyes, I'd love to smack myself and tell me to stop acting like a rich brat and just to the darn thing with no complaints. But, I'm not gonna do that to myself.

It's OK, dear, after this you'll have 2 to 3 laundry-free weeks, you'll have clean socks, you'll have fresh towels, you'll be happier.

The Death of Paper and Ink

2011-02-16T19:48:00.000-08:00

This year the Buffalo Street Books celebrates its 30th year anniversary, an age proudly stated for a local bookstore. Throughout the years they have provided literacy support, a comfortable environment for book lovers, a place for local authors to meet up, a community center in the very essence. I have been there only twice, browsing through the new releases and flipping over hard bound local interest books. Walking through the shelfs brings a lot of comfort. Books invite me, they lure me over, they have taught me to explore, at the same time bringing me to a safer place. It's a little difficult to explain how I feel, but it could be similar to a greeter at Church. From afar, you have seen him, smiling and holding the door open for you. He says "Good morning!" in the most genuine sense possible, making you finally believe that the morning is truly good. And then he ushers you in to a seat of a good view. You sit down, go through everything you are suppose to do in the Church and when it's done, you walk back to the entrance and meet him again. He will let you go, bless you his best wishes, and you somehow go out a changed man. That's what books do to me. Just seeing them lined up nicely, reading the back cover, smelling the pages, these things make your day. Unfortunately, instead of celebrating all these things along with its anniversary, the owner of Buffalo Street Books just announced that he just has no choice but to finally close down.

While it comes not as a shock, it just brings a wave of sadness. Five years ago, the current owner who was then an employee bought the store, knowing that he'll be preserving the ancient art of managing brick and mortar bookshop. He believes in all the values that a local bookshop brings to the community, but finally it is the same community that brings his dreams down. We have changed, haven't we? We go to bigger chain bookstores that have a lot more comfortable sofas where we can sit down and read from break to dawn. We go there for the coffee and the free internet to study or do our work. We wait for the 40% discount coupons to buy a book. And let's admit it, they just have better lighting. At the same time we look at the small bookshops with striped awnings and think about how cute they are and how precious that we have them. Unfortunately, being cute only doesn't cut it. Uuuw's and aaaww's don't make the register goes "kaching!"

What is shocking is when earlier today, they announced that Borders has filed bankruptcy closing about a third of its nationwide stores, including the only one in Ithaca. So very soon, we will only have one remaining bookstore, the last line of defense, which now I think it's gonna be there simply because it will be unthinkable for a town, especially a college town like Ithaca to not have a bookstore. Until now, I just did not realize that we have seriously taken Borders for granted. I go there often but very rarely do I come out with a book. It's often filled with people, but the truth is, they are not there to buy. The business just keeps on selflessly serving what they thought to be customers when in fact they are just there to crinkle the books. But, I've never thought that they are hurting that bad, until now. It's true what one of those cliches says: you don't realize what you have until you have lost it.

So, I look at my Kindle and thought to myself, "what have I done??!!" (eyes gazing upwards and fists clenching the air, for added dramatic effects). I've taken part in this murder, there you go, I said it. I browsed for a Kindle last year and I thought I'd actually prefer books, ones I can flipped over and put under my pillow or hug when I dozed off. But, a part of me somehow wanted it. Being economical, well OK fine, being cheap, I finally decided not to buy because it wasn't a necessity and I can wait. But, surprise surprise!!! On early November it was there in my mail as a gift, and I was as giddy as a kid high on sugar for the rest of the day. And I have to say, I've been hooked on it ever since. I've read more books that I would do on average, I love the feel of holding it on just one hand, I love that I don't have to lose my bookmarks, I can highlight without feeling guilty, the screen is fantastic, I fell in love. I wish Amazon had paid me for saying all these but rest assured they had not. One thing that changes the whole game is that it somehow allows me to be more resilient in reading. I think it has to do with the font size and the fact that there's only maybe 2 paragraphs in a page so you'd turn more frequently, making me feel good about finishing a page faster. I realized that if I spent a long time before I can turn, I get frustrated faster and would less likely finish it. I'm still not sure, but I think that's what it is.

So there you go. It's the end of an era. I take part in ending it. I have not decided if I should feel deeply saddened or actually excited for this evolution. It's saying good bye to a culture and embracing a new one, just like blowing a candle and switching on a bulb, right? Right? For Gary Weissbrot, the owner of Bufallo Street Books along with his employees, Mike Edwards, the CEO of Borders, and everybody potentially facing lay offs from Borders, I don't mean to be uncaring on these difficult moments, or brush off the anxieties of uncertain future, especially when you have done so very much to many people. I'm also sorry that it is this culture that has met its end, or at least close to it. It is this culture, amongst many others that should have rightfully be ended, that has to go through this.

