The Art of Roommating

So here's something that I will never perfected, just like so many other things in the world, actually. I have had 17 ex-roomies up to this point and of course some good and bad experiences. But a recent occurence got me to do some reflection about the art of roommate-ing and living with other people.

I live with three other girls. Since this is a graduate housing from Cornell, each of us just rent a room, and got paired up automatically by the housing management. No hassle of finding your own roomies right? Right! But of course the hassle comes in another form. Whatever problem you manage to avoid now, will come and haunt you back three times bigger! Imagine now just picking the most random species in the world. You may pick a cute panda from China that eats bamboos, shoots, and leaves. Then you can scoop out a salmon in migration passing the cold waters of Alaska. Or maybe the one-horned rhino from the Western tip of Java Island. And perhaps, the fruit bat from the dark caves of a forgotten nook somewhere in Central America. Put them in a cage in an American zoo and what do you get? Okay, so the salmon might immediately die from being out of water too long. The rest might stay in their respective corners, passing glances to each other and trying to measure up against one another. Or the cute panda might take the initiative to be friendly and start sniffing the rhino... Meanwhile, the rhino tickled by all the furs and annoyed with some creature crawling around its foot starts stomping furiously, while the bat becomes frustrated by the noises that keep him awake when its daylight and he's trying to catch some beauty sleep.... You get the point...

It's so nice and ideal to have roommates that you could really share your life with, cook traditional food from their countries, or listen to your complains on a bad day. But getting a roommate like that doesn't happen often, really. You should be thankful when you do. And I've had my fair share of those kind too. But my current one is now scrubbing off the bathroom, that I've cleaned twice in a week. I said I've cleaned it, she said no you didn't, it's still gross. She's moving out as soon as she gets someone to sublease her room, which I felt a little guilty for yesterday when she announced it to me and the other 2 girls, but now I am so glad that she'll be out. I haven't felt like this in a while now, I'm so mad. "I'm not a clean freak." You are the most exact definition of a clean freak.

Ah, okay, deep breaths... going to a more objective point of view, in my opinion, there are several types of roommate dynamics:

1. Sisterhood

As described above, this would be the most ideal type. This is like coming to home, and finding family. There's no specific rule for cleaning, or throwing out trash, or shower and cooking time, but somehow everyone's happy with the state of the apartment. You just sort of know what the others prefer and you accommodate it naturally. On top of that there's enough bonding time where you could just sit next to each other, and talk. Literally for hours, about anything, and for reasons you don't know, feel very uplifted afterwards. Perfect.

2. Clicked

A state below sisterhood, where everything just "clicked" yet you still keep good boundaries and does not share almost everything in your life with your roomies.

3. Hi Bye

This is where you wouldn't complain about the state of the apartment and you share polite conversations with roommates or discuss matters about living condition when necessary.

4. Unsatisfied

This is where you have a lot of things to complain about: too dirty, too clean, dishes not washed, AC not turned off, etc, but you bear with it. Very little interaction as if living with a total stranger you don't care about. No effort to get to know each other. It's basically a survival mode.

5. Public enemies

This is when things get unbearable for you. You feel that you can't live like this even for a week. You feel like you wouldn't be able to cook from the same kitchen as your roommates. Suggestion: run away (which is what my roommate is doing).

Okay, actually I have mixed thoughts about my roommate leaving. I am taking it personally that she thinks living with me is unbearable. Like it or not, I'm thinking, "is there really something wrong with me?" But at the same time, I'm angry at the insensitive way she told me about the bathroom not being cleaned to her standards. As if I am such a filthy person. So I'm thinking, "Huh, I have had so many roomies before and you are the first one who can't live with me. I am normal. You are weird!"

But, I guess whatever it is I should always remember that living with another person takes a lot of sacrifice as well as forgiveness to make it work. Hopefully by the grace of probability law you get somebody who matches your personality that sacrifice is not even needed. And by the same grace, I happen to get somebody who thought that making the sacrifice is not even worth it anymore. And I guess, that's OK. Who am I to think that in all 6.5 billion people in this world nobody would have an extreme dislike of me? Have a slice of humble pie, young lady.

So there goes my rant, and I'm feeling slightly better now. I hope she feels better too living somewhere else. And I wouldn't be constantly pressured to keep everything extra clean, which is one less thing to worry about.

Note to self: be humble... be humble... be humble... deep breaths... be humble...