Thirty

Many people welcomed me to the the Thirty Club yesterday. What choice do I have but to enter it with a slightly forced gladness :)

In a way it feels weird. Like a mix of disbelief and a feeling of being rooted. In one way thirty just sounds so old, but at the same time it feels stable and I feel at ease. It's like you've changed all your plastic wares to glass wares. And the feeling when you say something and feeling confident about it because you know what you are saying is true. Like when you are given a task and know how to do it, instead of frantically turning to Google. It's knowing that you are short and it's not gonna change ever and it's totally OK. It's being comfortable saying "I don't know" and not trying hard to sound smart all the time. It's also being comfortable accepting that you are actually smart and not bashfully rejecting compliments. It's acceptance of vulnerabilities and shortcomings and shouting "Score!!" to your winning qualities.

I remember being in primary school and seeing my cousin turning 20, and felt like she was so mature. And then I turned 20 and felt so far from being mature. I remember entering college at that age and meeting people who was already working and being in their mid/late 20s. I looked at them with adoring eyes, turned to them for advice, and felt like they were so mature. Then I turned 27 and felt so lost. I guess we as humans are trained well to show others that we got it all together. I now know that nobody gets it all together. Not even Oprah. So the next time I meet someone who seem like they've figured it all out and I'm gonna say, "Nice pretending, dude".

So, things are still messy and I am still kiddish. But more and more I am able to enjoy where I am and who I am, awkward, introvert, goofy and all. And for a moment now I feel like having the clear sky post thunder storm, the cool down after the effervescent. As if my heart has just joined my head for a warm jacuzzi and they are bromancing real tight over a glass of wine. I am winking to the Man above, signaling the OK sign, mouthing thank you for always having my back.

Looking forward to whatever comes. Cheers!