Maybe this is the least we could do, at this moment of "grief" and as we let go of what we have actually loved for a long time: that we should all still rejoice over words, over literature, over the fact that people have come out different because of it. We should still rejoice over beautifully crafted sentences, refined passages, and intriguing characters. We still rejoice over the love of reading that brings people together.

In the words on the Beatles:

Words are flying out like
endless rain into a paper cup
They slither while they pass
They slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow waves of joy
are drifting thorough my open mind
Possessing and caressing me

My Kindle is named Buffalo Beau to honor the last local bookstore standing in Ithaca, to always remind me of the smell of papers, and the feeling of browsing through shelves, the smile of a greeter, and how reading changes me.

Here Because of Love

2011-02-13T10:18:00.000-08:00

Thank you for loving each other like you did, for saying "I do" and doing "I do", for saying true "until death do us part".

Happy Valentine's day, all!

Hmmm... it's now clear where I get my cheeks from...

The Girl by Orchard Road

2011-02-11T15:28:00.000-08:00

Valentine's day is just around the corner. While it is a celebrated day for many, for others it could be the most hated. Walking through Orchard Rd on this day, you will see flowers being sold at last minute, couples lining for movies and restaurants, and overly decorated stores that make you think a pink unicorn from Barbie world has eaten too much candy hearts and vomited all over it. For a single girl, it might feel that the day is especially invented to torture her; a physical reminder to what she easily ignores on all the other days: that she is in fact and after all, single.

We can't deny our human sexuality, romanticism, and of course love. One that leads us to in the end fulfill the great commandment of filling and subduing the Earth. It's an innate character that melts even the most stoned hearts. Love is the most natural thing that any creature do. It is the ONLY thing that we are supposed to do. A celebration of love, therefore, is always beautiful. The day is also a very good reminder to stop for a while, and literally smell the flowers, yes, those bought from 1-800-flowers.com. Without such occasions, we often forget to make our significant others feel special. In the midst of daily lives, we sometimes take our support system for granted, knowing that they will love us no matter what, or they would understand that although we are busy, we have them close at heart. The problem is, what's in your heart and mind, stays enclosed there, and without actions or words, they become arrows that fail to launch, sharp yet benign as ever. So, in a way, it's great that for those lost in the jungle of routines to rekindle the sparks on Valentine's day, to stop what you are doing, take a step back, and just be.

So if this celebration of love carries a significant importance, is supposed to be beautiful, and may safe marriages, what's wrong with our girl by the Orchard Rd? Is she just merely full of jealousy or insecurities? She could be. But, what girl would not when everyone walks in pairs making her feel like she has lost a limb, when she's actually perfectly fine. Maybe it is us as a society, that has made Valentine's all about you and me, about the gifts and impressing, chocolates and dinner dates, kisses, and for some this year, making sure they'd have a baby delivered on 11/11/11. Maybe sometimes, all we see is that one person, and how to make him or her as our only world, that we forget to look right and left to see that we should also celebrate love in singleness, and love in a bigger body of people. And that nobody should be left out in this celebration.

After all, stripped to its history, the day is actually celebrating St. Valentine's intense love for God that he got beheaded for his faith. A lost of self, for a bigger cause, an even bigger love than looking at our lover, and our lefts and rights. Before he died he left a message for the jailer's daughter to whom he fell in love and sign it with: from your Valentine. Three words that have left their marks for generations to come.

So maybe, we all should learn something from these words by Antoine de Saint-Exupery this Valentine's day. Words especially fitting in today's world, with all its unique revolutions, confusions, persecutions, and dilemmas, making the worries of choosing the right Valentine's surprise pale against other things that we should really worry about.

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."

Happy early Valentine's day!

