Ting Tong!

Seven years ago, before I started college, my uncle asked me what I wanted to work as. I said I wanted to work in a non-profit organization, preferably the largest of all: the United Nations. Of course, by saying that, I dodged his question. He didn't ask where I want to work, he asked about what I wanted to be. And I guess even until now it's still hard for me to answer that question, the reason being I currently have several interests: environment, renewable energy, education, reading and writing. So, there's still no particular occupation that I can honestly state as a final destination. The only thing that I can say for sure is the answer that I already gave 7 years ago, that I want to work in a non-profit. My uncle, fortunately, did not pick up the blunder in my answer. I remember him saying: then whatever it is, make sure you carve your way to that.

Dreams are funny. They ring your bell over and over until you finally open your door. Until then you'll hear the buzz in your heart that leaves a feeling of either longing or guilt because you are doing something else. Dreams are persistent companions.

Many times we hear about people giving advice on their death beds. They are all similar, right. A bunch of I-wish-I-have-done-this-or-that-so-before-you-are-in-my-state-you-better-do-your-this-or-that kind of stuff. Why do we hear that so much? The "just do it" and "pursue your dreams" advice, are they actually overrated? If you've taken a longer look at how the world works, they are a little overrated. The first matter of concern is of course money. Are you going to make money off of doing what you really want to do, how are you supporting your family? Do you actually HAVE some money to realize your dream? Realistically speaking, most people choose money over their dreams, but if you do that, to be fair, you are not entitled to complain on your last day on Earth that your life is incomplete because of that. And, you are not allowed to give advice on that because when you were presented with your own choices you had chosen in a fully-informed condition, to be realistic. Just like how the dream-pursuers are not entitled to complain about not having the money or whatever it is that they are lacking because they have fought for their dreams.

When I was an undergrad, I was interviewed for a research assistant position. I needed it badly for a financial relieve. The professor presented his idea of the project and asked if it was something that I wanted to do. As a confused undergrad and a bad liar, I said that I wasn't sure that I was passionate about it yet, but for sure I CAN do it. He gave me a funny look and said, I knew you can do it, but I needed somebody who has more than a "can do". I was fortunate that he gave me the job anyways, but it was a close lesson for me on can vs. want and on being politically correct.

Sure, the world will be able to dictate you to have certain sum in your bank account and to have certain status. And you will do all those things and get them, sometimes out of pride, many times out of love, for your family for instance. Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that, especially when you do it out of love, responsibility, dedication, and honor. You've got to do what you've got to do. And different people have different tolerant to that annoying little buzz in your heart. For the sensitive ones, I can represent and tell you that it can be intolerably annoying. Some moments make you want to forget what the world say and dictate it instead.

I am not sure that I had carved my way to achieving my heart calls. But it seems that I'm getting closer there despite of the many things I've done which were contradicting. I guess it's just like what Coelho said about when you want something deep down in your heart, the universe conspires to fulfill it.

My last boss, when we parted, left me with an Italian quote: In bocca al lupo. Into the mouth of the wolf, he said, something you say to somebody you know will conquer the world. Something like break a leg, in English idiom. On all of his success he said that all his life, when he had something he wanted to achieve, he never had doubts that he wouldn't be able to do it. He always knew that he would. I wish I could be like that, never having doubts. He seemed to know that I needed that Italian quote, to hear it from somebody else, because many times I couldn't say it to myself.

Hopefully, I will improve on that bit by bit.

In a recent "interview" I was given a choice, within the same company, if I wanted to go into the enterprise side which is basically the same as any other company, or if I wanted to go to their institute which is the non-profit side. Based on what I said, the interview process will continue forward in the respective department.

They did not have to ask twice.

Thank God and wish me luck! I will thank God and wish you luck, too :)