For a single girl like me, love life has been strings of "failures", and at times just strictly non-existence. As a girl, I can't deny that sometimes, there would emerge a feeling of wanting to have a relationship, or to put it blatantly honest, merely to have somebody to hold my hand. Waiting is hard, running against time is tiring, facing questions from nosy married ex-classmates is annoying (can we find other topics?). Many girls blame their parents for putting pressure to get married, or blame the "society", whoever that would be. But, let's not do that anymore, because when we boil it down, it's as simple as: we desire something and we're not getting it. Thus, many forms of temper tantrum.
First of all, I want to say, without meaning to offer an empty consolation, that wanting to be loved is totally normal, and getting worried is totally human. So when you feel jealous seeing your friends hugging a guy or you feel alone on a Saturday night, watching a week's worth Ellen Degeneres on Youtube (somebody high five me, please), do know that you're not pathetic. A wise lady once told me that feelings are neutral, they are neither good or bad. When you feel angry, it does not mean that you are a terrible person; it's just a raw indication of how you want to react. Feelings tell you what you really want, when your mind fails to do so.
Unfortunately, while feelings can be neutral, our actions can't. We see it all the time, girls throwing themselves to any passing guys, or those who date just because they don't want to be seen alone in wedding parties, or those who get married to just an OK guy. So, what are we to do with these feelings, when we cannot fulfill them through our actions, you might ask. Great question! I don't know the answer to that, but I know that unless the actions we take are the right ones, our feelings will not be satisfied anyways. On the contrary, they might just grow more desperate.
I am starting to learn that some things within yourself will stick no matter how hard you try to erase it. Sometimes, people will tell you that God will satisfy your need for love. He alone is the source of love, in Him you will be fulfilled. Hearing that, or saying that to yourself many many times in the attempt to brainwash your mind, does not clear away your nudging feelings. That's why I am learning to accept it. Just like I accept that some girls including myself are born to never be thin (just look at Venus Williams built, despite all the tennis she does). Embracing, instead of fighting who you are, and the situation that you are in, makes a lot of difference in your responses.
Rascal Flatts said, "God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you". Steve Jobs said that you can only connect the dots backwards. So, what are we to do what we are amidst the broken roads, with no dots to see in the horizon? I'm sorry to say, and I'm sure that you already know this, that there's no guide book for navigating the romance world (or the lack of); precisely because there is no one solution that fits all. The uniqueness that human beings are blessed with comes at a price. There is only one you, and there is only one of him, only the two of you can somehow figure it out. And while this may not be a solution, it provides a direction. Though I've read it many times, the Corinthians verses on love have stricken me in a different way this time.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated,it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
The "love passage" (1 Cor 13:4 - 8) talks about love in general, but to put it in a relationship context, you may say that those are the characters of love that a couple needs to have. And I think those are exactly the characters that God prepares us to have before entering a relationship and continues to train us in for the rest of our lives. Lo and behold, the first character is patience. If I can't be patient now, waiting for the compatible one, how can I be patient later on when I am in love or when harder things arrive in the relationship? And many little birds have told me that there WILL be harder things coming. And I have come to realize that unfortunately patience can only be learnt by experience, in the presence of a certain time length, not from books, lectures, and quizzes that I may ace.
I want to close my ramblings by sharing this poem by Janette Ikz. Do look at the poem lyrics, since for a non-native English speaker, the accent may sound thick. You'll enjoy it more that way.
Be blessed, happy belated Valentine's day, and lotsa love for all!
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