The Ant Circus

2011-02-08T12:04:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite writer has to be Kate DiCamillo. When I first came across her works, I was excited, but when I watched her interviews, I felt connected. It seems like she answers the questions without any pretense, acknowledging the times when she works part times to part times, acknowledging moments when she felt like a failure, and accepting fears or anxiety. But, always, just like her stories, there is a sense of hope and faith that there is a better ending. There is perseverence that endures the negative thoughts and feelings. It's like saying, "Yes, I am scared, and I am still going to feel afraid. But, I own these feelings, I embrace them in me. They don't own me." Here's what she wrote on her facebook wall several days ago:

For the last few days, I’ve been thinking about this joke that my father used to tell: there’s a man who has been in jail and who spends his time training ants to perform the most fabulous tricks. With a lot of patience and hard work he forms an ant circus. When he is released from prison, the guy takes his ants and puts them in a matchbox and goes into a bar and sits down and says to the man sitting on the stool next to him, “I’ve got he most amazing thing to show you.” He opens the matchbox and the ants run out and across the counter. And the guy says, “Hold up a minute. There’s these, wham, ants all over the, wham, bar. Okay,” he says when all the ants are dead. “Go ahead and show me the amazing thing.”

The fear with writing is always that I will open the matchbox and let the story (all that work, all that preparation) out onto the counter. And someone will say, “Wait a minute. There’s these ants all over the place here.” Wham, wham, wham. “Okay, where’s your story?”

I’m going to keep working anyway. I’m going to keep on trying to fashion a little ant circus.

If They Give Me Golden Wings...

2011-02-01T10:33:00.000-08:00

Sub-zero

2011-01-24T18:56:00.000-08:00

First day of school again. Somehow wasn't too exciting since I've been here since around new years anyways, so it wasn't like it's a start of something completely different. First days could be rough for some. Forcing yourself to wake up earlier for classes, whipping your lazy bum out of bed, and finding that spark that would hopefully get you through lectures. But, today is special, the morning was different. It was expected, but still surprising somehow. We all, the citizen of Ithaca, woke up to a -15 F. I'm not big on using Fahreinheit, I don't think I'll be, ever. My gage is that 32 F is zero Celcius, below that would just read to me as freaking cold. So, for precision, I went to my good friend Google and checked that -15 F is actually -26.7 C. To put things to perspective, freezer temperature is about -5 to -10 C. And I actually felt different breathing, like I couldn't suck in more air. And, I'm not kidding, I could feel my nose hair froze, or maybe it's they tiny boogers that did.

So good job everyone for actually waking up and brave the weather today!

Pop Quiz

2011-01-19T10:25:00.000-08:00

Setelah ketemuan dengan seorang professor untuk mempersiapkan presentasi pagi ini, kita ngobrol-ngobrol sebentar. Dia memang pernah cerita kalau istrinya akan pergi ke Indo karena ada projek kerja sama mengenai global warming (yang sebenernya saaya pengen ikutan dan udah drops hints, tapi ga ditanggep-tanggep.. hehe..). Terus dia bilang kalau istrinya dia tanya, saya dari mana di Indonesianya. Ya, saya bilang, lahirnya di Jakarta, tapi besarnya di Riau. Lalu, dia berbalik ke layar komputernya dan mencari di google image petanya Indonesia.

Saya: Jadi ini Jakarta, terus kalau Riau di sini, bagian Indonesia yang paling deket sama Singapur (sambil nunjuk-nunjuk).

Dia: Oh, saya ga pernah liat Jakarta ternyata ditulisnya kaya gini (tertulis: Djakarta).

Saya: Iya, itu sebenernya ejaan lama, sekarang udah ga kaya gitu, pake J aja.

Dia: Indonesia kan negara yang populasinya paling banyak ke-4 di dunia yah.

Saya: Iya (padahal ragu-ragu juga).

Dia: Tapi kalau di lihat-lihat, areanya ga gitu gede ya di sini. Kalau dijumlah-jumlah kan, dibandingin sama Papua New Guinea, berapa kali areanya tu?

Saya: Lumayan gede. Lebarnya aja selebar USA. Tapi daratannya ya lebih kecil. Kalo pulau Papuanya sendiri kan dibagi dua, yang kiri Indonesia, yang kanan baru Papua New Guinea.

Dia: Oh, jadi semua ini Indonesia ya. (Dia baru sadar kalo dari Sulawesi ke kanan itu juga termasuk negara bagian kita). Tapi tetep aja, banyak juga populasinya, kok bisa ya.

Berapa tuh jumlah warga negaranya?

Saya: Sekarang sih 230 juta.

Dia: Lalu, luasnya brapa?

Saya: Hmm.. brapa ya... ga terlalu tau... Tapi kebanyakan penduduknya cuma di pulau Jawa aja sebenernya.

Dia: Sampai 50% nya?

Saya: Hmm.. mungkin 40% kali yah.

Dia: Wah kalau begitu, populasi di Jawa berarti hampir sama dengan populasi orang di Russia ya.

