On Volunteerism

"We're not gonna have a class today?" he asked. 

"Well, apparently not. Tonight everybody's busy preparing for the drama performance," I answered. 

"But, I did your homework. I even wrote down 5 questions."

The boy is 14 years old. I still remember that on my very first science lesson, he sat with his back against the wall, indifferent. He closed his eyes and dozed off. I honestly thought that he was going to perform a cheer or something when I said that the class was canceled to practice drama. The week before, I had assigned the class to write down one question on the topic of "Motion". Needless to say, I was touched and surprised when he told me he had come up with five. 

This particular encounter of course does not occur on a regular basis. I can only wish for such thing. But, when it does happen, it tells you that, hey, amongst the thousand things you have screwed up, at least you still got some things right. 

Since the start of the year, I have committed some of my time to volunteer to teach science to the kids, under the Sahabat Anak organization. A month in, I was actually afraid that I would get bored really fast, get tired of it, and quit. My standard question the other volunteers there who have committed themselves for years was cliche: what made you come here? One answer stood out, despite the lack of reasoning: I fell into this water and just cannot swim out of it ever since. And now, I'm starting to understand that feeling. There's no need to list out many reasons, I'm just drawn to coming and I keep on coming. Even the founder of the organization who has done this for 16 years, when asked by Andy Noya, couldn't really come up with distinct reasons. She just said: I guess it's the power of love.

I have volunteered in some other places before. This, however, feels different, mainly because of the regular interaction with the kids. There's a feeling of attachment, of friendship, of caring not just for the sake of volunteering, but because they are people that I know. People who shake hands with me, who share their stories, who share a similar hope. Volunteerism is no longer giving two hours of my time to teach or giving money for charity. It has shifted to lifting up a friend, to visiting a company, to patting a child's head and wishing secretly that she's my little sister. And as friendship is a two-way relationship,  they have definitely lifted me up more than they probably realize.

With all that said, unfortunately, I also feel defeated at times. There are sessions where the kids are not behaving well, or I don't feel appreciated, or I just feel very tired. There are events that I arranged halfheartedly just to get it over with. Not everything is flowers and rainbows. And I'm starting to learn that you can only give what you have. At the moments when I don't feel happy or thankful, it is impossible for me to give joy to others. When I am bitter, of course things are done haphazardly. Even when they are done, I don't feel good about it, all I feel is tired, stressed out, and unrefreshed. Give only what you have. When you feel like you just don't have the energy, I learn that it's good to step back and take time off or reduce your activities. Rejuvenate. In the end, there is not going to be a checklist for the things you have done. Grace, I believe, is never limited to activities. Grace is when you are still in His embrace despite of everything. 

The volunteerism movement in Indonesia is a relatively young one. Compared to a country like Singapore, Indonesia does not have a particular program to encourage students do a community service. Singapore takes into account volunteering activities in its education system. Although it can be presumed, therefore, as a non-volunteering volunteer due to its mandatory nature, it does instill some sense of contribution one can have towards the community. In this early forms, volunteerism in Indonesia also have benefits, such as strong grounded individuals who are really passionate on an issue, and all the creative ways they all do to attract support. And with this lack of national back-up, we mostly turn into the strategy of "friend-raising", which may not bring as much cash in, but definitely resulted in strong emotional tie between the organization and donors. 

I am still new in the volunteering world. I am nowhere near the level of Captain Budi Soehardi, Ibu Robin Lim, or Kak Lina Tjindra. I believe that they don't do what they do for the honor or any forms of recognition , unless it brings in attention to their cause beneficiaries. That is a very hard thing to do; to be humble and to reject that lime light. In the midst of attention, the praises for the things volunteers have done can result in pride. To still be humble and grounded in the temptation of pride is not easy. I look up to them who have done it so well.

I try to remind myself all the time that what I am trying to do is simply bring in my five loaves of bread and two fishes, and hope that it can be multiplied as well. As mentioned before, I have also learnt to be OK with not bringing anything when I have nothing on me. But my overflow, no matter how little they seem, I try to give out. Overflow is the keyword for avoiding pride; the fact that what I give is not mine in the first place, but only the excess of God's gifts to me.

A few weeks ago, I came in early before the weekly lesson started. Two 7 years old girl ran towards me as they saw me and called my name. It was half an hour before the lesson and they already came prepared with their books and pencils. We chatted some more, and then I asked them to draw. Both of them started drawing the typical paddy fields with two mountains on the background and the sun peeking in between the two mountains. When they finished, we thought about what else can be included. "How about a cow?" I asked. They argued that they did not know how, but tried anyways in the end. I challenged them some more, "What about a helicopter?" They tried it again enthusiastically. By the end of it, their picture is full of interesting stuff.

The three-legged cow they drew was far from perfect. You and I are far from perfect. But what we give into the world, and the enthusiasm we inject into them, makes our lives happier, and far more.... interesting.