Finally and Unfortunately

Finally and unfortunately my 2 months holiday has ended :) I'm excited to start working but at the same time, come on, you can't resist holidays, sleeping in, staying up late, and a free mind. Now that I'm sort of away from home again (this time a super short distance away compared to the previous ones), I'm back to living by myself in a student style living place. The room is still pretty much empty, but I'll decorate it slowly as time goes to make it homey and mine.

With many moving experiences under my belt, I know that transitions may not come smoothly, at least for me personally. To tell the truth, my average time to become really comfortable in a new place is roughly about 1.5 to 2 years. It's not necessarily that I can't adapt well, it's more of the internal struggle to feel like I belong and to know the people and make them family instead of mere hi bye acquaintances. Despite of this, somehow God has uprooted and planted me over and over instead of letting me be settled in a place and saving me from all the pain in the transitions. I thought if He knows me and the personality I have, He really won't do that to me. But as I think about it again, perhaps it's exactly because He knows me oh too well.

Is this time going to be easier since it's my home country? I really don't know. I had a nice chat with a German guy from the office in Geneva about moving back home after being out it if for so long. We talked about the culture shock, about the things we've learnt while away, and the frustration of implementing them in a different setting. About dealing with people, different levels of human resources, unwritten rules you somehow have to know, about being an outsider in your own home because you are so out of touch with it. He asked, "So what do you think will happen?" I shrugged, "I'm throwing away all my expectations". I think that's my best bet.

I know now that my transitions generally go like this. One, honeymoon period where I get all excited about what's to come believing that it is what I have to do and where I'm supposed to be. Two, the stressful what-the-hell-was-I-thinking period where I'm struggling to find close friends and facing difficult challenges at school/work. Three, is the period where I can see the end of the tunnel, whether by having people I'm comfortable hanging out with or realizing that I'm capable to resolve challenges. Four, is the end of a chapter where I can look back and say, hey that was so worth effort.

Now, obviously I'm on phase 1 :) I don't know when phase 2 will be coming, hopefully not THAT soon, or can I please skip that this time around? Pretty please with cherry on top? Just kidding, I know that it'll come, like thief at night robbing my honeymoon time! Bleh. I am the queen of whining when it comes to phase 2. So, I just hope I'll be able to handle it better, in a more mature way, acknowledging its importance for success, acknowledging the importance of a sacred word called "perseverance".

Yesterday, I was listening to Josh Groban, and a single sentence resonated strongly with my thoughts. It's in a song called "Home to Stay", about a girl who goes around to many places, and a guy who patiently awaits until she is ready to go back home. And so sorry for taking the sentence out of context, but it says, "You couldn't live a life with maybe's and what-if's". And I realized that perhaps that's partly why I've been moving around despite of internal dramas it has caused, and also partly why I'm back here in Indonesia instead of pursuing things in other "better" places. I don't want to bear having what-if's.

So for now, cheers to phase 1, to a new room with unfamiliar looking neighbors, and to Josh Groban's sexy vibrato!

And by the way, have a good Lent filled with new perspectives, the spirit of reconciliation, and love of and for God :)