Saya: Oh ya? (Takjub sendiri)

Lalu kita pun meng-google populasi Jawa dan Russia yang memang ternyata cuma beda 5 juta orang. Dan tambahan lagi, ternyata populasinya Jawa itu 60% dari populasi Indonesia.

Dia: Jadi misalnya di Irian sini, berapa tu penduduknya?

Saya: Errr... saya tidak tau ada berapa orang di sana.... ( tidak pernah terpikir sekalipun akan ada orang yang tanya ke saya berapa jumlah populasi Irian Jaya. Jawaban yang betul: 1 juta saja)

Dia: Lalu yang ini Brunei Darusallam... (menunjuk bagian atas Kalimantan)

Saya: Bukan, itu masi Malaysia, Brunei cuma bagian kecilnya aja di sini.

Dia: Hm, bagaimana kalian menentukan daerah perbatasannya ini?

Saya: Waduh tidak tau juga.. (dan masih ga tau sampe sekarang)

Dia: Kalau yang menanam padi, biasanya di daerah mana?

Saya: Kebanyakan di pulau Jawa, tapi di daerah-daerah lain juga menanam. (Padahal saya juga kurang tau di daerah mana, kok kayanya kalo di Sumatra ga gitu kelihatan.

Tapi kalau kebanyak di pulau Jawa, dengan populasi padat seperti itu harusnya

juga ga terlalu banyak lahan sawah lagi.. saya pun sedikit bingung..)

Dia: Dan makanan pokoknya orang Indonesia apa?

Saya: Nasi

Dia: Kalau begitu, kalian pasti banyak impor beras, kalau engga gimana caranya memberi makan orang sebanyak itu.

Saya: Iya, kita mengimpor, dari Thailand, Vietnam, China. (Dang, knapa si kita ngimpor beras??)

Dia: Tapi kalian juga banyak kekayaannya alamnya, pasti juga banyak meng-ekspor.

Saya: Iya banyak juga.

Dia: Kalau yang mengembangkan kelapa sawit itu bagian mana?

Saya: Bagian Kalimantan dan Sumatra yang biasanya banyak.

Dia: Kalimantannya bagian mana, bawah ya, soalnya ini dari petanya daerah lain banyak pegunungan.

Saya: Sebenarnya bagian Barat dan Tengah yang lebih banyak (lalu berpikir dalam hati, iya juga ya, di bagian situ justru topografinya lebih berlereng-lereng).

Dia: Nah, kalau Bali di mana?

Saya: Tuh. (menunjukkan Bali)

Dia: Kalau Timor, itu isunya apa sih. Diperebutkan ya daerahnya.

Saya: Oh, sekarang sudah merdeka, mereka sudah jadi negara sendiri.

Dia: Saya dengar ada kelompok pemberontaknya di sana, seperti Tamil Tigers gitu. Apa ya namanya mereka.

Saya: Ehmm... Fretilin bukan?

Dia: Wah, ga bisa ingat sekarang. Tapi dulu saya baca Australia juga menurunkan pasukannya ke sana untuk membantu menenangkan. Ini kok ada batas internasionalnya di

tengah-tengah pulaunya?

Saya: Oh, iya cuma yang bagian Timur aja yang merdeka. Bagian Baratnya masih punya Indonesia. (Saya juga baru diingatkan lagi, bahwa tidak seluruh pulau merdeka. Dan ternyata Timur Barat itu bagian dari provinsi NTT).

Dia: Wah menarik, jadi belajar banyak tentang Indo hari ini.

Saya dalam hati: Info-info yang gw kasi bener ga si, jangan-jangan menyesatkan.

Hehehe...Saya jadi merasa, kok banyak basic questions yang saya ga bisa jawab yah? Kok sedikit memalukan??? Padahal minggu sebelumnya saya sok-sok sopan bilang ke dia, kalau istrimu mau ketemu buat ngobrol2 sebelum dia cabut, I'd be happy to (well, setengahnya karena saya juga penasaran pengen tau projeknya itu ngapain sih.. hehe). Tapi lepas dari itu mendengar pertanyaan dari "orang luar" membuat padangan saya yang selama ini biasa-biasa saja, jadi ikut terusik karena keheranan dia. Dan saya pun disadarkan, ternyata Jawa itu separah itu jumlah populasinya. Ternyata Indo itu bener-bener tidak tersebar sumber daya manusianya. Padahal selama ini kalo di Jakarta/Jawa, dan balik ke Riau, ga gitu berasa. Ya memang terasa lebih padat di Jawa, tapi ga se-ekstrim itu lah.

