Hey, About What You Said

I do envy people who speak up easily, as if the crowd is their best friend. Eloquence is not one of my strengths and group setting is not where I am most comfortable. But in the past couple of years, I have realized that giving my opinion is something that I just have to do. It might be in project discussions, in a work setting, or for a situation you are compelled to improve.

However, a realization, unfortunately, does not mean a free pass through that fear of speaking up. It's just a starting point that has led me to consciously make an effort to gather up what courage I have to say something. If I can describe how I feel every time I am about to give my opinion, it's like this: First, I would think about the points I want to make, and then the sentences to explain them. And then I go through several minutes of internal panic, which length depends on the audience I am facing. During this time I would question if I should or should not do it. Every time I decide that I should, my heart beat races and I can feel my blood rushing to my ears. And then there will be a moment where I finally say to myself, "heck it." I would raise my hand, at which I sometimes feel like having an outer body experience. Once that happen though, I know that there's no coming back because everybody has turned their heads towards me. Sometimes, I stumble upon words, other times, I repeat my points, many times they come out OK.

Sarah Kay my favorite poet said that the reason she does what she does, which is spoken word poetry is that many times people would come up to her saying that they can relate to her poem. That feeling that somebody else understand what you are going through is a rewarding thing for her. Sharing this understanding and experience makes us alive. And today, somehow, I got that.

Today in a meeting, I felt compelled to say something. Of course, I went through all the flushed ears phase and so on and so forth. My hand shot up, and I blurted out what I wanted to say. I didn't exactly get the response I wanted to hear in that meeting. But when I got back to my desk, a co-worker called me on google chat and said, "Hey, about what you said. I'm interested in that and I have this crazy idea... " It wasn't an outcome that I expected at all, having somebody responded that way, but it was something I was really pleased about. The feeling that somebody else relates to what you thought, is a good feeling.

I'm not saying that when a person opposes your thought it means that you get nothing from speaking up. You always get something, whether it's a discussion, a connection, a decision. What I'm saying is sharing a thought is a way for us to relate to each other, therefore the fear of doing so should be handled in an appropriate way.

And I guess, for moments of connection like what I received today, all I can say is thank God I didn't keep my mouth shut.