Kenapa saya jarang lihat sawah padi di luar Jawa? Kenapa kelapa sawit kita justru ditanam di daerah yang lebih berpegunungan? Kenapa Timor Timur berontak tapi tidak Timor Barat? Kenapa dari sekian banyak pulau cuma Bali yang sukses dibangun pariwisatanya? Kenapa perbatasan Indo-Malaysia kriwil-kriwil ga jelas, tapi perbatasan Indo-Papua New Guinea lurus kaya pake penggaris? Kenapa si Ariel dihukum lebih berat daripada orang yang menyebar filenya dia? Kenapa saya ga bisa jawab semua ini?? Kenapa??? Kenapa???

Great, It's Not Just Me

2011-01-13T10:04:00.001-08:00

Have a productive Thursday everyone!

Anak 90-an

2011-01-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

Udah 2 hari ini, ga tau kenapa lagunya Sherina jadi terngiang-ngiang di kepala saya. Gak keseluruhan lagunya, tapi cuma 1 bagian kecil yang berkata "bahagiakan mereka sepertiku". Saya sebenernya juga udah lupa lagunya yang mana, sehingga mesti cari-cari lagi di youtube. Ternyata judulnya "Andai Aku Telah Dewasa", jadul abis video klipnya. Saya punya tuh kasetnya, jaman-jaman awal SMP, di mana kalau mau rewind atau ngulang-ngulang lagu yang disuka, mesti tunggu stereo tape SONY kesayangan buat muter balik pitanya. Sherinanya sendiri sekarang sudah mau masuk kuliah, sudah tau pacaran sekaligus putus, sudah semampai badannya tanpa terlihat sisa-sisa baby fats-nya lagi. Dan saya juga sudah berubah meninggalkan jaman itu, meskipun berbeda dengan Sherina, baby fats saya ternyata tidak hilang-hilang. Tapi, bagi anak tahun 90-an, Sherina sedikit banyak membentuk pemikiran kita, membangun imajinasi dan gaya hidup, menyediakan wahana yang menyenangkan untuk bertumbuh.

Tentunya bukan hanya Sherina, tapi juga sekomplotannya seperti Joshua, Cikita Meidy, Maissy, Agnes Monica, Kak Rian Enes dan Susan, Si Komo, Si Unyil, Trio Kwek Kwek, Bondan Prakoso, Papa T. Bob, Cindy Cenora, Tina Toon, Tasya, dan lain-lain. Ngomong-ngomong, si Maissy jadi cakep lo sekarang. Sangat banyak pilihan lagu-lagu dan acara di TV untuk anak-anak yang bermutu dan saling bersaing. Dulu acara kesukaan saya adalah Anak Seribu Pulau dan Pesta Ceria Indosiar, meskipun saya pernah ilfil sekali waktu pas nonton Pesta Ceria dan lihat Kiki tampil membawakan lagunya "Berhitung". Sepertinya harusnya dia lipsync sambil bergaya-gaya atau apalah, tapi yang terjadi adalah dia duduk di tangga sambil bermain, sementara lagunya diputar menjadi background. Yah, dimaafkan lah, waktu itu mungkin dia masih terlalu kecil untuk mengerti bahwa salah satu tanggung jawabnya sebagai penyanyi itu adalah bernyanyi ketika di panggung.

Kalau jaman sekarang, mungkin sudah hampir ga ada entertainment sejenis itu untuk anak-anak. Yang saya tau, ada Si Bolang Bocah Petualang, yang konsepnya mirip-mirip sama Anak Seribu Pulau. Sempat ada Gita Gutawa diujung masa kanak-kanaknya yang menyegarkan dunia televisi dengan lagunya yang "bersih" dan menyenangkan. Tapi dia pun sekarang sudah memasuki umur remaja dan tema lagunya sudah berubah. Jadi saya juga bingung, anak-anak jaman sekarang, nontonnya apa ya? Kemungkinan mereka banyak dapat influence dari tokoh-tokoh Disney atau Pixar, seperti Cars dan Toy story. Tapi dilihat-lihat, engga juga ya, rasanya filem-filem seperti itu ga terlalu nge-boom seperti di sini, biasa saja. Terus terang saya sedikit kuatir dengan pertelevisian yang tidak memadai untuk adik-adik kita. Memang ketika bukan jam malam, tidak ada cewe2 seksi yang membawa acara kuiz lewat telpon sambil memamerkan tubuhnya yang setengah terbuka. Tapi, censorship kan bukan hanya itu doang. Apa generasi muda kita harus lepas dari budaya menggosip? Iya, mudah-mudahan. Apa mereka harus bersih dari humor kasar dan main dorong-dorongan (meskipun jokenya memang lucu dan dorong2annya hanya ke properti dari gabus)? Iya, kalo bisa. Apa mereka mesti mengerti bagaimana menjalin hubungan dengan lawan jenis dengan baik dan setia ketika sudah besar nanti? I hope so. Lalu, bagaimana mereka bisa begitu kalau acara di TV penuh dengan infotainment, lawak jenis OVJ, dan sinetron percintaan?

Dulu sepupu saya pernah nangis-nangis gara2 saya kasi tau kalau acara kesukaannya Sarah 007 baru saja habis. Mungkin jauh lebih bagus mendengar tangisan anak-anak Indonesia yang ketinggalan acara favoritnya, daripada puas dengan anak-anak anteng yang menonton Jupe dan Dewi Persik cakar-cakaran di siang bolong. Saya jadi bener-bener penasaran, sekarang anak-anak itu nontonnya apaan si? Atau justru ga nonton TV sekalian?

Just something to ponder on this Monday.

Snow in My Cocoa

2011-01-07T09:20:00.000-08:00

It will snow for a week straight, according to the forecast. But, I'm not complaining. I kind of like staring at white fluffy stuff floating in the air. And so far, this year (which feels like it's been a while but it's only 7 days!), I've been good keeping up with little joys, that though seemingly insignificant, bring a lot of peace to mind. Like today, for example, I finally completed 9 stamps from Collegetown Bagel signifying I've bought 9 cups of coffee and thus am entitled for a free one on my next purchase. Free coffee would definitely break a bad day, when I have one in the future. Free stuff always does that to me. There was one day when I decided to treat myself to a good book and a cupcake. I was staying in the store, just reading, until the cupcake shop almost closed. And the waitress came by to tell me they are giving the remaining cakes for free, so I got four red velvet cupcakes which made me real happy for quite some time. So, either I appreciate little things that come my way, or I'm just simply cheap!

Have a fulfilling Friday, all!

In a Digital World

2011-01-05T07:56:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, Christmas is over, we'll have to wait another year. And this is too late for all the merriment, but it's too good to wait.

"A life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?"

Have a great Wednesday!

Learning Gratification

2011-01-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

In my google chat today,

Me: I envy you.

My friend J: Why? I envy you.

Me: Why?

Me and J:??

Lesson for today: be in gratitude, you've had enough, you've had you portion :)

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead

And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . .

Flipped

2011-01-03T17:47:00.000-08:00

Sebelum jadian, pacaran itu di kepala saya sangat ideal. Satu, harus saling percaya. Dua, harus saling mendukung. Tiga, harus saling pengertian. Empat, komunikasi harus lancar. Terus sampe entah ke nomer berapa. Misalnya saya dicurhatin seorang cewe anonimus dan tidak bernama yang bilang kalau cowonya (long distance nih ceritanya) suka pergi sama cewe laen, tapi perginya selalu rame-rame si sama teman yang lain juga. Si cowonya ini kebetulan satu program sekolah sama itu cewe, jadi kalo ke kelas dan pergi ke kampus jadi sering bareng. Tambahan lagi, apartmentnya juga satu gedung. Alhasil lah emang sering mampir-mampir. Si cewe anonimus pun jadi sering mengungkit-ungkit hal ini, sering nangis, dan jengkel kalo lagi telpon dan tanya cowonya lagi bareng siapa, jawabannya ada nama itu cewe diantara sederetan nama lainnya. Ini kejadiannya dah rada lama, dan waktu itu, saya yang culun-culun ga ngerti pacaran, coba menenangkan si cewe anonimus. Ya elu mesti percaya lah sama dia, kan perginya juga selalu barengan yang lain, ga berdua doang. Kan dia juga jujur tuh, ga pernah bohongin kalo emang itu cewe lagi ada sama dia, berarti dia emang biasa-biasa aja dong. Lu ngerti juga lah kan ada perbedaan waktu, kalo lu di sini pagi, dia di sana kan weekend malem, emang lagi keluar-keluar main. Dan nasihat terakhir: lu mesti komunikasiin semuanya sama dia, cerita aja sama dia persis nih kaya yang lu bilang ke gw sekarang. Jadi kan dia lebih ngerti perasaan lu gimana. Dan jawaban si cewe anonimus ke saya: Ga segampang itu, Vid. Some feelings you just have to keep from your boyfriend. It's more complicated than what you think.

Waktu itu saya berasa, wah kok si cewe anonimus tidak rasional. Apa susahnya bilang aja jujur-jujur. Kalo emang si cowo ga bisa terima perasaannya dia yang jujur, dan ga bisa berubah juga, ya udah berarti mereka ga cocok. Dan kalo mereka emang ga cocok, bagus lah decide untuk putus sekarang daripada nanti nikah dan masih menyembunyikan perasaan atau hal lainnya.Sodara-sodara, kalau saat ini saya punya time machine dan bisa kembali ke masa itu, saya akan pergi ke dapur mengambil panci, pergi naik time machine menemui saya versi culun, dan menggetok kepala si culun pake panci. Because now I agree, it IS more complicated than what I thought.

Teman cewe yang saya kenal ini anaknya sangat mandiri, pinter, rajin, sedikit keras dalam berpendapat, istilahnya didahinya tercap tulisan: you can't mess with me. Untuk karakternya yang tegas, saya kasih dua jempol. Tidak heran waktu itu saya tidak mengerti kenapa kok dia ga bisa berkarakter seperti itu di depan cowonya. Tapi belakangan ini saya pelan-pelan tau jawabannya, karena saya juga merasakan. Sekeras apa pun cewe, dia bisa menjadi "lemah" di hadapan orang yang dicintainya. Mungkin bisa jadi, dengan cinta, datang rasa menghargai dan hormat. Sehingga semua argumen yang sudah disusun dan disimpan rapi untuk amunisi tiba-tiba tidak jadi dikeluarkan. Yang keluar cuma tangisan cengeng ala sinetron India. Ada juga rasa tidak ingin melukai perasaan orang yang kita sayang. Atau kadang-kadang, perasaan kita terjawab dengan alasan-alasan logis si cowok, sehingga sulit untuk menjelaskan apa yang dirasakan. Tapi, saya menggetok si culun bukan karena apa yang dia katakan salah. Tidak salah untuk berkomunikasi jujur, justru memang benar harus begitu. Saya getok dia karena dia tidak peka, tidak mengerti perasaan temannya, dan semestinya mendengar dulu sebelum berpendapat. Mungkin kata-kata yang keluar lebih berkenan dan justru mengena.

Ada seorang teman lain sebut saja Miss Future Minister of Finance atau Miss FMF. Di saat masa depannya gemilang karena dia berhasil secara akademis, kerjaan, perencanaan hidup, dan karakter yang juga patut diacungi jempol, dia belum mendapat jodoh. Bukan karena apa-apa, sebab dia cantik dan menarik, tapi karena yang namanya belum, ya belum. Tapi entah kenapa, dari cerita-ceritanya cowo-cowo yang pernah dipacarinya dulu tidak bertahan lama, tidak lebih dari hitungan bulan. Dan putusnya pun kurang mengenakkan karena beberapa dari mereka berselingkuh. Pertanyaannya adalah, kenapa Miss FMF dengan watak dan otaknya yang cerdas bisa berpacaran sekaligus dibohongi oleh cowo-cowo tak bertanggung jawab itu? Kenapa dengan kemampuannya untuk menganalisa ekonomi negara, keadaan sosial politik, dan menulis serta berbicara dengan kritis dia tidak berhasil menganalisa pasangannya? Tentu bukan karena dia bodoh. Cowo-cowo itu yang bodoh!!! Ups sori, kebawa emosi. Maksudnya, kayanya cowo-cowo itu rada minder dan keder dengan kemandirian Miss FMF. Tapi, intinya, itulah cewek. Kadang-kadang kami meletakkan kepercayaan dan respect berlebih pada orang yang dicintai. Dan cinta itu ga bisa dianalisa kaya ekonomi, pake prediksi nilai uang di masa depan, atau trend ekonomi yang dilihat dengan regresi linear.

Saya pun jadi ingat dengan filem judulnya "Flipped" yang baru saja ditonton, pertama kali di dalam pesawat, dan kedua kali di rumah temen yang kesenengan dapet filem bagus. Ceritanya, ada anak perempuan yang bertemu tetangga barunya, seorang anak laki-laki, waktu mereka kelas 2 SD. Dari saat pertama, si anak perempuan langsung jatuh cinta disebabkan oleh mata si anak lelaki yang biru, dalam, dan menawan hati. Si anak perempuan ini pintar dan berani, dia menang science fair, dan sukanya memanjat pohon sycamore dan membela mati-matian ketika pohon tersebut hendak ditebang. Tapi, lagi-lagi sampai kelas 6 SD si anak perempuan ini masih terus cinta kepada anak lelaki, meskipun dia sudah disakiti berulang kali, dan memang lama-lama dia meragukan keafdolan si cowok. Padahal menurut saya si cowonya engga banget deh, meskipun memang rada cakep. Ya itu lah, achilles heel nya kami kaum cewek. Kami memang didesign untuk menjadi support systemnya cowok. Jadi, kalau berhadapan dengan seseorang yang dicintai, secara alami seorang cewe akan mensupport, kadang-kadang tanpa perhitungan, tidak peduli si cewe sepintar dan seberani apa. Tidak masuk akal memang.

Saya sendiri pertama kali nangis gara-gara cowok sekitar pertengahan tahun 2009. Dan ga enak rasanya. Nangis saya ada dua versi. Kalau muka saya tidak jelek, artinya saya tidak nangis dari hati yang paling dalam. Seperti ketika saya menangisi kisah-kisah hidup orang yang rumah bobroknya disulap jadi mewah di "Extreme Home Makeover," atau menangisi kelelahan fisik dan mental sebagai pelajar di ujung semester, contohnya. Jenis yang kedua adalah yang membuat mata saya merah, hidung saya makin bulat membengkak, dan membuat lengan baju, handuk, serta sarung bantal penuh dengan ingus. Ini dia nangis top markotop sepenuh jiwa raga. Dan waktu itu saya nangis kaya gitu: top markotop. Tapi, setelah jadian ini, saya pun lebih mengenal apa itu cinta, dalam banyak konteks yang berbeda. Saya jadi tau sebagai cewe, rasanya kaya apa kalau berasa ditinggal atau dikecewain. Saya jadi harus belajar gimana caranya memaafkan lalu melupakan, sehingga yang sudah selesai tidak diungkit lagi. Jadi tau juga rasanya dimaafkan atas segala kengeyelan, kemanjaan, dan kemarahan saya. Jadi belajar juga cara pandang cowo seperti apa, mencoba mengerti mereka meskipun terkadang masi tidak mengerti juga.

Secara general, menurut saya, begitu lah cewe, banyak titik lemahnya dihadapan si cinta. Meskipun begitu, jangan kuatir para wanita, kaumku tersayang (ciaelah..), karena begitu pula lah cowok, juga banyak titik lemahnya (yesh! High five!). Kalau tidak begitu cinta tidak ada artinya, karena mencintai di saat senang itu gampang, cinta tanpa melalui kecewa bukanlah cinta yang teruji. Makanya meskipun begitu, yang saya pelajari, cinta itu indah, merasuki dan membangkitkan, menyakitkan tapi menyelamatkan, pengorbanan ke kebahagiaan. Cinta itu mukjizat, hujan waktu kemarau, berlian di tanah budak, Jakarta tanpa macet. Saya lebih bisa mengerti kenapa Yesus menomorsatukan cinta dibanding beribu ajaran lainnya. Karena cinta itu permainan hati. Bersih, tulus, ga pake embel-embel. Dan hati tidak berbohong. Dan tangisan versi dua saya waktu itu adalah perjalanan menuju cinta yang lebih besar.

Selamat hari Senin semuanya!

Goodbye Raisin Cookie Land

2011-01-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

I am changing the outlook of my blog (again). I hope my goofy face up there doesn't scare you. Basically, I just want to have a cleaner template and a more mature looking site. Remembering that I'm a year away to a quarter decade old (geez, I make myself sound like I'm dying), and because the new year is only a couple of days fresh, I think it's an appropriate time to make a little change in appearance. And I will try my best to do the same in reality.

Raisin Cookie Land has gracefully lend me its space for lots of ranting, sharing, and therapeutic writing. It's the place where I feel safe and at home, no matter where I am. It's the starting point to others' spaces or sites that I visit for a daily guilty pleasure. It was named rightfully because I run to it for comfort just like I did when I ran to Seattle's Best Coffee on campus for an oatmeal raisin cookie on a bad day (well, okay, on a good day, too).

Now that I no longer do that (no worries, I have other comfort food), I wanted to replace it with something else, and also something that is for goodness sake, not food related. And, man, it's always hard to think of a name. Branded by design came to my mind because I read a book recently that talked about how we (humans) are all wanted, created, designed, branded, and thus are special because of that. I actually read the book when I was quite sleepy, so I might have just created that interpretation, but what the heck, I like it :) So I guess, I wanted to change my own perspective about this blog: not a place that I run to for comfort and confirmation of existence, but a place where I just share myself and my thoughts, where I share what I'm designed for.

So, welcome to branded by design, welcome to 2011! Happy New Year!